Chapter 6
| The Story | The Authors |
|---|---|
| Zsa Zsa Gabor got sucked into an epresso machine and turned into epresso. That day the Starbucks coffee shop went broke because nobody would eat their epresso because it was ugly-fat-lady-flavored. "K who's next?" asked Terrence. Joel added, "This isn't even a rehearsal, what are you so-called directors doing here in the middle of the desert?" "We're filming a movie!" said the so-called director. "But we're not actors!" exclaimed Janice. The so-caled director answered, "We're doing a documentary, you skinny minor FREAKS!!!" "Twinkle tweinkle little star," recited Dianne, "What you say is what you are!" "Oh that's an OLD one!" retorted the so-called director. "By the way our next documentary is on outer space, you could help us with it because you seem to be FROM there!" Dianne, always a quick thinker, decided to | |
| take the so-called director up on his offer. She consulted her mother. "Think of it, mommy! We can be in the movies! People will be running up to us and asking for our autographs and stealing our laundry from the clothesline, and papparazzi will be trying to run us down...oh the excitement of it all!" Janice just shook her head and said, "Hmm...well, I don't know, dear. It IS the holiday season, and 'tis the season to be shopping for clearance sales. Do you think we have time to do this before K-Mar...err...BLOOMINGDALES closes??" She barely caught herself, and smiled while trying to hide her embarrassment. She looked over to where Terrence and Joel were standing. The two were doing nothing but picking the sand grains out of their noses, so she decided that it would at least get them out of the desert. But she wasn't sure it was the right thing to do. | |
| So Dianne, Terrence, Joel, and even their mother Janice got to be in the movies. They became world famous for inventing cool special effects, they had some GREAT ideas! The most famous was called the Dianne tecnique, it was Dianne's idea. The Dianne tecnique was | |
| really an idea thought up by the Pod people who resided in Peoria, but through Dianne's mental telepathy and amazingly gifted talent of digging through other people's garbage cans, she managed to swipe the technique and make it her own before the Pod people got pissed and tried to sue the crap out of her. So Dianne was rich beyond belief, even more wealthier than her mother and two brothers. The Pod people were furious! The Pod people wanted revenge! They also wanted a good recipe for apple pie because the apple pies on their home planet of Loogiglop tasted like grzzglap, which was Pod slang for "the snot which hangs like the dew of springtime from your glorious gaping nostrils". So the leader of the Pods assembled his people for a meeting to discuss what to do about Dianne. | |
| It was decided to elevate her to the archtypical status of the neophrene, although there were of course some of the elders who objected to this unsubtle usurpation of their authority. | |
| A vote to decide Dianne's fate was in order, and so began the proceedings. The circle of elders bickered and grumbled amongst themselves as the last votes were tallied. The official ballot counter whispered in the ear of the Leader, who in turn faced the anxiously awaiting crowd. "It is decided," began the Leader, "that the mortal known as Dianne, will now and forever be regarded as..." | |
| the daughter of the Rising Moon Tribe.. She will be permitted to practice her craft and to face no penalty for doing so. She has proven to be harmless in her use of the herbs and flowers. Dianne will bring us into a new era of healing and knowledge. We praise her and accept her as our Shamanic hero. | |
| So Dianne was exiled to the Rising Moon tribe. She was the medicine man's wife but she didn't like the medicine man because he had an ugly face. Terrence, back in Hollywood, had telepathy so he knew this. He sneaked into the Rising Moon camp and quietly killed the medicine man. The next morning the Rising Moon tribe woke up to find the medicine man dead! They thought it was Dianne's fault because she didn't like the medicine man. Everyone was arguing over what was the best way to execute her when they reached the decision that |
2