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Chapter 1

The Story The Authors

Junie paused as she rushed towards the stainless steel door. There was this matter with her missing arm that lay next to the operating table. Well, it wasn't really missing -- it was right there, but it wasn't much use to her lying there like a rump roast. And then there were all these people around in surgical garb... surely they could do something.... Junie walked over to the good doctor that lay curled in a fetal postion on the floor. She kicked him over and took the gun out his holster. She cocked it and aimed it at the crowd of nurses and assistants. "Who's the surgeon here?" The group, standing like pale green penguins pointed at the doctor moaning softly into the floor. "Shit," Junie hissed. "Okay... grab that arm. We're going to Tim Horton's. all of us." She waved the group towards the door. They obediently filed towards the door. "Wait." Junie said. "Who doesn't have any cash?" Two of the green-clad assistants put up their hands. Junie pulled the trigger four times. Four ounces of hot lead thumped into the cashless assistants. "You're all buying, right?" she said and waved the gun. The was one, unanimous nod. Then they exited the operating theatre. none

Thankfully, they arrived at the donut shop at a slow time. There were a few coffee drinkers and crueller-munchers in the corners, but that was it. Junie prodded the gang of nurses and assistants towards the counter. The total bill came to $317.96. "Oh wait," Junie said as the crowd was carrying the donuts and coffee away. "How much would it cost to reattach this?" Junie waved the dismembered arm at the acne-infested clerk. "I dunno, ma'am." His pimply voice erupted. "I'd have to get the manager." Fortunately, the manager could sew a mean stitch and there was plenty of fishing line and duct tape around the shop to perform such an operation. Junie was offered to be put under a general anaesthetic but she refused, citing that she couldn't trust that "gang of bastards". She was placed under a local and the manager went to work. Junie shoved double-chocolate donuts into her face with her free hand. While she ate, she mused on the day. First she lost a dollar, then her arm and then some sick quack of a doctor spooged on her. This was a day for comfort food if there was one. She'd have to tell Voshandra what kind of day she was having. Say.... where is Voshandra, anyway? Elwood T Leary

Junie decided to call Vashondra on her cell phone. While the manager was putting the final stitches in her arm, she retrieved the phone out of her purse and then laid it on the glass donut case so she could dial the number. She began to realize how much we take our limbs for granted. Kate picked up the car phone in Vashondra's Mustang. "Where is Vashondra?" Junie asked coolly for she never liked Kate and resented her friendship with Vashondra. "She's driving and making martinis. Do you want me to give her a message?" said Kate with equal coolness. "Yes, tell her to pick me up at Tim Horton's." Junie said. "Of course, I'll tell her sweetie." Kate said smugly and hung up the phone. "Who was that?" Vashondra asked as she passed martinis to Xerxes and Sophocles in the back seat. "Oh, wrong number." Kate shrugged and accepted a martini from Vashondra with a wry smile. cuddles

Junie took the "Tim Horton" reference as a warning and hit the redial. She was a gifted mimic and it was no trouble to sound like a mutual fund representative. Kate couldn't stand nuissance calls and handed the phone to Vashondra at the first mention of hog bellies. Vashondra had just uttered her third sentence when the Margaret Thatcher Enterprise Catering lorry appeared in the rear view mirror. Xerxes had been admiring the effect the Prestone, streaming off the top of windshield. was having on his pompadour when he saw the van in the cracked glass. It the mirror it looked as if Sir Selwin Quicksand was driving on the right just like in America. But he wasn't and he was gaining fast. Ignacious

"oh shit and I have to go to the bathroom too. step on it!" she shouted. They veered into a winding country road that just happened to be there, at the edge of a cliff and all. "Damnit! Don't you know how to drive? Gimme that wheel." Kate lunged for the steering wheel and accidently jabbed Vashondra with her boney elbow. "Watch the 'do!" she shrieked. The car started to swerve this way and that, arms and legs all tangled up. Junie stuck her head out and admired the scenery. "Uh, looks like he's gaining." Kate took a moment to pay attention to where she was going and stuck her head out the window, only to find Sir Quicksand's face right next to hers. "Pardon me, have you any Grey Poupon?" he said in a pompous tone. lulu in greenland

The Story	The Authors
Junie paused as she rushed towards the stainless steel door. There was this matter with her missing arm that lay next to the operating table. Well, it wasn't really missing -- it was right there, but it wasn't much use to her lying there like a rump roast. And then there were all these people around in surgical garb... surely they could do something.... Junie walked over to the good doctor that lay curled in a fetal postion on the floor. She kicked him over and took the gun out his holster. She cocked it and aimed it at the crowd of nurses and assistants. "Who's the surgeon here?" The group, standing like pale green penguins pointed at the doctor moaning softly into the floor. "Shit," Junie hissed. "Okay... grab that arm. We're going to Tim Horton's. all of us." She waved the group towards the door. They obediently filed towards the door. "Wait." Junie said. "Who doesn't have any cash?" Two of the green-clad assistants put up their hands. Junie pulled the trigger four times. Four ounces of hot lead thumped into the cashless assistants. "You're all buying, right?" she said and waved the gun. The was one, unanimous nod. Then they exited the operating theatre.	none
Thankfully, they arrived at the donut shop at a slow time. There were a few coffee drinkers and crueller-munchers in the corners, but that was it. Junie prodded the gang of nurses and assistants towards the counter. The total bill came to $317.96. "Oh wait," Junie said as the crowd was carrying the donuts and coffee away. "How much would it cost to reattach this?" Junie waved the dismembered arm at the acne-infested clerk. "I dunno, ma'am." His pimply voice erupted. "I'd have to get the manager." Fortunately, the manager could sew a mean stitch and there was plenty of fishing line and duct tape around the shop to perform such an operation. Junie was offered to be put under a general anaesthetic but she refused, citing that she couldn't trust that "gang of bastards". She was placed under a local and the manager went to work. Junie shoved double-chocolate donuts into her face with her free hand. While she ate, she mused on the day. First she lost a dollar, then her arm and then some sick quack of a doctor spooged on her. This was a day for comfort food if there was one. She'd have to tell Voshandra what kind of day she was having. Say.... where is Voshandra, anyway?	Elwood T Leary
Junie decided to call Vashondra on her cell phone. While the manager was putting the final stitches in her arm, she retrieved the phone out of her purse and then laid it on the glass donut case so she could dial the number. She began to realize how much we take our limbs for granted. Kate picked up the car phone in Vashondra's Mustang. "Where is Vashondra?" Junie asked coolly for she never liked Kate and resented her friendship with Vashondra. "She's driving and making martinis. Do you want me to give her a message?" said Kate with equal coolness. "Yes, tell her to pick me up at Tim Horton's." Junie said. "Of course, I'll tell her sweetie." Kate said smugly and hung up the phone. "Who was that?" Vashondra asked as she passed martinis to Xerxes and Sophocles in the back seat. "Oh, wrong number." Kate shrugged and accepted a martini from Vashondra with a wry smile.	cuddles
Junie took the "Tim Horton" reference as a warning and hit the redial. She was a gifted mimic and it was no trouble to sound like a mutual fund representative. Kate couldn't stand nuissance calls and handed the phone to Vashondra at the first mention of hog bellies. Vashondra had just uttered her third sentence when the Margaret Thatcher Enterprise Catering lorry appeared in the rear view mirror. Xerxes had been admiring the effect the Prestone, streaming off the top of windshield. was having on his pompadour when he saw the van in the cracked glass. It the mirror it looked as if Sir Selwin Quicksand was driving on the right just like in America. But he wasn't and he was gaining fast.	Ignacious
"oh shit and I have to go to the bathroom too. step on it!" she shouted. They veered into a winding country road that just happened to be there, at the edge of a cliff and all. "Damnit! Don't you know how to drive? Gimme that wheel." Kate lunged for the steering wheel and accidently jabbed Vashondra with her boney elbow. "Watch the 'do!" she shrieked. The car started to swerve this way and that, arms and legs all tangled up. Junie stuck her head out and admired the scenery. "Uh, looks like he's gaining." Kate took a moment to pay attention to where she was going and stuck her head out the window, only to find Sir Quicksand's face right next to hers. "Pardon me, have you any Grey Poupon?" he said in a pompous tone.	lulu in greenland

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