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Chapter 5

     The Story The Authors
hey where did that cat come from? howard
kitty scratched me through my jeans. kitty will spend the night outside! JJ
Katja the cat was put outside, though not without a fight. She managed to put in a scratch or two before her owner delicately shooed her out the door. She sighed a little cat sigh and sat quietly on the doorstep licking her paws with utmost care. She loved to make her point across when she felt the victim of injustice or misunderstanding but really didn't mean any harm. Granted, Katja was defiant and headstrong, but what feline isn't? She looked westward at the filtered sunlight through the maple trees. Soon it will be nightfall, and she will on the prowl. Drew
Sadly, Little Katja's Kitty Thoughts Were Wrong. Kate Thought It Would Be Easiest To Get into The Mansion By Nuking The Heck Out Of The Front Door. Conveniently, Xerxes Had A Small Nuke Platform In His Trunk. After Running Through The Safety Checklist And Yelling Out A Mighty "Heads Up!" The Huge Cylinder Flew Up Into The Air, Looped Around A Few Times, And Fell Headfirst On The Cat. Obviously, This Was Overkill. Jesse
But when Kate saw little Overkill's dead body, she couldn't help herself -- god how she loved cats. Without thinking, her mind still suffused in a furious blaze of grief, Kate turned to Xerxes and slapped him full in the face. "What was that for?" he asked, astounded, as his face began to turn the color of ripe cherries. "Because, you fool, look what you did to Overkill!" "Never understood that damn name, anyway," Xerxes muttered under his breath. "Stop pouting, kate -- look, at least we can get in now." While Kate hated to admit it, Xerxes was right. Despite the feline casualty, the door to the old mansion was blown wide open. With a sigh, Kate started up the stairs with her semi-automatic slung over her shoulder. Xerxes followed behind her, carefully stepping over the blackened remains of Overkill. He had no time to soothe his conscience about the animalicide, because the instant Kate was through the doorway, all hell broke loose. Margaret Collins
She wasnāt more than three paces inside when she felt her right foot sink into a moldy saucer of Wiskas, pitching the saucer sideways, clattering across the spacious, marbled foyer. Her toes instinctively tensed, squeezing the aging cat food between them as her foot slid forward. She tried to balance herself. Her left foot moved back and struck the edge of a large plastic tray which then sealed her fate. Now both legs moved out from under her, but in different directions and Kate came down heavily into a soft bed of non clumping cat litter. She tried to protect the weapon she had cradled in her arm but it hit the marble floor and immediately discharged in a rapid series of concussive explosions which seemed to amplify themselves on the shiny hard surfaces of the entrance. The first four rounds found their successive marks across the front of the imperious grandfather clock, grazing the chimes starting the chiming mechanism (Westminster) then severing two of the weights which thundered into the bottom of the clockās fine walnut cabinet amid the shards of beveled glass from the ornate door. Two more projectiles collided catastrophically with a large, decorative Victorian pitcher and washbasin which further exploded into dust as its instantly randomized pieces struck the marbled floor. Three more slugs struck the large brass Chinese dinner gong (50cm diameter) knocking it backwards against the coat stand which in turn sliced through the glass shelved trophy cabinet, sending its contents tumbling onto the marble hardness of the floor. The last two rounds ricocheted off the floor. One embedded itself in the door jam of the dining room and the other obliterated the pull-box for the fire alarm. Cacophony didnāt begin to describe the moment. Xerxes was instantly in denial. Pod (upside down)
Then Dr. Ruth flew into the room on a magic dildo. Mister Dimension
"Izn't dis in-tee-res-tink," said the midget on the sparkling phallus. Grandma Pearl saw what was going on and just about had a fit. She grabbed her rifle and immediately fired a few rounds at the good Doctor, who screamed bloody murder and remarked how the grumpy old lady was in dire need of a sex life, before she flew out the window on her flying schlong. "Shoot," said Grandma Pearl. "Mebbe dat darlin' micro-husseh is raht aftuh all. I needz me a man! I bettuh go tart mahself up. Now, wez dat numbuh fo da booty pahlah." phoenix

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