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Chapter 1

     The Story The Authors
She drank so much she sweated alcohol. When she lit a cigarette, she incinerated herself to death. All that remained were a pile of black, smokey ashes. lydia
Children came running out of nowhere to inspect the pile of black ash. They giggled and held hands to form a circle around the pile. Then they all chanted, "Ring around the rosey, pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes, we all fall down!" The children laughed so happily and skipped about in celebration. Then they all lit Cuban cigars and drank some of the liquor from the flask that the dead woman drank out of before they went home. greyski
However, much to the chagrin of the young cancer consumers of cancer, the cuban cigars had not gone through customs and all of a sudden, rabid customs officials came out of nowhere. The officials reclaimed the liquor, and polished it off before handcuffing the small children with cancer sticks. The children began to whine at such a high pitch, the collective eardrums of the customs officials burst and they fell to the ground, writhing in pain, much to the bewilderment of the children. Shasta
From the heavens Dianna awoke to the echoeing strains of "Du Du Liegst Mir im Herzen" sung by whiney children. "Oh Fooey" she thought to herself, "I must go rescue the plot once again." elixer in waste
The abbess, aka Mother Mary Magdelene, assesed the scene. As the cancerous children were being led out by La Migra aka the INS, she declared the Home For Friendless Maiden Ladies a womyn only space. The noviates gathered behind her as she led them in chant. "NOT THE WOMEN, NOT THE STATE; THE CHURCH SHALL DECIDE THEIR FATE!" Mother M&M's, as she was affectionately known, looked the customs suit straight in the eyeballs and spouted mightily through her dentures, "Out Out Damn Spot!" The customs agents, feeling like a wicked curse had been cast against them, retreated to their limousines, forgetting the horde of cigar smoking babies. Candace strained to look up from up from the gurney which the noviates had impalled her on. "That's my unborn baby," she hollered. Meanwhile Vashondra was trying to stuff all of the neccesities from her threatened beehive into her inner organs. A miracle had happened, the cracked shaker had reconstituted itself and was full of an icey cold liquid. elan
VAshondra was amazed at the miracle before her and rejunvanated herself with the liquid of life. "YOU WILL NOT DESTROY US!!" Her voice boomed and all cowered at the sound. "RELEASE HER!" As Vashondra barked orders, her beehive seemed to grow and hum with strength anew. Shasta
Sounds of German folk music began to enmanate from Vashondra's beehive. "Bruder Johann", "Andreas Hoffer", and "Prinz Eugen" blared through the convent halls. All of a sudden, the outer wall caved in and there, amongst the rubble, stood a figure clad in black. The dust swirled around him and everyone trembled at the thought of yet another character entering this lurid tale. gwenevere
Grandma Pearl scuttled into the garden, searching for a pair of dentures that her grandson had hidden. After peeking under flowerpots and poking in the soil with her cane under the rose bushes, she finally found her teeth peeking through the underbrush. "Damn boy mus beh Satan hisself, dat nasta whippasnappa," she muttered under her gummy breath. "Heya now...whut da hellis dis." As Grandma Pearl disturbed the soil with the end of her cane, she unearthed another, shiny object. It looked like a locket, but Grandma Pearl wasn't wearing her spectacles and couldn't quite make it out. She reached in to try to grab it, but the thorns of the rosebush provided an adequate barrier, and she immediately pulled it back. "Ouch dagnabit!" she said, sucking on her pricked finger. posey
A squirrel who had been loitering under the very same bush scooped up the locket and ran off with it between his teeth. Shasta
" soy as’ que sediento " grit— el bebŽ del unborn de Candace. " mayo tengo por favor un sip de su bebida? Le darŽ un cigarro si usted concede mi deseo. " marta
" ich bin also verwirrtes " geŠchztes Tiki, ", wer diese alte Dame mit den fehlenden ZŠhnen ist und was ist geworden aus Bitzy? " juanita

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