Chapter 2
| The Story | The Authors |
|---|---|
| I, on the other hand, frantically searched for my dictionary, my brain stunned by the recoil of the realization that misspellings are de rigeur on the Net. | |
| But I couldn't find my dictionary. Perhaps it is because I do not own one and because I cannot read anyway. I is illiterate, don't you know. | |
| I know, Sweetie, but there is allways hope. Read all the things you need in the lettersoup old Dragon cooks so well. When you have eaten just one spoon of this lettersoup you will be able to read all words in the world, even in the mind of people - word they hadn't written, but thought. You will be the best reader ever- | |
| On with the story..............So Ann, who I will tell you was the only intelligent one in the room got up from the couch and started walking. She couldn't take it anymore. Being cooped up in a room full of insanely crazy people was starting to make her edgy. They lived in there own worlds inside of their crazy heads. Totally unaware of what was going on around them. Perhaps it was as the acid they had done in the 70's. No one really new for sure. Ann stepped over Fred who was still rolling around in the water on the floor like he wasn't even there. Her foot accidentally grazed his ribs and he cried out, "Don't peel me!!! I'm an orange!" Ann just shook her head and headed for the door. Wouldn't you know, locked. But suddenly, as she turned away Grandma Pearl blew the door open with her fully loaded shotgun! "Grandma Pearl!!!" exclaimed Annie, "I knew you would come for me!" | |
| "Well honeh," replied Grandma Pearl, "I thawt I saw dat nasteh squrl runnin' in heah with mah locket. You ain't seen dat fleabitten rodent havyah?" Ann paused a moment, then said, "Yes. Yes, I think I saw a squirrel dash in through that large crack in the door. I didn't see it leave, so it must be hiding in here somewhere." Grandma Pearl scanned the room. Her eyes had more cataracts than the Nile River, but her one good eye was exceptionally good. She spotted a tuft of mousy grey fluff behind a sofa. She went over to inspect. "Nows I got ya, yo meesleh varmint. Ahv a good mahnd to havya fo mah dinnuh," she muttered under her denture breath. Like the last tube of Ben Gay at a nursing home, she quickly grabbed for the grey tuft. | |
| Mary, "the blonde" leapt from behind the sofa after Grandma Pearl pulled at her hair. What Grandma Pearl saw as a tuft of grey fluff turned out to be Mary's roots which were in dire need of a touch-up. "Unhand my 'do, you...you fossil! Can't you see I'm communing with The Supreme One?" Mary had apparently been meditating behind the sofa, which as we all know is the best place for that sort of thing. Grandma Pearl focused her one good eye on Mary, who was stunning with her tie-dyed tank top, pierced nose, and tattooed forehead. Grandma Pearl said, "Misseh, I don't cayuh if youze commooning wid Dy-anneh Ross or eneh of dem udduh big hayed floozeh girleh friends of huhz, but ain't yo mammy evuh toll you to treat yo elduhs wid rizpect?? Why, if I wuz yo mammy ida wup yo behind so fas..." Before Grandma Pearl could finish her remark, a fluff of grey bolted out from underneath the sofa and ran out the door. "There he goes!" exclaimed Annie. "Well come on, honeh, lez get dat suckuh." Grandma Pearl wobbled out the door firing a few shots from her shotgun into the distance with Annie right behind her. Mary leapt up from her lotus position and shouted, "Wait! Can I come along, too? The Mystic Entity of the Seventh Plane has ordered me to accompany you in your search for the...the....um, whatever it is you're looking for. Besides, this guy on the floor is starting to reek!" Mary grabbed her 100% hemp tote bag and ran out the door after them. | |
| Grandma Pearl pulled the handful of grey fluff and found that it was actually hair done in a beehive attached to the head of Vashondra du Lunchenette. Vashondra stood behind the couch with her uzie aimed at the old woman who was pulling her hair that had turned grey because of all the horrible things that were happening in this story recently. "Sheet far! I thawt y'all was a dirteh stinkeh squrl!" Grandma Pearl slurred. "Listen you blind old hillbilly! Your lousy english is on my last nerve. Besides that, this story isn't big enough for both of us." Vashondra growled. "Vash! Don't do it!" cried Fluffy the elephant. "You're right, Fluffy," Vashondra sighed, "violence is not the answer." She stuffed the uzi back into her wilting do. "Fluffy, will you dye my hair?" Fluffy said that he would and he and Vashondra headed for the door. It was locked but Fluffy broke it down with hardly any effort. As they left, Vashondra called back over her shoulder, "By the way, granny, I've got your locket and I've hidden it where you'll never find it! Ha ha ha!" She and Fluffy jumped into Vashondra's convertible mustang and drove to Bitzy's house. |
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