Chapter 3
| The Story | The Authors |
|---|---|
| Assistant Principal Hadley had seen many strange things in his years of acedemia. At that moment all his experience came together and he knew what these foul creatures were. He knew what they had to be. Yes, they were the dreaded Bagel Gnomes! Often wispered about in the cafeteria during breakfast. Whenever someone's bagel was missing, most knew the bagel gnomes were there! The smell of lox can draw a bagel gnome out from miles of their subterranian tunnels. Being the conservative that he was, Hadley never believed these tails. They would be his down fall! Was his life worth the price of this imported smoked nova lox? It would have to be. So he had an idea. | |
| Stripping naked and covering himself in lox scent, he began to dance about. Upon smelling such strong scent, the gnomes raced toward Hadley. When they arrived, out of breath and sweaty, they saw up close what had been giving off the smell. Upon seeing said sight, one unclothed conservative Principal Hadley, most appeared to die promptly, falling over with a strange twitching and heaving. The others began to babble and shriek as if they went insane or were so frightened that they would never return to steal bagels again. Hadley was most proud of himself, and began to dance naked for what seemed like hours, something he'd always wanted to do in the cafeteria. He then began to realize something about himself; he liked being naked! How, though, might he remain both naked and Principal? There's the problem. | |
| He decided he couldnt do that and he would only be naked in his own time, however, he was naked now. He hid his shame and ran off before anyone saw him | |
| Hadley took a step back, making for the way he had come, but the bagel gnomes had him surrounded. "Be a Mensch and give us the lox and no one gets hurt" croaked the creature nearest him. "A little nosch is all we ask." Assistant Principal Hadley began to sputter a protest. "tsk tsk tsk This is how you would treat us? Oy Vey! We ask politely for you to share your Nova and you bubber like an idiot. The Lox, please. See? I'm asking nicely." They began to close on him. "Isaac, Abraham, help the gentile." Instantly the ragged little gnomes were on Hadley and clawing at his pockets until they had wrested the lightly smoked fishy goodness from them. "See? Now was that so hard?" | |
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With still more similarly formless thoughts, inspired by the oungent
odor of the precious lox (not to mention an insipidly precise hankering
for Zabar's whitefish salad) Assistant Principal Hadley ran giggling
down the dark maw of the nearest tunnel, leaving behind the mad chirruping
of the Bagel Gnomes as they tore his clothes to shreds, fighting
each other and the tough fabric to get to the hidden whereabouts
of the smoked salmon ("Heh, heh, heh," thought Assistant Principal
Hadley; "The hidden vest pocket trick always gets 'em...") The grunts and squeals of the feeding frenzy faded behind him as he raced deeper into the tunnel. He felt as if he'd shed years along with his garments... It felt good to be naked, damnit! And to get the ol' juices pumping through this body again. Vitality! Nectar of the gods! He felt like he could keep running forever. | |
| He stumbled into a large room and fell to the floor. In this large room was an almost equally as large Queen Bagel Gnome. She looked down on him and smiled gleefully. His terror was relieved when the King Bagel Gnome returned to the room and put a long rusty sword to his skinny chicken neck. Hadley was then bound and gagged and taken to the main dinning hall, where it apeared he would be the main course! Hadley thought, damn, I wish I could get the smell of nova lox off of me. Mom always said my poor eating habits would be my downfall, but this. Eaten by bagel gnomes as a lox-kabob. It just couldn't be! | |
| "Hey there, big boy," whispered a gruff but unmistakeably feminine voice in his ear. The voice was followed by — good heavens, the moist tip of a tongue. On top of that a giggle. "Psst, my name is Geraldine," it said. "So don't call me juvenile delinquent." |
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