|The Story||The Authors|
Suddenly a booming loud siren went off *AWEEEEGAAWEEEEEEGAWEEEEEGA*
"What's that??" asked Janice.
"Oh shuzbat," sighed Kemovy. "We're under attack by the Eygalian regime again."
"The Eygalians. They are what you Earthlings would consider "barbaric". Now and again they come to our planet to plunder and steal as many Quintara Mates as they can. Not to worry, though. We know how to deal with them. This way, please. We must find the nearest shelter."
Kemovy led Janice to the entrance of a large underground system, similar to a manhole. A strange greenish light glowed from within the unknown depths. Kemovy motioned to Janice with one of her six hands. "Quickly, follow me."
Kemovy jumped into the hole and disappeared from view. The roar of ships and laserfire was growing louder.
"I can't stick around here much longer!, " thought Janice, so she took a deep breath and jumped into the dark hole.
|Janice landed face first into a wamprat pile, about 1 meter in diameter. She looked up "This is not my day", Janice peered around the sewer with a wamprat excresions running down her face. "Oh no, the wamprats are back, we'd better go, they mustn't be far" Kemovy said fearfully. Janice could only think of her young son Joel, held captive somewhere in this complex, as she walked in a daze down the cooridor. "Here", Kemovy gave her some gel, "place this on your neck" Kemovy said. She rubbed some of the gel on her neck, it sensations came immediatly, sexual, almost inhibriating, like a drug, only better. "That will keep you happy till this is over", Kemovy said. Janices Breast began to swell to twice there size. "Oh my", Kemovy said, "There are some weird side effects, but I've never seen that before". Janice, quite content with the drugs effects, smiled, grabbing both breasts happily whistled gayfully down the hall.|
|Suddenly a giant squirrel with a flamethrower leaped screaching into the building. Everybody died. Then Al Gore ran for president. A cat died. It was cool.|
|The light broke over the moutains, casting a shadow on Dawns face. She awoke, and stretched, sitting up in bed with a loud yawn. The light of the suns first rays cast upon her naked breast. "it was going to be a good day", she thought to herself and she slipped out of the bed, heading down the hall to the bathroom without a stitch of clothes on.|
|Dawn skipped down the hall, not noticing the stray banana peel on the floor. She slipped on the peel, skidded down the hall, and crashed into a china cabinet full of delicate (and sharp) little teacups. The last thing Dawn thought was, "Gee, too bad I didn't have any clothes on...would have been a hell of a lot less painful!" before she died. Dawn's corpse was cremated, and following the instructions left on her Will, her ashes were neatly compacted into a cartridge and blasted off to outer space. There Dawn's ashes floated aimlessly, until it got close enough to the gravitational pull of a planet in some far off solar system, and eventually plummeted to the planet's surface. The cartridge landed on a barren field and wedged itself between two large boulders. There the cartridge full of human ashes remained until one day|
|Janice and Joel, who had made a home on Ezoym, found it. "Mom what is it?" asked Joel. "Omigod!!" shouted Janice. "They're human ashes!" "How did they get here?" "I have no idea." "Maybe they're from one of the people that squirrel with the flame thrower killed!" "Could be." Janice shivered as she remembered the squirrel. It had killed Kemovy, a cat, and all the bar patrons and had almost - or maybe it had - ended the story. Just then Joel's pet vajonzomh, which looked like a hairy green miniature hippo, ran in. "EEp!" he screamed. "Eep!" Janice was annoyed, she had told Joel to keep VaJon away from her, because she had a serious allergy to vajonzomhs. Then VaJon's sister, VaJane, ran in. "YYp!" she squealed. "Yyp!" All this was too much for poor Janice's body, and her deadly allergic reaction started by....|