Chapter 7
| The Story | The Authors |
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| You see, the seaman loved his pastries as he wanted it all to stay natuaral so he went to Europe can conquered The pastry company. He took control of the company and invented a new pastry called the sunshines. They were the best. | |
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Bravely and ferociously Cap'n Cupcake and his fearless crew fended off the attack from the S.S. Twinkie, but they were horribly outnumbered and outgunned. It was three against one and even Injun Joe who knew no fear began to wonder if this wouldn't be the day that he joined his ancestors in the Happy Hunting Grounds. Smoke began to billow out from the lower decks. Flaming marshmallow skewers were fired into the sails. The S.S.Ignavia was hemmed in on all sides by the enemy vessels. There was no place to run to. Cap'n Cupcake marshalled his crew to the foredeck where they were prepared to make their last stand. "All right me Lads, this is wherein we'll put up the good fight. Ye been a grand and jolly crew and I'll see ye in hell when we all get there." | |
| Chief Big Wheel let out a fearsome, bloodcurdling war-cry, to which the brave sailors (chocolate-covered, creme-filled jack tars to a man) responded by leaping to their stations oat the bubblegum cannons and beginning to pump nickels in and turn the levers. Pop! Pop-pop-pop-pa-pop! Brightly colored gumballs shot out across the water and peppered the pirate ship... | |
| The crew of the Ignavia fought bravely but for naught. They were simply outnumbered. It seemed that all was lost and just as the brave Capn' Cupcake was about to blow up his own ship rather than lose it to that rapscallion Twinkie, another ship appeared over the horizon and made it's way toward the battle at a goodly clip. Gazing through his spyglass, the captain recognized the vessel as the goodship Lollipop and at the helm was his dear old friend Captain Moonpie. Capn' Cupcake laughed out loud. "It's Moonpie! That ol' seadog's come back to repay that favor he owes me!" The captain's spirit was renewed and he charged the crew to hold the pirates at bay, help would soon arrive! | |
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Reloading their bubblegum and gumdrop cannons with a renewed fervor of nickels, the bold crew of the Ignavia launched into a rousing rendition of that veneerable old sea-chantey, "There's Nothing Else To Do," as they volleyed the ever-nearer specter of the pirate ship of Sir Francis Drake's-Cake with a fresh barrage of candy niblets and Mini Crumb-Crunch Donettesú, singing:
The ship's dog's name was Rover ...When over the waters their singing was cut short -- and through -- by a small, high-pitched, squeal of a voice, rather like a an octave or two of tuned doggy squeaky-toys, but insistent nonetheless, and familiar. Was it the fabled sirens? The mermaid, the sinuous hagfish, the fearsome Hai Ho Shang or the dread say-sarpint itself...? They stopped their singing and listened as the voice came winding and ululating over the bloodsoaked waves and wrapped its octopoid tendrils around them.
O-on the-eh | |
| Horror of horrors, it was none other than Little Debbie. | |
| Her siren song reached down into the very creme filling of the sailors. Swords and nickels were dropped in rapt attentin to the deadly and enticing sound of L'il Debbie's voice calling them one and all to come to her, come to her. A song of destruction that had many a tender flaky gob to hiws doom on the big rock candy reefs that surrounded Cupcake Island. | |
| At Cap'n Cupcake's command, the sailors and passengers aboard the good ship Ignavia stuffed their ears (and sundry other orifices, for good measure) with delicious creme filling, to drown out the keening vocal bansheetechnics of Li'l Debbie and the Mormon Closet-Junk-Food-Junkie Tabernacle Choir as they launched their assault upon the frigate of Sir Francis Darke's-Cake and his marauding buccaneers with an echo-laden version of "Bali H'ai." |
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