The Figs of May - Carpe Testicularum

The Figs of May - Carpe Testicularum

Chapter 6

     The Story The Authors
Over the years Sherri became, in Hickey's mind, another specter gnawing away athis very sanity. As his squad car closed in on Jeremy Crink's ambulance, Matthew Hickey's festering hatred for all his tormentors, real or imagined, dead or alive, boiled inside him and focused like a laser beam on the wicked Jeremy. Today would be the day, God help Jeremy Crink, that Officer Hickey would get his pound of flesh. cuddles
Unbeknownst to the increasingly deluded Officer Hickey, the injuries Crink had sustained in the (really quite humorous) accident, would not be sufficient to to claim his life; however, they would prove fatal to the hapless ambulance attendant. This life of chronic ill luck culminated in the unfortunate reaction of the oxygen leaking from Crink's face mask, and the volatile gases floating about in the ambulance's close quarters, which originated from the vicious curry of the attendant's lunch, by way of his lower digestive tract. This caused the atmosphere in the ambulance to detonate explosively, claiming the attendant's life and causing the walls to acquire an outward bulge, but sparing the already injured Crink. Susan Kinal
Crink layed at the side of the road, bewildered and extremely hurt. He already had severe injuries to his buttocks, legs, and back from the toilet accident just less than an hour ago. Now, he had new injuries - a bleeding head and perhaps a broken arm. He began crawling towards the pay phone like a drunken snake. Fortunately for Crink, a police car pulled up from seeing the explosion from the freeway. It was officer Hickey, who originally helped Crink at the scene of the first accident. He quickly called another ambulance and tried to find out what happened to Crink. Crink could not speak clearly, so Officer Hickey decided to wait until he was feeling better. Crink's pereptual bad luck came into play again. It started to rain and hail. The golf ball sized hail was hitting Crink's injuries with the severity of a bowling ball hitting pins. Officer hickey began to pull him into his squad car, but before he had a chance to do so, Crink's ex-wife, who has multiple personalities, was having another one of her episodes. She ran Officer Hickey over with her caddilac and threw Crink in her car by his broken arm. Crink screamed with pain, and apparently, his ex-wife enjoyed that because she became "Esmerelda" her sado-masochist obsessive-compulsive control freak hooker personality. This is the one Crink referred to as personality number 6, when they were married. Lina

none

He wondered to himself whether he created that personality, when he married Wives No. 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6, without telling her. Perhaps so, he thinks so himself while patting his blonde hair to make sure not a strand was out of place.
Viv
He liked her hair and asked if it was real, she said no and neither am I. I am not a girl so please believe that Bob will be your next wife. J. Paul Kimberly
They each had eaten more styrofoam than anyone could have ever imagined. none
Yet, despite hardships in life. They continued to believe things would only get better Stupid fools... Jason
...and on and so on went Jeremy Crink's dijointed thoughts. He giggled helplessly to himself and ambulance sirens blaring passed a yellow Honda Golf on the left. Inside the other car he caught the cringing look of horror on a sallow human face. No matter to him.
He was quite enjoying this little chase of his with Hickey trailing behind. But where to lead him was the next question. This little lark had to have some ultimate destination. A sign. He needed a sign from Fate of some sort to show the way. He gave a grunt and leaned closer over the wheel. The double line snaking underneath him like an endless yellow anaconda. It was almost hypnotic the way it gently undulated. Almost alive. In the back of the ambulance Mother Hickey's gurneyed corpse rattled with the road vibrations. Crink snapped his gum in time with it.
Lanark
...and on and so on went Jeremy Crink's dijointed thoughts. He giggled helplessly to himself and ambulance sirens blaring passed a yellow Honda Golf on the left. Inside the other car he caught the cringing look of horror on a sallow human face. No matter to him.
He was quite enjoying this little chase of his with Hickey trailing behind. But where to lead him was the next question. This little lark had to have some ultimate destination. A sign. He needed a sign from Fate of some sort to show the way. He gave a grunt and leaned closer over the wheel. The double line snaking underneath him like an endless yellow anaconda. It was almost hypnotic the way it gently undulated. Almost alive. In the back of the ambulance Mother Hickey's gurneyed corpse rattled with the road vibrations. Crink snapped his gum in time with it.
Lanark


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