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Chapter 4

     The Story The Authors
Dr. Reese adjusted his patton-leather lederhosen straps and giggled softlyas he pulled a tiny pair of spectacles from his front shirt pocket. Just as he had thought, it wasn't his vision that was failing, but rather his familiarity to the actual letter forms burned into the flab. "My goodness Mrs. Hammy," the mad doctor began "you've left your body lying about the hills again haven't you?" The old woman's eyes began to mist and her droopy sanguine cheeks quivered as she raised her head to confirm his suspicions. "I've tried so hard to be responsible and strong, but the fairies speak so cunningly, and I dare not refuse their blessed offerings." The doctor fell back in his chair defeatedly and huffed. DEEFACE
He Couldn't Keep This Up Much Longer. His Heart Condition Was Getting Worse, And Little Timmy's Neverending Questions About What Goes On In The Basement Were Beginning To Get Too Close For Comfort. He Would Have To Finish The Project Quicker Than Initially Expected, Or Find A Way To Silence His Own Son. Jesse
The message went on for two full paragraphs. Burn after now painful burn to the botttom of her swollen flat feet. For all of it made no sense at all. What Doctor what leiderhosen? Where was the locket? Where was that darnation locket? Where was there an answer. Little did Grandma Pearl realise, she was in fact a fulsome, fleshy rosetta dumpling which when matched with key enclosed in the infmaous locket revealed... suddendly there was a sharp crack! Pod
The locket had stricken back! "That's sexual harrassment, and I don't have to take it!" The girl, who wholesome Grandmother Pearl secretly harboured homoerotic fantasies for, rose from the ground after having been decked by the locket. Her proud breasts stood out like ripe grapefruits, and Grandma Pearl couldn't stand it anymore. She ripped off the mask she had worn for five years, revealing her/his true identity: TV's Conan O'Brien! He grabbed the girl and said: "Forget the locket! I beg you: suck my love pump!" He was a big Spinal Tap fan Bigsby Wilkinson O'FloydRose
Unfourtunately For Conan, The Girl Was A Big Rocky Horror Picture Show Fan, And Wasn't A Girl At All.. Oddly Enough, "She" Was Jeff Goldblum. "This Is Getting Too Twisted For Me" Conan Lamented.. Jeff Agreed, And The Two Of Them Wandered Off To Find Some Cheap Booze.. Jesse
Or was it a cheap flooze? Did it matter? Pod (upside down)
"The End." Arnold's mother gently closed the ancient book and kissed him on the cheek. Apparently he had nodded off quietly during the story. This was the only way to get him to sleep. You see, there was a boogie-man in young Arnie's closet, his name was Oggy. He was an awful looking little creature. DEEFACE
Sometimes, Late At Night, Oggy Would Come Out Of The Closet And Stand Beside Arnold, Casting A Dark Shadow Over His Eyes. Arnold Usually Screamed, Until He Realized It Was Just Oggy, And Then They Had A Good Laugh About It. Once In A While Arnie And Oggy Would Dress Up In Arnold's Mommy's Clothing, And Hang Out By The Docks. Jesse
The Docks, Terry, "Tic" and Toni, "Toc", were a fun loving couple. Both were divinity students and were just back from a posting in Northern Saskatchewan. They set up a "Bush Church" to minister to lost Airstream Caravans in the vastness of the Canadian taiga. Although the only other people they had ever seen was a search and rescue team (a Jew and a Buddist) who dropped in after Toni had accidently triggered the emergency locator beacon when she knocked it into the Cuisinart while making a batch of communion wafers. Both she and Terry had laughed for weeks afterward. It was really a shame that the report filed by the SARTEC team eventually fell into the hands of the immagration department and both Terry and Toni were deported from Canada for overstaying their visa's. It was hard to accept that this was God's work but little did they know the mighty forces they were about to unleash. Pod
Canada's Deportation Laws Were Quite Odd During That Point In History. Instead Of Forcing Terry And Toni Upon Some Other Unsuspecting Populace, They Shot Them Into Space For An Advanced Alien Culture To Find And Examine. Little Arnie And Oggy Tried To Sneak Aboard The Rocket To Save Them, But They Were Inadvertently Freeze Dried And Accompanied Toni And Terry On Their Journeys. Fast Forward Thirty Years. A Routine Automated Check Of The Rocket's Core Goes Horribly Wrong, Forcing The Ship's Passengers Out Of Stasis. They Find That Pop Music Has Ended Civilization As We Know It, And Become Freedom Fighters. Unfourtunately, Four People Isn't Enough. So The Four Of Them Set out To Increase Their Ranks, While Also Giving Into Their Physical Desires. Jesse

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