Chapter 7
| The Story | The Authors |
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| Cap'n Cupake knew that they must be getting close to their destination. There was already a hint of cocoa in the air when the breeze blew in from the nor'east and a few of the gulls who came to rest and roost on the Ignavia had their beaks stained brown with chocolatey crumbs. He turned to big Chief Big Wheel. No words were necessary. The Chief had seen it too. There was a ghost of a tear in the Big Chief's eye as he turned to inform their passengers. Home at last. | |
| While Cap'n Cupcake sat musing on the bow, astern stood his first mate, Ho-Ho, gazing out at the frothy blue sea as it lapped against the speeding hull of their trusty vessel. Too much time in the northern climes, he sighed. Closing his eyes his mind was filled with visions of Snowballs--those big, pink Snowballs--so cold and uninviting. He smiled as he felt the warm, salty breeze blowing back his hair, and opened his eyes once more upon the vast blue vista stretching out as far as his eyes could see. His reverie was broken by a small voice piping, "Mr. Ho-Ho! The Cap'n wants to see you on the foredeck!" It was Ring-Ding, the captain's cabin boy. Ho-Ho tousled the little chap's head and said, "Tell the captain I'll be their presently..." | |
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Suddenly, upon the veryest edge of the horizon they saw the masts, the sails, the potbullied hull and the rippling, modified Jolly Roger (a duck's skull and crossbones, to be exact) of their worst nightmares come true -- The Drake's Cakes Fleet! "Hard ter Starbo'd!" howled Cap'n Cupcake into the gale winds. "AN' quick about it, ye jolly jack tars! We've got company!" | |
| This sent Mr. Tickles into another vomitous fit and Injun Joe escorted him below where they'd both be safe - or so he thought. First mate Ho-Ho brought Cap'n Cupcake's spyglass to him. The captain stretched the telescope to it's full length and gazed through it with his good eye. "Shiver me timbers." he said in a low, frightened to the marrow of his bones tone. "It's the dread Pirate Twinkie and his band of bloodthirsty Zingers! The scalliwags!" The captain lowered his scope. "Man the cannons, Mr. Ho-Ho." he said, still staring across the sea towards the oncoming fleet. The first mate blew his bo'suns whistle to call the crew to arms. | |
| tHEY ALLcame running. they feel over each other as they ran for the guns. they were not afraid. | |
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Leaving Mr Tickles in a heap on a pile of rigging in the belly of the brig Injun Joe leaped into action supervising the loading of the cannons with ten pound malted milk balls. The crunchy shrapnel of these had been known to rip the tenderest and flakiest of pastries into a bloody pile of crumbs. Swords were drawn and the fearless crew prepared for battle. "If it's a fight they're after, they've found the right snack cake fer it" intoned the good Cap'n Cupcake. "but I'll not die today. I've got a tresure chest full o'gold foil coins and the finest candy necklaces to keep me in fruit pies til I'm old and stale. Brace y'selves lads! The battle is joined! and at that the first volley erupted from the Drakes ship. | |
| The decks were awash in creme filling as the injured and dying lay groaning on the boards. The roar of the cannons from both ships ripped through the smokey air. Flames began to lick at the sides of the ship, filling the holds with the stench of seared chocolate. "Put out those fires!" screamed the bo'sun's mate. "Aye, aye, Mr. Hines!" yelled a greasy seaman. Duncan Hines had seen many a battle, but none that raged so furiously or placed so much on the line for so many. | |
| As the seaman pumped Pepsi from the great and vast Cola Sea to extungish the greasy artificial flavored and colored pastery fire on board the S.S. Twinkie, he had visions of the great cake land that he and the other Mass Produced Desserts were fighting for. For the Mass Produced Desserts were fighing the Independant Consolidated Pastery Makers of the World for supreme control of the universe. | |
| As the seaman pumped Pepsi from the great and vast Cola Sea to extungish the greasy artificial flavored and colored pastery fire on board the S.S. Twinkie, he had visions of the great cake land that he and the other Mass Produced Desserts were fighting for. For the Mass Produced Desserts were fighing the Independant Consolidated Pastery Makers of the World for supreme control of the universe. |
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