|The Story||The Authors|
The policemen were not policemen they were aliens! So was the owl!
The policemen/aliens captured Janice and Joel and the owl/alien gave
them the peice of paper. It said:
EARTHLINGS MUST STAY AT THE MACDONALDS IN OUTERSPACE FOR 10 YEARS
[evil laughter from aliens] Actulally Janice and Joel didn't mind eating at MacDonalds but there was nothing to do between meals and aftr a week they got tired of all the meals, and even the desserts. (Janice had gained 7 pounds and never wanted to see a McFlurry again.) They had to escape but how? "I can use the escape pod!" said Joel. But Janice wouldn't agree to that. Remember what happened last time he tried to re-enter? After much discussion they decided to...
|convert all the MCDonald's Special Sauce into extra fuel for the escape pod and blast off for the Asteroid Belt. "Well, I'm sure glad you read up on all that Quantum Physics", Janice said to Joel. Within minutes they were on their way to the Asteroid Belt; in a couple of days they passed the orbit of Mars - but were getting tired of living off Big Macs and fries...|
|Luckily, some friendly aliens livedon the asteroids and were glad to let Janice and Joel live with them. BUT the asteroid they lived on was really a great big Big BIG MAC! And the other asteroids were just french fries! Janice and Joel could neve live here. And they coouldn't live on Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, or Neptune because they were just 10 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 or so kilotonnes of soda which had formed huge balls, like all liquid does in zero gravity. And Pluto was just an ice cube from Jupiter. Where could they live now?|
|Joel had another idea. He made a suspended animation machine out of some of the aliens' equipment and ice from Pluto. They took off for Zeta Reticuli, and put themselves into suspended animation for the 157 years it would take to get there...|
|They landed on Zela Reticuli. A nice little rancor got them out of suspended animation. Then the Daddy rancor came in. "Qozete!" he roared. "Pai lmar nyppyt pjem pa szeu ropj uait gaaf!" The little rancor replied, "Uai vemp puzz qy rjep pa fa!" It continued like this for some time. Then Janice realized, this wasn't Zeta Reticuli! Rancors only lived on a planet called Pepaamy. (The one in Star Wars was actually shipped to Tatooine by a g'tyopyt freighter and cost Jabba the Hutta zillion dollars. Which is why he wanted Han Solo's money. But I'm getting off topic.) Fortunately she knew a little Rancor language and yelled, "Zaal nyjomf uai!" The rancors spun aroundand Janice and Joel ran away. Then they realized that they would never be safe on Pepaamy because...|
|rancors would go crazy over the McDonalds' special sauce they were using to power their spaceship. They snuck back to their spaceship and climbed aboard. Joel checked their fuel supply -- they still had about 10 million years' worth of fuel. They blasted off Pepaamy and settled into a synchronous orbit to plan their next move...|
|They continued towards Zeta Reticuli as planned. 50 years later a nice little zoxetfa lizard woke them out of suspended animation. Zoxetfa lizards have the legs of kangaroos, the arms of donkeys, the heads of falcons, the tentacles of jellyfish, and the tails of dinosaurs. They have scales all over their bodies, so they are calles lizards. They can only speak in vowels. This one said, "aOOa eaAue IeE aOUea!" and then a million other zoxetfa lizards came and they all said, "aOe uUeeu!" and then, "eE aaAa aEAaeu Oe euaEe!" and they wanted to eat JAnice and Jol!|
|Janice quickly realized that, with over a million zoxetfa arguing over who should eat them first, she and Joel would have several hours to escape...|
|So they ran out of the ship. One zoxetfa, named eAaEeIE, discovered they were gone and ran after them, thinking it was his chance to eat them. He decided he would save Joel for his girl friend IAe. Just then he caught up with Joel and Jance and...|
|Joel said, "Mom, one zoxetfa by itself is no trouble, since it is only 3cm high; it's the million or so arguing back near the ship we have to worry about. So, Joel crushed eAaEeIE with his foot. The explored for about 10 minutes, and found some interesting plants that Janice figured would help them vary their diet. They headed back to the ship, where the other zoxetfa were still arguing, snuck back aboard, and took off.|