The Figs of May - Carpe Testicularum

The Figs of May - Carpe Testicularum

Chapter 10

     The Story The Authors
"I can't believe this is happening right now," she whispers in his ear. "I can't believe my menstrual cycle is beginning right now, you don't care do you?" Raven
"Why of course I don't care," he whispered back. "Just be careful as my wife washes the sheets tomorrow." Julianne
...And instantly, in a dream-within-a-daydream, Aben is transported back many years, to the unlikely, shameful occurences of his wedding-night...
...How proudly they had mounted the begarlanded stairs, he second, steadying his hands upon her broad rump to keep himself from slipping in his advanced drunkenness...
...How the world had shone as they hand hands and crossed over the threshhold into the inner sanctum prepared by her sisters and her illtempered camel of a mother, the conjugal bed wreathed in fragrant blossoms which played fugues of havoc upon Aben's allergies, and the specially fitted bridal-sheet which tradition insisted they should do their business through...
...His eyes lit upon the concave hole embroidered in the center of its white expanse. He had heard the story countless times from his older brothers and cousins... To be frank, he had always found it rather ridiculous, especially from the lazy vantage of afternoons spent dozing narcotically beneath perfumed mosquito-netting in the cool interior of Madame Lassfah's, nuzzling into the onion-fragnant armpit of Kafoozalem, most desiriable of the madame's girls-for-hire, tracing a finger along the rise of her flanks...
...His bride noticed his eyes upon the sheet and giggled. And that was the beginning of it...
...Because a woman muyst never, never, NEVER giggle at a man about to perform the act of coitus, no...
...No, for it was the foulest of omens possible to be heaped upon a man, and on his wedding-night, and boded nothing but ill, ill, ill winds, he cursed silently to himself, chewing his lip and blushing conflagratorily and unable to meet her gaze...
"Husband mine," she exclaimed with a further titter, "Why blush you so? Now that God has blessed our union and we are man and wife, there can be no shame in these things, no shame between us. Take off that kaftan of yours, and let us ourselves more comfortable make." She sputtered a great spout of a giggle into her hand, utterly failing to disguise it as a cough...
...And a thumbscrew turned inside of him. Aben felt tears welling in his eyes.
Philip
He spun, sitting in his spinning chair, to hide the tears that would otherwise have fallen more or less directly onto and down his cheek bones, but which now were sort of spiraling down and around his face, some collecting in his left ear (the good one) and the rest - the majority - collecting in the vicinity of his nose, which had just begun to heal. jarred
he knew not why this sadness was upon him, but decided to accept it anyway. There was no use fighting it. It would impose itself upon him anyway. Renu
He set his jaw and held his head high. It was the only way he would ever survive this chaos tj
Never had he been known to such a fact as this. Chara & Kimberleigh soon would find the truth about him. His secret will be unvieled to reveal this cheating scum. Chara
He's been doing this for years; scamming young girls. He'd scam
them in pairs, usually best friends or sisters. Quite shrewd in
his M.O., he'd pick designated places to pick up these young girls
(all of whom to be of legal drinking age, mind you. He wasn't a
pervert). Primarily in bars, college hangouts. He'd begin with a
subtle scan across the room to get a feel of the place. Then,
he'd spot a couple almost moments after. Was also quite the
gentleman, offering to buy the young women drinks. If any were a
difficult mark, he'd usually just let them go. He would get to
know the two, play one against the other, spliting them apart.
One would be jealous of the other because they both would develop
an interest in him but see, he knew this...which all the more made
his little game exciting. He thrived on that. Without that, he's
as good as powerless. He would then go out with one behind the
other's back, neither being the wiser...until he got caught...by
making the same date on the same night at the same restaurant but
with a different person. He got confused as to who he was going
out with that night, apparently. He took one date to the
restaurant where reservations were made but little did he know,
the other "date" was on her way to the restaurant, totally in the
dark. When he and the date were seated, they ordered a bottle of
Don Perignone to celebrate the evenng. Almost through the meal,
the "other" date shows up and stopping dead in her tracks, sees
what's going on! Collecting herself, she sachés over to the table,
apologizing for being late because her "RIDE" never showed up.
She then sits down like nothing ever happened, calls for the
waiter, then orders the most expensive thing on the menu,
just like her best friend. Throughout the evening, the two
continued ordering champaigne without reguarding their "date's"
financial status. The poor scum had no money to pay for the meals
and charges were pressed against him for deliberately getting the
girls drunk and stickingthem with the tab. The girls were taken
home safely while the creep was carted off to jail. Luckily, a
female officer recognized the man from where "THEY" were going out
and knew that the AMERICA'S MOST WANTED was searching him out,
too! She turned him in and is now in Federal custody. Turns out,
he's had several bench warrants pending and $2000 in unpaid
parking tickets that must've collected over the years...and the
whole thing was set up by none other than Chara and Kimberleigh.
They finally did to HIM what he did to THEM!

Michael E Lambert


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