|The Story||The Authors|
|Dianne! She bent over and placed a tiny peice of paper on their frost-covered doorstep. Then she dissapeared. The note said: "Dianne's Funeral is at 8:48 AM at Holy Rambinoic Church, 75 YouReye Avenue" Janice, Joel, and Terrence lived just uphill of YouReye Avenue, so they took their tobbogans and sledded into the tiny Holy Rambonic Church. They took off their snowsuits and clambered into the special funeral room, wheir to their surprise and horrer,|
|Dianne was laying in her coffin dressed in her pink taffeta prom dress and jeweled prom queen tiara. It was an awful sight, indeed!|
|Dance with me she cried! I am the Prom Queen, I am oh so popular. Everyone loves me!!! Come, bow down and worship at my pink patent leather pumps!|
|They all stared at her in horror until finally one of them spoke up and said, "What--are you on crack or something Dianne? What are you doing?" Dianne became enraged and screamed-- "Darn you! Darn all of you to heck!!! I am THE PROM QUEEN!!!"|
Everyone screamed and started stampeding around, hurling chairs and
tables and breaking windows. Someone farted. Then someone fainted.
It wasn't a coincidence.
"She's crazy!," someone yelled.
"Let's get out here!," screamed another.
Then Dianne grabbed a hatchet (no funeral home should be without one), leapt on a casket and shouted at everyone. "No one leaves here, for you all must die! Die Die Die! I am the Prom Queen, and you all must obey! Muuhahahahaah!"
Janice whispered to Joel, "Must be that damned fruit she ate...what a nut case!"
"Yeah, she's high on something! I wonder what it is...I want some of it!"
Everyone thought they were going to die that day at the hands of this hatchet-wielding hussy from hell when suddenly a voice was heard from the back of the room.
"Gee, where'd you get that god-awful dress? Don't tell me, dollar days at Wal-mart? Oh and those shoes...damn hon, hope RuPaul didn't mind you taking those from his closet. Those have got to be at least size 14..."
Dianne screamed, "Who dares insult the Prom Queen?!?" She glared at the crowd.
The crowd grew silent as a young woman stepped forward from the shadows and said, "Me." The crowd gasped. They all yelled, "She did! She did!" in unison and everyone pointed an accusing finger at the young woman. "Besides being the first to die, " said Dianne, "who the hell are you??" "I am Biffy the Prom Queen Slayer!", answered the young woman. "I'm here to put you out of your misery, and to save the world from pink taffeta and chiffon!"
|You are going to kill me that isn't fair, just because I have no fashion sense dosen't mean I should die, kill someome else anyone else. I have to be the prom queen, I just have to.|
|The Prom Queen Slayer locked up Dianne, still with her hatchet, in jail. Then they realized, Dianne's body was still in the coffin. Suddenly the *other* Dianne broke out of jail, and hacked off the Prom Queen Slayer's head. Then, to everyone's horrer, her skin split in half! Out came... Terrence. "You all must die!!" hhe shouted. "DIE DIE DIE!!!!!" he kept hacking away, killing everyone but Joel and Janice. Joel and Janice hid in the attic, hoping Terrence wouldn't find them...... just then.....|
|Terrence tore through the attic door. Joel and Janice shook in terror as they hid under a tarp, hoping beyond hope that he wouldn't find them. But fate was not on their side. Terrence tore the tarp off of them, while he stood, hovering naked above them and laughing in a sadistic howl. His erect penis stood shining just an inch in front of poor Joel's tight clenched mouth.|
|Then a headless girl in a cheerleader's outfit came stumbling into the room. She carried her severed head under her arm, and she took a moment to prop the head back in its place. "It's Biffy!" said Joel. "But, but...I thought you only killed evil Prom Queens?, " asked Janice. Biffy just shrugged and said, "Prom Queens, Drag Queens, they're all the same to me. And besides, don't they both dress just as badly and apply heavy make-up with trowels?" Biffy then looked Terrence over from head to toe and a puzzled look came on her face as she stared at his crotch. "Hrmm...I didn't know they made flesh-colored toothpicks," she giggled. "You know, Terrence, you should go pick on someone you're own size...like a shrew maybe." Then she dropped kicked him in all his naked glory out the attic window. Outside, Terrence landed on an elderly lady, who in turn pepper spray'd him to death. "Well, my job is done here, " said Biffy as she dusted off her hands. "I'm off to slay other people who lack any sense of fashion whatsoever. Hmm...I think next on my list is the whole cast of Melrose Place. Ta ta!." She then skipped her way out the door. Janice and Joel looked at each other in bewilderment for a second, then they sighed with relief. They wondered...are their troubles over?|