The Story

I knocked my battery operated translator a few times against the head of an unconscious streetperson. "Why doesn't (BANG) this damn thing (BANG) work?? (BANG! CRACK...) The resulting oozing dampness and the curious eyes from gathering onlookers convinced me I should make haste further downtown in search of fresh batteries. And so I did.
What do you know? I love you.
"What do YOU know? Nothing. Not a damn thing," she casually replied while tipping the flask of battery acid on my leg.
Defection
You meant disinfection didn't you? Yes, battery acid makes for a very effective antibacterial agent. I recommend washing your wounds with it.
She polished the pan until glossy and the bovines came prancing home.
then she ate a salad of leaves and tea bags
it was the greatest taste she had ever come across the flavour danced in her mouth like a fiddler on a roof, she'd never experienced somethink this amazing.
it was the greatest taste she had ever come across the flavour danced in her mouth like a fiddler on a roof, she'd never experienced somethink this amazing.
It was so temtping to take another glimpse of that live giving liquid...what could it be? Who cared...maybe juice...maybe blood...no matter what,it was divine! She had no other thought in her mind than to get more of it...cocaine...yes...that's how it felt. And she knew how cocaine felt for a very long time. But this was different...it was good. It had to be. It was all she ever dreamed...why give it up? No reason, no limit and no rules of use. Maybe it will kill her...nut what if she will be stronger??
At her own risk...she just started drinkung again...all these seconds she saw heaven...but his wrist was getting numb...he shouted.
She would't stop, so he pushed her away. They fought...
She tried to disarm him with a flying elbow smash. He ducked at the right moment, and she only grazed his shoulder. He countered by doing a whirling dervish maneuver he learnt from a Turkish prison sauna. She bobbed gingerly in and out of his path as she aimed killer kicks at his knees and lower chakras. But her efforts were fruitless as she was unable to make forceful contact. He attempted a headbutt on one of her muscular thighs but simply bounced off from the impact. They fought like this for hours and hours until
A dragon came in a blasted them all to death!
But, all was not lost
and he laughed..
.Ooh god yes he laughed. He laughed until he peed blood.
And it went on for days. That is, until Friday, when the You-Know-What came...
And then things suddenly took a turn for the worse. The skies became a darkest sable. All sheep lost their way and were devoured by wild creatures. Children were bitten by snakes. Friends became enemies. Lovers became haters. Saviours became executioners. The bowels of hell opened up and the universe was thrown into disarray.
And then things suddenly took a turn for the worse. The skies became a darkest sable. All sheep lost their way and were devoured by wild creatures. Children were bitten by snakes. Friends became enemies. Lovers became haters. Saviours became executioners. The bowels of hell opened up and the universe was thrown into disarray.
So the aussies must be awake, she thought.
I'm calling the cops! Right after I pick this booger.
Wait - that's disgusting!
But such a delicious habit. Especially on skewers! Want to taste?
no! say I, tis not how I fared! I fared not so well as that!
In all actuality on the way to the opera, I tripped on my own overblown ego and cracked my noggin in 46 equally annoying pieces.

"I' ll kill you slut."
yelled the man behind me.

"I' ll kill you slut."
yelled the man behind me.
"I had heard heard you the first first time," I answered back, not amused. "Did you just call me a slit?"
He stopped in his tracks. "Why, no," he replied quickly. "I, uhh..." his eyes shifted back and forth rapidly in an attempt to processes his thoughts. But I was too quick for him.
I grabbed him by his collar and shook him like a ragdoll. "I asked you a question and I expect to receive an answer in kind!" I screamed in his face with a good amount of spittle. "Now listen and listen to me good, I want a dozen red balloons filled with 50% helium and 50% nitrogen and make it snappy!"
I threw him into the nearest dumpster and continued to the nearest nail salon to have my chipped pinky repaired.
While there, who did I stumble upon but that same man, trying to steal the salon's sales balloons. I couldn't believe it. "Just you wait, young sir! Till I get done with this pinky here. Then you'll be sorry you saw me again!"

My pinky was finished and I gave the man what I had previously warned. Then, when I paused for a moment, I could see through his tears that, he was, in fact, not that man I thought he was... And on top of that, I chipped my thumb!!
"I'm flippin' the channels but all I get is lousy static. Bloody hell!"
"Grandmother, will you please cease this profanity at once!? I'm TRYING to study for my final examination tomorrow on advanced kama sutra techniques. So do you think I'm bending over exactly like the photo in the book?"
Chuck Norris wouldn't play Halo 2 with the likes of you
Chuck Norris wouldn't play Halo 2 with the likes of you.
but he would laugh at death with the muffin
high shine veneer on a raw surface with etched and rusted marks; what was once known as ideal is unclear. magazine gloss tells the untrue tales of what is perfect, but what is perfection? this has been going on for too long, we've lost touch with the beginning. so.we.run. we run from the gossamer fabric of society and their toilet paper answers. we run on floors scuffed so raw the concrete shows; but what is concrete will always find a way to show its authenticity. we smash realities with our technicolor apprehension and we leave splashes of hued footprints coloring what damage we have done. we run. we run out of the door only to discover it's a window, and we fall into the depths of who we are. but really all we are is a reflection of what we have been taught. the media is the source of this reflection, but it blinds us; it shines in our eyes like a dream. i see it everywhere- our life twisted within the extrapolated entity of our exaggerated dreams.


Just goes to show that computers and rabid monks cannot type.
Ok, yes, Kathy's a big fan, said the only way to get back on her good lside was to get you to autograph a book for her... her reply, distracted by her head descending into his lap. He moaned as she finally wrapped her lips around him, the feel of her hot mouth covering, moving up and down, making him shiver with desire. Not one to ignore a partner, he slipped a finger into
the electric toaster and offered his mate some blackened toast, his hand now covered with third degree burns. Meanwhile, she finally spat out the chiclet that was in her big ugly mouth, commenting that the flavor was all gone, tasted like aphid feces. He asked how on earth would she know, but she quickly dismissed the subject.
So he looked on in anger as she smiled while he was in pain, the devil stirred in her eyes but his love was just the same, how comes he couldnt hate her? Each day she puts a bullet in his heart and each day he doesnt even think about leaving her, is this love or is it his pain.
He diagnosed it as an acute case of goiter, aggravated by a scabies infestation. She was not worth the trouble, he decided, and so he gave her a ride to the Great Mall, gave her his credit card (which was much less a credit card and much more a laminated bus pass, long expired), pointed her in the direction of her favorite shops, told her the sky was the limit, he will be back in a few hours (oh sure), and promptly drove away with a new lease on life.
Yea.
The Great War of Mars

A musty wet smell hung in the room like a deadly cloud. The Martians’ attack was fended off successfully. This was our first victory since we landed on the baron soil of Mars. No one was celebrating the victory. We all sat horror-stricken waiting for the next attack. We have no communication with Earth. The aliens destroyed the communication node. We have no electricity at all, and our spacecraft were destroyed during the landing. All of us thought it was safe to come here. We should have listened to Colonel Sanders, the commander of the U.S. Space Defense Platform, when we had the chance. NASA said there was no life on Mars. NASA said they would send reinforcements once we landed. NASA said our spacecraft would survive the landing, but no, NASA had no idea what was going on here. KA-BOOM! “They’re here!”
The herd of eight foot, muscular, orange Martians came running through the razed wall. There was no way of telling how many Martians there was this time. A great battle broke out. Our chances of winning were horribly slim.
“Retreat!” I yelled. A soldier tossed a grenade to hold off the enemy long enough for us to regroup in the next room of the base. We are safe for now. Everyone went to sleep. We all have been up for days. Will we all die? Will we see Earth again? Do we surrender? All of these questions were racing through my mind.
“The door won’t hold for much longer,” moaned a soldier. After the door (as well as the wall) came crashing down, a deafening roar comes from the sky. NASA has come to save the settlers.
“To War!” yelled the captain.
“To War!” chanted the army.
“To Death!”
“To Death!”
“Charge!” they all chanted. The army ran down the ramp and attacked the enemy. NASA’s army won.
“Retreat!” yelled the Martian captain. “This fight is done. Flee to the base!”
At night, we build a fire. We sit and eat the remains of our dead soldiers. We have sunk to the level of cannibalism. We have no other food.
“We need to rebuild the fort,” suggested the captain.
“How?” I asked. “We have nothing left of our base but ash and splintered wood.”
“Well send word back to Earth that we need materials.”
“We don’t have that kind of time. The Martians will probably come with another attack tomorrow with even more force than before.”
“Then we’ll have to fight it off.”
“There is no fighting them off. They’ll just keep sending more and more units. The question isn’t can we beat them; it is how long can we keep them from slaughtering us. There is no hope.”
“There is always hope.”
“They all will die!”
“Then I shall die as one of them!” the captain stormed out of the room. What was he thinking? There is no way we can win this war. There isn’t even a way to survive this war. We can’t even leave. If we do, they’ll chase us all the way back to Earth and kill us there. I went to bed that night before everyone else.
The next day I awoke to find the frame of a metal fort built on the remains of the old base. I thought, what the heck, and went and helped build the fort. At about mid-day, we all heard a large rumbling. We thought it was another attack.
“NASA!” someone yelled. “It’s NASA!” The drop ship unloaded all of its supplies and reinforcements. We all took a short break for lunch and went back to work. Everyone worked together. We finally had a place to sleep. Exhausted, we went to bed. We finished building the fort eight days later.
We woke up to explosions the following morning. The battle has begun. Gigantic missiles come straight towards our base.
“Activate the energy shields!” commanded the captain. The missiles hit the shield with a deafening roar.
“Target is locked on, captain,” informed a soldier.
“Fire!” yelled the captain. The spread bomb was heading straight for the target. A blinding light streaked from the largest tank in the middle of the line of tanks.
“Target destroyed!” yelled the captain. One tank down; nine hundred ninety-nine tanks to go. As well as at least ten thousand soldiers to go. From the sky, a giant juggernaut came to aid the Martians.
“We’re outnumbered!” yelled one of the soldiers.
“We will fight to the death!” the captain retorted. I wondered if I’d ever see Earth again. There was almost no hope. Our only hope was if Colonel Sanders sends his super soldiers and his advanced spacecraft and weaponry. Colonel Sanders had already refused to help with this mission because he advised NASA so many times to stop this mission
“Our energy shields won’t survive a hit from that juggernaut,” informed the shield operator. This was it; it’s two hits from the juggernaut and we all will be dust in the wind.
“Here it comes!” screamed the shield operator. BANG! It hit the shield. The shield generator lit up to a bright red and the shield monitor went black. The juggernaut was generating the second shot when, all of a sudden, the juggernaut lit up and exploded. Was it a casualty of friendly fire? No, it was Colonel Sanders and his super soldiers! The landing crafts unloaded one hundred super soldiers to fight. As soon as they got off the ship, they pulled out anti-tank missiles and fired at all the tanks. The soldiers took out all the tanks within minutes of their arrival. It was now time for their hand-to-hand combat. They took out automatic laser rifles and started to rip the enemy to shreds. It was one hundred verses ten thousand, but our hundred soldiers were destroying them like a hot knife through butter. Finally, the battle was over. While we lost only three soldiers, they lost their entire army. I just hope they don’t have more.
“We have a few choices,” informed Colonel Sanders. “We could leave Mars and use an EMP projectile to destroy the planet completely, confront them at their base, or sit here and wait for the next attack.”
“We don’t want to destroy the planet!” I exclaimed.
“I say let’s confront them and try to get rid of them,” suggested the captain.
“Why don’t we take a vote?” I asked.
“Okay,” said the captain. “All in favor of going to war, say I.”
“I!” I said
“I!” retorted the Captain.
“Then it’s settled. We shall battle them on their own turf this time!” exclaimed Colonel Sanders. “We will march to battle tomorrow.”
It was a cold Friday morning. The whole army was marching to battle. If this army couldn’t defeat the Martians, no one could. At 5 am, we reached the alien base.
“This is perfect!” I said. “They never thought we would come and actually attack them.” This was true. Their base was dead. No one was guarding it or anything.
“Fire the bazookas at their mounted weapons,” ordered the colonel. The bazookas detonated of their mounted weapons. Their base suddenly came alive; aliens were running about everywhere.
“Get ready when the enemy arrives,” prepped the colonel. “Your new weapons have laser bolts instead of bullets. The lasers are much more lethal.” Out of the front gate comes hundreds of Martians.
“Fire” yelled the commander. We opened fire and the first line falls dead. Coming up from the center of the base were ten juggernauts. We would never win with those things firing.
“Bazookas shoot down those juggernauts,” I ordered. A cluster of little rockets went towards one of them. With a deafening roar, the juggernaut crashed into another one. Both went crashing into their base, destroying and light their base gigantic on fire. The endless train of their army had finally stopped. After a few more launches all the juggernauts were gone. On the other hand, we were losing the ground battle. “Bazookas drop your weapons and join in the firefight.”
“Victory! We have victory!” Their army was defeated. Against all odds, we won. This planet is now safe from the Martians. All that is left to do is to rebuild.

Then the duck woke up from his wet dream and found himself hanging featherless outside of the Chinese chopshop.
Do you have chitlins?
That last bit got me to thinking. Should I serve Wedish meatballs or Anish pastries at the Women's Carpet Diving function this evening?
so beyond the illusion
but still not smart enough to determine his mother's species,
He decided, instead, to find another small chipmunk-like animal with three arms on its right side.
So, he began his journey of discovery. He started out in San Francisco, and searched the local yellow pages. Alas, to no avail. In some small way, he was glad that his mother didn't live in SF. So, he searched the East Coast instead. One night, as he was sitting in his little room eating peanuts, he noticed something on TV. There, starting right back at him from the screen, was a life-sized version of
the Pope, smiling and laughing as if there was no tomorrow. Little did he know: there wasn't.
Gummi bears are my only friends.
We drink merlot amidst soft sundri modes
Then spit it out because red wines make us gassy
"But isn't being gassy what life is all about?" I asked my friends, "Isn't a fart like a breath of fresh air...assuming you have just finished eating feces?"

"Ronald," said Beth, "You really need to stop coming up with analogies. You are making me ill and I may throw up on your shoes."

"Touche, Beth," I chuckled, "Touche."
You really need to stop coming up with analogies
You walked away
When said you'd stay
the man sat by the river bank humming a tune offhand
and saw a ghost staring at him humming the same tune
At first he froze in place, turning pale as the moon. After a few seconds had passed and for no apparent reason he hummed a different tune and the ghost, as before, hummed the new tune.
Facing the challenge set by the ghost, you do the only thing you know to do. Get out your banjo. You rock out. You know ghosts can't play banjos. They never could.
They never would be able to. Perhaps if they took control of a mortal still alive, they could control them to, but on their own they could not.
But mortals were such inconvenient pawns. They almost never wanted to be managed, and were generally more trouble than aid. And so they thought to find a being of the third realm - one more than mortal - perhaps with the touch of mischief needed to be engage willingly.
But mortals were such inconvenient pawns. They almost never wanted to be managed, and were generally more trouble than aid. And so they thought to find a being of the third realm - one more than mortal - perhaps with the touch of mischief needed to engage willingly.
And I walked to your house and mooned you because I was in a fiesty mood.
There was no reason to stop, for you put on my favorite song.
But when you turned around, I saw it was playing already
The song that I had longed for all my life.
what do i do
you just jump in your room and eat potato chips
Too many chips!
And not enough vinegar!
I do say, that sometimes it is a bit too tangy anyway
It reminds of this one time when I was being attacked by lemons
lemons are on crack yo.
said He, pointing to his butt crack. The audience was both appalled and fascinated at the same time, the audience being composed of one three-armed squirrel and a can of mountain fresh Lysol(tm). How he balanced lemons on his behind was the great mystery yet to be solved by a three-year old savant with glasses so thick one could see the moons revolving around Uranus.
ome2443@pangloss.com
Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary=dd2ce26800e8812d72a47ceb7416a45f MIME-Version: 1.0 Subject: strangers bcc: bajfla1@aol.com This is a multi-part message in MIME format. --dd2ce26800e8812d72a47ceb7416a45f Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit laden with books in almost every language. he larger table was covered with the results of scientific research, mingled with papers, manuscripts, and some mathematical instruments. large book lay open on the --dd2ce26800e8812d72a47ceb7416a45f-- .
the
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hand bills announcin his business. e always breaks through a window instead iv goin through an open
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.

dance
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illiams an others not so much. t grows tiresome afther awhile. confess to ye, lgernon innissy, that befure th monkey was inthrajooced, was sufferin fr m what ogan calls onwee, which
--90d6ca45539a0f9bf4959f0927642ae9--

.

The Dutchess glared at him with judgmental fiery eyes, looking him over from head to toe and back again. Finally, she uttered "Well, I never!" before storming off and before he had an opportunity to remark how the Dutchess's mouth was as wide as her hips.
things are not always as they appear
dfdddddd
Really? That's your cupsize? Your back must be made of reinforced steel!
So...do you want a chiropractor or a welder, madam?
So the pope, armed with a .45, proceeded to enter the house. As he crept through the parlor, he noticed that Jesus was hiding, only with a shovel. They continued to fight until Santa broke up the fight by throwing a reindeer in their direction.
so saith Opus Dei in their recently published exercise pamphlet entitled, "Curl Up And Dei".
Meanwhile, in a greasy spoon roadside cafe somewhere across the pond, a weathered truck driver stubbed out the remains of his cigerette, never taking his eyes off 'Mandy' the waitress. She had smiled at him when she gave him his fry up, called him 'Honey', and now he was in love. Again.
His fingers were dirty and twisted, his imagination was much, much worse.
I gave him a deep-cleansing manicure of the mind, and we dined on marshmallows for seven days.
Afterwards, I killed the little bugger! He was such a big beatnik, man. He was like:
Oh crazy Ginsberg
Shakespeare tres grow inside my mind
Am you the musician
Of reincarnation times?
That's a poem he wrote "for his friend". I travelled up to Old York town on my horse, Andy, to find out about his friend.
His friend turned out to be a potted chrysanthemum named Jorge.
Nevertheless, I struck up a conversation with my notepad at ready.
"So... Jorge. Shall we start by explaining your involvement in the beat generation?"
Jorge sat there nonchalant and green, with yellow blossoms tight and still.
"Were you instrumental in the post-beat, pre-hippy movement of the 1960s?," I said, tapping my pen upon my blank notepad.
I thought I heard Jorge's leaves rustle at my question, but he remained aloof. I sighed and lit a cigarette. I decided it would be best to approach this from a different angle. I picked up Jorge and introduced him to my horse Andy, who immediately commenced dining on Jorge rather happily. Unabashed, I leaned up against the windowsill and happened to glance down at the rising commotion outside on the street.
when suddently it appeard to me that josh was a fucking animal a brute
when suddently it appeard to me that josh was a fucking animal a brute
I think Iain was his biological father.
At that awakening revelation, I marched into the kitchen and baked some muffins.
I marched in the room, put them in the oven, and burnt myself.

HEELLLLP!!! I screamed as my appendages fell away and writhed like rotten noodles.

YAY
I was sent down to hell, where all the animals lived, and Satan told me, "HA HA HA HA YOU LOOK SO RETARDED!!!!!"
you're an ass, I replied
He blurted, "I DO NOT!!!!" and cried like a bushbaby. He had my head severed off and served on a platter of iceburg lettuce leaves to a commune of angst-filled teenagers who, apparently, were common in this region of the netherworld.
walked slowly pass after
It seems the angst-filled teenagers were also incapable of writing complete decipherable sentences.
The clues that were given, were wiped away from the dust covered benches as the wind howled it's welcome, tearing away fragments of particles deep within the crevices.
Another participle dangled precariously, fell off, and metaphorically bit the dust.
Then I woke up. I realized that it was not Andy who ate Jorge. It was me. Jorge was really a peyote cactus and I had been a victim of its satanic trickery. It was 6:15 the next morning and I found myself prone on the sidewalk next to a convenience store with an empty can of bean dip and a half eaten hot dog next to me; hell is relative.
why not?
I reluctantly ate the other half of the hot dog after thinking about the starving people in whatever country the convenience store's cashier was possibly from. A rotund man in a trilby walked passed, shook his head sympathetically and tossed me a five dollar bill before continuing on his way.
"I don't need your damn charity!" I shouted as I quickly stuffed the money into my non-existant cleavage. I got up, dusted myself off, and looked around for my horse Andy. There was a scant trail of bean dip leading off down the street and my instincts told me to follow it.
It turned out to lead to a man who kicked me in the ass and ran away
pick my butt

with your tongue
with your tongue
with your tongue
sex
rock and roll

plots or not
to be buried within
it was a dull day outside when my skull began hurting. therefore i started to walk so my pelvis was dancing like elvis. after a while i took a look at my radisu which i thought it looked hidus but then two seconds later clavical started to hurt which i thought that was even more classical. and when i was walking my tiba began to hurd and i forgot my name was lidia
I also forgot I didn't give a damn and ate the sugar-free candy laced with manitol. I waited paitently by the toilet with an issue of Reader's Digest.
Only then did I realize that it wouldn't be nearly long enough.
Still, the advertisements were amusing, especially the home study courses future 4H club auctioneers and the build-it-yourself corn distiller.
yeah like it was so amusing
Henry dont eat the cheese! it will kill you!!! what the freakin did you say
today was an average day and i was just eating lunch with my friends and they were saying really insulting jokes and i actually took it seriously
So I pulled out my thirty-four magnum and blew off their heads. I hadn't realized what I'd done until the TV sprouted teeth and ate them all up. I stared at the bloody teeth of the TV screen as my friends were sucked into Batman's billowing cape. And than Batman jumped out of the TV's mouth, covered in my friend's blood, and
hung upside down in my bedroom's walk-in closet. He wouldn't come out, he'd just growl. So then,

I got the broomstick and chased Donald Trump out of my house once and for all.
Why batman had suddendly become Donald Trump, I dont know. It will remain a mystery for eternity it seems.
Until my next slice of cheese on cardboard.
At least by then, I will know if the cheese is edible, or if it has green fuzz growing on it's top and sides, cascading down to the refrigerator shelf in a random, yet orderly fashion.
In part I felt bitter remorse for my actions, but I knew the sensation would pass after a good night's rest. As I entered my bed chamber a tainted aroma enveloped my face, curling the bristles of my pubescent moustache. I drew away from the stench in a gagging recoil as I backed into the hallway. I cursed and wiped the wetness from my eyes before looking up at the door. It was standing open, and a dull, smoky haze stained the air.
My concern was primarily for the contents of my knapsack, which I had carelessly left near the bed. Though it was hidden beneath some blankets I'd strewn during my first nap and romp, I knew that whatever force was emitting the haze would see past (or worse, through) all barriers to the prize. It was my policy to never to be too tidy--lest theives find loot with ease. But this was no amateur. The night would be long...
Was there time enough to dismantle my prizes, or would they still be recognized in their sorrowful state? I took a chance and tentatively removed the outer casing for which I had searched so long. Would the bargain struck indeed cost the soul of one? I had to know, even if it meant losing all that we had recovered thus far...
I took two, three steps, hesitated. I did not know awaited just beyond the door. I did not! I placed my hand on the knob, then recoiled in pain as though I had touched arctic ice. Tears streaming down my face, my breath in shallow rapid swallows, I ignored the flood of sensation and sensibility telling me I should turn around, run for dear life!

With a blind, animal forcing, I turned the knob and heaved the door open...
White blinding light and a voice called out,

"JUDITH A. QUISP, THIS IS YOUR LIFE!", followed by a flurry of confetti, party favours, and wrinkled smiling faces of moth-balled reeking strangers telling me how delighted they were for me. "Here! Have some cheese," chimed one of the guests, as he brusquely shoved a slice at me.

Everyone seemed happy. I smiled. Everyone smiled back. After a few bites of cheese, I cleared my throat. Someone noticed and said, "She's making a speech everyone! Hush! Hush now!" Everyone hushed. Their faces were wide with smiles that stretched their wrinkled faces taut. They looked like rosy faced porcelain.

I blushed with all those eyes upon me. "Thank you all. Yes, thank you! But, I..." I coughed."M-My name isn't Judith A. Quisp." I smiled and closed my eyes just briefly. The silence seemed like forever, then the sound of a teacup smashing to bits as it hit the ground sliced through the silence like a hot cheese knife.

I opened my eyes. Everyone was frowning at me. Menacingly.
My name is Q. D. Smiffuwitz. I like pie. Bleh.
Oh noes aliens. Whats that nooooo


Teh end
She couldn't spell and chew tobacco at the same time.
But she didn't care. She had graduated three years ago and hadn't had to spell since.
Well, she liked to say she had graduated. Actually, she had just dropped out because she was simply
too stupid. Nobody liked her either- they found it odd that every day at lunch she would sit sucking her
thumb while staring intently at those "Got Milk?" posters that had been stuck to that wall since who
knows when. You'd think they were some kind of novelty, though, the way she'd sit there, in the table in
the corner all by herself, sucking her thumb and looking up at the milk-mustachioed Bon Jovi and Dolly
Parton. One day a boy had flicked a fry at her and she just stood up and said, "That's it." She walked out
that day and never came back- it was the last month of her senior year. Everyone liked to joke that if
she'd stayed just a bit longer she maybe could have learned to finally spell her own name. Some of the
kids wagered she'd come back to visit those cheesy advertisements on the wall, but she was lactose
intolerant, anyway, and never stepped foot in that school again.
And obviously not as a woman, no. Not after that operation last summer that changed her into Wilbur von Dingler.
Yes, i know it was diffcult learning to pee while sitting
and for the girls. it was hard to learn to pee while standing
Yet they did, and did so gleefully!
yf6aXh8kqcHmO Tt89MrfjZss tEtcYN8kDSlJq1
They would often hold hands and chant in lyrical gibberish while they did it. The yearbook had exclusive photos and the teachers' lounge sold CD recordings!
tye'; bnd
As another idiot has a spasmatic attack at the keyboard...
he gets a message on the computer
that promply urges him to run out into oncoming traffic
in his mother's sunday frock
he grabed a goat
the goat ate the frock
evryone dies
everyone lives
life passes by
and so does the wind
everyone lives
life passes by
and so does the wind
s, but I knew the sensation would pass after a good night's rest. As I entered my bed chamber a tainted aroma enveloped my face, curling the bristles of my pubescent moustache. I drew away from the stench in a gagging recoil as I backed into the hallway. I cursed and wiped the wetness from my eyes before looking up at the door. It was standing open, and a dull, smoky haze stained the air. Josh
My concern was primarily for the contents of my knapsack, which I had carelessly left near the bed. Though it was hidden beneath some blankets I'd strewn during my first nap and romp, I knew that whatever force was emitting the haze would see past (or worse, through) all barriers to the prize. It was my policy to never to be too tidy--lest theives find loot with ease. But this was no amateur. The night would be long... karenh
Was there time enough to dismantle my prizes, or would they still be recognized in their sorrowful state? I took a chance and tentatively removed the outer casing for which I had searched so long. Would the bargain struck indeed cost the soul of one? I had to know, even if it meant losing all that we had recovered thus far... Kim Brosche`
I took two, three steps, hesitated. I did not know awaited just beyond the door. I did not! I placed my hand on the knob, then recoiled in pain as though I had touched arctic ice. Tears streaming down my face, my breath in shallow rapid swallows, I ignored the flood of sensation and sensibility telling me I should turn around, run for dear life!

With a blind, animal forcing, I turned the knob and heaved the door open... Sussy Pence
White blinding light and a voice called out,

"JUDITH A. QUISP, THIS IS YOUR LIFE!", followed by a flurry of confetti, party favours, and wrinkled smiling faces of moth-balled reeking strangers telling me how delighted they were for me. "Here! Have some cheese," chimed one of the guests, as he brusquely shoved a slice at me.

Everyone seemed happy. I smiled. Everyone smiled back. After a few bites of cheese, I cleared my throat. Someone noticed and said, "She's making a speech everyone! Hush! Hush now!" Everyone hushed. Their faces were wide with smiles that stretched their wrinkled faces taut. They looked like rosy faced porcelain.

I blushed with all those eyes upon me. "Thank you all. Yes, thank you! But, I..." I coughed."M-My name isn't Judith A. Quisp." I smiled and closed my eyes just briefly. The silence seemed like forever, then the sound of a teacup smashing to bits as it hit the ground sliced through the silence like a hot cheese knife.

I opened my eyes. Everyone was frowning at me. Menacingly. el ron flubbard
My name is Q. D. Smiffuwitz. I like pie. Bleh.
Oh noes aliens. Whats that nooooo


Teh end
She couldn't spell and chew tobacco at the same time. fanny farms
But she didn't care. She had graduated three years ago and hadn't had to spell since. the chuck
Well, she liked to say she had graduated. Actually, she had just dropped out because she was simply
too stupid. Nobody liked her either- they found it odd that every day at lunch she would sit sucking her
thumb while staring intently at those "Got Milk?" posters that had been stuck to that wall since who
knows when. You'd think they were some kind of novelty, though, the way she'd sit there, in the table in
the corner all by herself, sucking her thumb and looking up at the milk-mustachioed Bon Jovi and Dolly
Parton. One day a boy had flicked a fry at her and she just stood up and said, "That's it." She walked out
that day and never came back- it was the last month of her senior year. Everyone liked to joke that if
she'd stayed just a bit longer she maybe could have learned to finally spell her own name. Some of the
kids wagered she'd come back to visit those cheesy advertisements on the wall, but she was lactose
intolerant, anyway, and never stepped foot in that school again. Mopp
And obviously not as a woman, no. Not after that operation last summer that changed her into Wilbur von Dingler. Plopps
Yes, i know it was diffcult learning to pee while sitting
I knew eating that 10-month old slice of anchovy pizza would come back to haunt me.
"What were you thinking?" it said to me as I lay in bed at night, cheese dripping from its forhead.
With the familiar smell of dead fish and its mozzarella hands at its hips, it reminded me of a reprimanding southern mammy. "Yo fool-heathen chile!" it shrieked at me.
I was scared stiff and remebered what grammy had told me about this kind of creature, "Ya, it is a scary creature but only wants a friend. Heh heh heh!" I wasn't too sure this one looked too friendly but i decided to give it a try.
I offered to set up a blind date for it with my visually impaired cousin Doris.
She smiled nervously, her only skill, being that her eyes were missing. I asked her if she would be willing to go on a blind date, and she laughed, catching the humor immediately. "I do hope he is not ugly," she said, grinning. I didn't know whether to laugh or not. She just kept smiling.
And she smiled, and she smiled some more. My, what a set of Summer-Teeth he said, with out realizing he had spoke that aloud. Yes, "Some are here" and Some are there", she just didn't have a full set! Offended, you could hear her shriek "Thou villainous folly-fallen miscreant!" as she stomped off into into the other room


He replied in a loud voice and said to her"I am sorry for the outburst, but you are so beautiful of face and song that I just could not understand why you would allow this flaw to embrace you and bring you such embarassment''.
his night I shall dream of your great mango sing rose.
Once again, this night as all nights, I long to sip from your harp-pink lips.
In my dreams we fly on the exquisite doging cockatoo bra of love, skimming vast continents of sydneys and foots.
The seas shall never separate our liquid nitrogens.
Its waters wave like small arm angels greeting us from afar.
We shall feast on chocolate-coated shirt and tender Tokyo hearts of love.
Adorned in white silk, we pluck our screams from our roses.
I shall hold your harp against my arm-muffin so that our liquid nitrogens melt into one.
You will always be my little runie face, the harp of my yellow eye of love
And then the effects of the alcohol wore off. I awoke to find myself in a dark, dreary, dingy room. The year was 1984 and life, as I knew it, was not. I was just a kid - a teenager in high school. It had all been a dream. Or was it? Perhaps it really was 2006. But, was this really earth? Where was I? I didn't really know.

I couldn't recall if my world was spinning from the champagne he and I had savored, or if I was still drunk from the love that we shared the night before. The sweet intoxication of those memories came flooding back, as my whole body flushed in response. I did not want it to end. His eyes caressed me. His voice beckoned me to stay...

I couldn't recall if my world was spinning from the champagne he and I had savored, or if I was still drunk from the love that we shared the night before. The sweet intoxication of those memories came flooding back, as my whole body flushed in response. I did not want it to end. His eyes caressed me. His voice beckoned me to stay...

I couldn't recall if my world was spinning from the champagne he and I had savored, or if I was still drunk from the love that we shared the night before. The sweet intoxication of those memories came flooding back, as my whole body flushed in response. I did not want it to end. His eyes caressed me. His voice beckoned me to stay...

I couldn't recall if my world was spinning from the champagne he and I had savored, or if I was still drunk from the love that we shared the night before. The sweet intoxication of those memories came flooding back, as my whole body flushed in response. I did not want it to end. His eyes caressed me. His voice beckoned me to stay...
"Sit still, you unfortunate hag!!" he insisted in a loud and obnoxious but disturbingly soothing voice. She dropped the broken wine bottle that she, just minutes before, had cracked upon his broad forehead. He continued, "Do you think we can finish this date with some civility? And perhaps less bloodshed?"
"It was not very tasty wine anyway," Doris replied. She sat back down and smoothed her serviette compulsively on her lap, her eyes staring down at her feet. "And that was a rather cruel remark you made, I will have you know. I am not an unfortunate," she said firmly. "I am a librarian."

"Though still a hag," he muttered under his breath.

Doris looked up. "What was that?"

"Nothing. Here, have some more wine."

She heartily from the glass, trying to drown out the sounds of her own thoughts.
She got up again. "Why you bastard. You are trying to kill me!" she said suddenly, and spat the wine out of her mouth and into his face. "I taste... arsenic!" She put her hands around her neck as though choking from a chicken bone.

He casually picked up a napkin and wiped his face. Leave it to me to be on a date with a drama queen, he thought. "I've done nothing. Sit down. You are making a fool of yourself. Look -- the others are all staring at you." He nodded at the other guests as he slowly hid behind his menu.

Eyes bulging more than usual and with arms flailing, she ran out of the restaurant like a wildwoman and commandeered the first cab waiting at the curb. Getting to the hospital to get her stomach pumped out was all she could think of at the moment.
so I grabber her and was like BIIIIIIIIIIIITCH.
so I grabbed her and was like BIIIIIIIIIIIITCH.
you are soo nice, I am sorry, I called you bitch
"I know you didn't mean it, at least, I hope you didn't." She started to get up and walk away but was stopped by him, as he gently touched her arm. "I'm sorry, I really didn't mean it, please stay." "We have to go" she said, we gotta get back to YADA, before someone deletes us. "But, but, we're just a FONT!" he screamed. "It doesn't matter. the moderators at Syr.com will find us, I just know they will!" As we got up to leave, I saw DK coming round the bend. "DK, have you seen anyone else??"
Just Boo, but he's turned into a Bad Rabbit. I heard something about Freq wanting to go to Wal-Mart to do some shopping, but Doob had a fit about that as it's not a union shop. So, The last I knew, Doob was heading over to see LGS and get a pickle, Mark was screaming of free speech, Newt was fighting with Aze and Mazz was out riding a Harley. The moderators have deleted all the good stuff and Gabe, Milo and Jat are all trying to get a cat with a thyroid problem to eat a tuna flavored pill. But then...OH NO! Someone is talking about BUNS and now all threads are gone! They're out to get us! HELP! Save us!!!!!
Deletions. Threads are gone and with them so are our characters into another realm...blog world. Falling down the rabbit hole they quickly find themselves in a strange new world met there by the Bad Rabbit himself.

So Dr. Boo and Mr. Rabbit fought an internal struggle between good and evil. "I just CAN'T let them delete us...I just CAN'T!!" Mark was soo insensed about having his right to free speech trampled on, he shouted, rather loudly, "What say you???!!!" As he mumbled under his breath, "You DARE remove MY post??...the wrath of "Free Speech and Cheap Talk" will have you ALL Groveling!" Bad Rabbit and Mark got together with Doob, and they formed a union to prevent such impingement of this sacred right! But this was not with out Woe, for Freq, tho, good hearted, loved to get under the skin of Doob!! Hell hath no fury!

Soon enough, doob started to feel mighty thirsty and hungry, "I have a hankerin' for some good EYEtalian food!! Just then, Greeneyezz comes flying around the corner and blurts out, "Hey Doob, that's no way to pronounce Italian!!!! As Doob takes a hearty swallow of his best Irish Ale, he winks at Greeneyezz and matter of factly states, "Hey ZZ, Tell THAT to LGS!!!"
Greeneyezz refused to be daunted by this, as there was bigger Chicken Parmeseans to be breaded. *Audience laughs out loudly* It seems that there was a medalian that was hidden and the lucky party would receive a cash reward. There would only be one other sleuther as qualified as she was for this job. "Hey Laxone!!!, Grab Newt and let's hunt for that medalian!!

So, Doob, Bad Rabbit, Greeneyezz, Laxone, and Newt all hopped into their cars and headed out for some Italian food. While there, they run into LGS, who somehow smells like Pickles. While waiting for a table, they heard a disturbance at the bar and suddenly see....

"'The time has come,' the Walrus said,
'To talk of many things:
Of shoes and ships and sealing wax,
Of cabbages and kings,
And why the sea is boiling hot,
And whether pigs have wings.'
But "Bored", if you come into Yada, you won't be, said syr.com.
I mean, I thought how can anyone be bored at syracuse.com when some spend more time deleting posts than they do reading them?
Now, now mark, STORY-related,,,,keep it STORY related!! Yada yada yada, I know, said one poster!!! And the real doobie you are not!, sorry. :(
your mom goes to college

And while there, she happens upon a bunch of people from Yada Land. It seems most have been deleted at some point or another. Among these Yada people, she sees...
your mother
Oh not here again, thought Doris.
But I haven't a brain, she thought.
Hmmm. No brain. She thought. Where can I get a brain? I NEED A BRAIN, thought the troll. Perhaps I can get a brain on ebay. I think I'll check. What luck! I can get a brain for the low price of .23. But, it's used. I wonder what type of thoughts are contained in it. Well, here it goes.

The troll purchased the brain, but when the package arrived in the mail, it was EMPTY! Still, though - it was better than the brain the troll had been using. The previous brain had not only been empty, but full of...

Shit!

"Yes that's right, most trolls are full of shit!" Doris said to herself. She mused on that thought for a brief second, and then realized the troll really should be pitied. "I mean, it must be horrid to walk around with shit for brains."
Anyway, Doris quickly realized she was running late. She needed to finish getting ready. The last parting note that she had was................


a list of the 50 or so names of people she was to blaspheme that day. "Alice B. Finkleberry," she said to herself. She drove to Alice's house.
Alice was busy pounding an Oriental rug over the edge of her porch when Doris drove up. Doris rolled down her car window. "Alice Stinkleberry!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. "That's number one!" said Doris triumphantly before Alice threw her cat's litter box through the car window.
With cat poop dripping from every part of Doris, Doris spead off. She had plans. Doris was going to take the dripping cat poop and give it to a person who she had heard could convert cat poop to fuel and sell it at Wal-Mart gas stations for $4.50. The consumer didn't know that it was cat poop, and paid the shot. The cost to convert the cat poop to fuel? .05. Wow. What a profit, and the consumers were none the wiser.
Luckily for Doris the litter box was only full of hair shaved from Alice's dog, as her cat had kicked the bucket the week prior. "Hey Allie, thanks for the shavings! They'll go just fine in my pillow I'm a making. Non-allergenic too. Ya could of stuffed them in a bag- though I guess my vaccuum cleaner will tidy this up right fast!" shouts Doris as she refuses to let Alice get the best of HER.

Doris gunned the accelarator and was making her way home when she heard the siren and saw the red lights behind her. "AWW SHIT!" Doris groans and pulls over. The policeman sidles up next to her car peering through the glass at all the hair flying all over the car. "License and registration Ma'am and while you're at it would you like to tell me how you got a car full of hair in there?"

The officer hurriedly walks back to his car and checks his clipboard for the latest Lassie alert. "OH No", he grabs his radio and alerts his commanding officer of the woman he has pulled over and asks for backup. "We may have a serial shaver on our hands here Sir."
Wait. What was this? Oh no. But, Doris had brought the cat poop to the person who was going to convert it to fuel. But now, she's gone back in time and it turns out it's only shavings from a dog? And now she's being arrested?! Oh dear. Why did she have that last tequila?
Oh, but what good tequila it was. Liquid Gold is what it was! She was trying to speak gently to the Occifer, but started (hic) to sway (up) horribly.
Dam that Tequila! "But Occifer Friendly, in my area, throwing cat litter into a car is a gesture of peace! The officer turned around and looked at her with a raised eyebrow and said......
You look a bit green. What is wrong with your stomach? It looks almost as if something is....HATCHING! OH MY GOD!!!! RUUUUUUUNNNNNN!!!!!!
In some animals, an egg (Latin ovum) is the zygote, resulting from fertilization of the ovum. It nourishes and protects the embryo. Oviparous animals are animals that lay eggs, with little or no other development within the mother. This is the reproductive way of many fish, amphibians and reptiles, all birds, the monotremes, and most insects and arachnids. Reptile eggs, bird eggs, and monotreme eggs are surrounded by a protective shell, either flexible or inflexible. The 1.5 kg ostrich egg contains the largest existing single cell currently known, though the extinct Aepyornis and some dinosaurs had larger eggs. The bee hummingbird produces the smallest known bird egg, which weighs half of a gram. The eggs laid by some reptiles and most fish are even smaller, and those of insects and other invertebrates are much smaller still. The study or collecting of eggs, in particular bird eggs, is called oology.

Usually after fertilization, the bird egg is laid by the female and is incubated for a time that varies according to the species; then a single young hatches from each egg. Average clutch sizes range from 1 (as in condors) to about 17 (the Grey Partridge). Some birds lay eggs even when not fertilized, and it is not uncommon for pet owners to find their lone bird nesting on a clutch of infertile eggs.

Different animals produce different colored eggs. The pigments protoporphyrin, biliverdin, and zinc chelate of biliverdin, are responsible for the diversity of egg color in birds. These pigments are secreted by cells in the oviduct wall, and can cause speckles if color is added right before the egg is laid. The eggs of modern reptiles are all white.
The markings of many birds' eggs may provide camouflage. Cavity-nesting birds such as woodpeckers and kingfishers do not need camouflaged eggs. Their eggs are often bright white, making it easy for the parent to find them. Eggs of almost all owl species are typically pure white.

However, a more recent study suggests that the markings on the eggs acutally act to reduce brittlness. Speckling of the eggs increases inversly to the amount of calcium available in the soil, and the protoporyhyrin pigment acts as a solid state lubricator. This allows a thinner shell to be made with less calcium, as the lubricator reduces the brittlness of the shell thus compensating for the thinner calcium crystal layer. In reallity, the speckles of eggs provide extremely poor camoflague, summed up affectionatly by an Oxford University professor who claimed "even a blind weasel could find them"!

In species such as the Common Guillemot, which nest in large groups, each female's eggs have very different markings, making it easier for females to identify their own egg.

Eggs are usually smooth, but there are exceptions. A cormorant's egg, for example, is quite rough and is very chalky. In contrast, tinamous have very shiny eggs, and ducks have oily and waterproof eggs. Another variation is the very heavily pitted eggs of cassowaries.

There are tiny pores in the shells of eggs to allow the unborn animal to breathe. The domestic hen's egg has around 7500 pores.

Most bird eggs have a characteristic oval shape, with one end rounded and the other more pointy. This shape results from the egg being forced through the oviduct. Muscles contract the oviduct behind the egg, pushing it forward. The egg's wall is still shapeable, and the pointy end develops at the back side. Highly conical eggs are often seen in cliff-nesting birds. They are less likely to roll off, tending instead to roll around in a tight circle, and thus are believed to have been selected for by evolution. In contrast many hole nesting birds have nearly spherical eggs.

There are numerous animals that feed on eggs. Principal predators of the Black Oystercatcher's eggs, for example, include raccoons, skunks, mink, river and sea otters, gulls, crows and foxes. The Stoat (Mustela erminea) and Long-tailed Weasel (M. frenata) steal ducks' eggs. The egg-eating snakes (genera Dasypeltis and Elachistodon) specialize in eating eggs.

The most common reproductive strategy for fish is known as oviparity, in which the female lays undeveloped eggs that are externally fertilized by a male. Typically large numbers of eggs are laid at one time (an adult female cod can produce 4–6 million eggs in one spawning) and the eggs are then left to develop without parental care. When the larvae hatch from the egg, they often carry the remains of the yolk in a yolk sac which continues to nourish the larvae for a few days as they learn how to swim. Once the yolk is consumed, there is a critical point after which they must learn how to hunt and feed or they will die.
A few fish, notably the rays and most sharks use ovoviviparity in which the eggs are fertilized and develop internally. However the larvae still grow inside the egg consuming the egg's yolk and without any direct nourishment from the mother. The mother then gives birth to relatively mature young.
More rarely, some fish such as the hammerhead shark and reef shark are viviparous, with the egg being fertilized and developed internally, but with the mother also providing direct nourishment.



So Doris replied, "must have taken a tremendous amount of talent to copy and paste like that! Not to mention your last brain cell." Doris rolled her eyes and poured herself another shot of Tequila. Before long, she was looking at that man across the bar from her and thinking.....
I bet that guy has a snake fetish. I bet he dreams about a snake coiling and recoing all over his body. Every Sunday, he probably goes to the zoo just to see snakes. And hides his erection under a newspaper so the children won't see.
Oh well, thought Doris, sex offender or not he does look the sort who would buy me a drink. She sauntered over to him, half-tripping, half-reeling, and plopped onto the stool beside him. "Hi," she said. "You like snakes don't you? Yeah. Well. I like tequila."
The man looked annoyed. "Who the hell are you?" he snapped. Doris did not like his tone of voice. It reminded her of her father who himself was visually-impaired and suffered lapses of memory. "Who the hell are you?" he would snap at Doris every morning at the breakfast table.
Doris now stood up, stared at the man squarely in the face and tried to look as assertive as possible. "I KNOW WHO I AM!" she declared, her voice shaking.
The man simply shrugged. "Yeah, good for you lady. Now scram. Can't you see I.." He did not have a chance to finish his sentence, for at the moment...
"well!" she screamed, "i already informed you, im a fucking transvestite!!" "no matter how much tequila you drink, i will never be pretty!!" she exclaimed
Regardless of my rant, he swaggered over to me with a glint in his eye. He put one hand tenderly under my chin to raise my eyes to his, and in a voice that caressed me to my soul, whispered, "but you're beautiful to me."
I felt my knees begin to become weak as his gaze held me intently. I suddenly was overcome with passion and.....
peed my pants!
Luckily she wore the waterproof pair that day. "Oops! You will have to excuse me," she said with her legs clinched tight. "I seem to have sprung a leak." She swished all the way to the loo.
Geeez. That tequila gets me everytime, she thought.
She looked at her watch. Damnit, late for work! I really should avoid getting wasted at the pub before starting my workday, she thought. On the way to her office she passed by the perfumery and sampled a few scents to cover up the obvious stench of cheap liquor that saturated her clothes. "And a few spritz in the mouth to sweeten my breath!" she replied happily to the clerk who had a rather shocked look on her face.
And then she passed out. While flat on the floor, the aliens come down to earth. They had been looking for her for ages. Finally, they had found her. They were so thrilled. They picked her up and returned her to the home planet where she ruled happily and benevolently for the rest of eternity.
Otherwise known as 20 seconds in Earth time.
So just think back to the time when it was twelve o'clock.
So just think back to the time when it was twelve o'clock.
So just think back to the time when it was twelve o'clock.
So just think back to the time when it was twelve o'clock.
jesus stopped and smiled,
so much for all those unbelievers that said he couldnt fuck the pope, eat sushi and play all instruments in a 128 piece orchestra all at once, all with his hands tied behind his back had conclusively been proven wrong
dionysus stretched his arms above his head and smirked while watching jesus perform this seemingly impossible task, hed always known that the ancient greek gods werent the only bisexual divinities
woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop, exclaimed doctor zoidberg at the site which awaited his tender eyes
Zoidberg wished his good friend fry were alive to see such a site, but sadly fry had passed away at the ripe o0ld age of 32 or was that 183
Zoidberg was finding it increasingly difficult to remeber such picky details and so he gave up trying
He returned his gaze to the remarkable, indescribable site before him
It was the good doctor decided a marvellous cacophany of sites and adventures waiting to occur (of course there was nothing good about the good doctor, ts just a figure of speech)
A noise shook the cowardly (or incredibly brave zoidberg, depending on how you looked at it) out of his comatose like state
A harsh caw sounded and zoidberg looked up shielding his eyes from the harsh glare of the sun with his single remaining claw
It looked like, no it couldnt be, theyd destroyed all of these horrible beasts in the last great war, where in fact zoidberg had lost his trusty right knipper
Dispite what zoidberg hoped the figure quickly wheeling closer was obviously that which he truly hoped it was not
The figure reached the doctor and spoke one word............................................................
"hello"
zoidberg stared at the figure and replied gruffly, "i thoight you was dead"
"well im not"







dun dun dun

"So let us partake in some cake!" said Figure 1.
Diagram 7 hesitated but eventually agreed.
consuela stopped and smiled, revealing the gaps 'twixt her teeth and the taco that lived there.
It was human size and the color of something less life-like.
Or simply put, it was more dead-like. It reeked. There were condors circling and the flies found it. In fact, it was dead.
Iced the top of the body scapeing off a thin layer of mold.
"Hands off! I ain't dead yet," snapped Grammy.
Die I say!! Die!! you're like a really, really, REALLY bad Buritto!!!
tandem
trouble
"You really stink. Try a stronger deodorant," she told the girl with the bulging fly-like eyes of green. "And a little hair conditioner will do wonders for that rat's nest on your head."
Yay! I'll be the smell of the ball!
They will love my presence, one and all. Yes I will be the toast of the town! The diamond in the crown!
The corpse in the heat! You are the shit beneath my feet!
Its your ass i wanna beat!
But it is all you can eat.
Emmy... eat world... YES! That is the secret to civilization... but don't forget your homeboy Sokrates! I like- ZOMG.
See that's what happens when you use a can of air freshener and breathe it in.
-What's what happens? I asked.

"Your mother makes love to a rabid walrus and fifteen months later you were born," said your father.
I have it all on tape: the shag, your birth...but for the color of the tusks you look just like it !

Too bad I forget where I put the tape...
." he said, yawning. "At least I won't have to condescend to wrap this package myself. Isn't that what we have the cleaning lady for?"
"Good God man! This isn't the Middle Ages, you know!" His brother lashed out at him. "The cleaning lady is only here to help Aunt keep this monstrosity of a house clean until one of us can move in permanently. You know that as well as I do."
Henry's pose was langorous. He leant back in his chair, and peered at his, as he thought, over-excited brother with slits of eyes that gleamed with no hint of apathy. They belied his next words: "Fancy a nap, brother?"
"Unlike you, brother, I am going out. Riding, in fact."
"Ahh, off to visit your lady-love? Count me out."
"Yes, go find someone smaller, weaker, and slower-moving than yourself to torture Justin. And no, I am NOT off to see my lady-love. Since when have I even HAD a lady-love?" Henry's eyes darkened. Who had told Justin about Frederica? Not even Henry himself had realized he was in love with her until that last night...at the ball...Henry drew himself upright, turned on his heel abruptly, and left the library. No use getting into an argument with that sorry excuse for a younger brother today. He simply had to see Frederica.
He had three eyes with which to see her but all of them had cataracts. So anyway Carol Brady came around and accused everyone of burning her knickers. The scent of burning polyester and unidentifiable fluids filled the air that summer afternoon at the Vatican.
fhfshfhsfh
she typed. Damn. That makes no sense. Again...it was that tequila!
ll
hi
Penises in every crevice
I love to eat penis every day while spanking dead monkeys. Then I touch you.
I touch you with my poetry devoted to disadvantaged lemurs and the Partridge family.
I love you with my heart devoted to you and only you for are my love me soul
was'n das'n hia?
I see you across the room
And i must say that you're extrememly attractive
And i also see that you're extremely quiet
But Tater can fix that with a little practice

The tactics that i use
will change your whole essence
Your face will light up
Whenever you feel my presence

I been looking for a girl
A girl just like you
don't talk too much
Just do as i do

That's why i feel this connection
That before now, i have never felt
So don't be surprised
when i make your heart melt

cause when i cater to you
you'll recieve the utmost devotion
all you gotta do is
tell me you feel the same emotions

So i'm asking you to be mine
and fulfill my most passionate of dreams
a vision of us sharing love
will you be my queen

Just ask your king
I'll appease you every desire
which will in turn
fuel my burning fire

The flames of love
That burn deeply in my heart
kindling the very spirit
that won't let us part

TATER LOVE BY TATER

I see you across the room
And i must say that you're extrememly attractive
And i also see that you're extremely quiet
But Tater can fix that with a little practice

The tactics that i use
will change your whole essence
Your face will light up
Whenever you feel my presence

I been looking for a girl
A girl just like you
don't talk too much
Just do as i do

That's why i feel this connection
That before now, i have never felt
So don't be surprised
when i make your heart melt

cause when i cater to you
you'll recieve the utmost devotion
all you gotta do is
tell me you feel the same emotions

So i'm asking you to be mine
and fulfill my most passionate of dreams
a vision of us sharing love
will you be my queen

Just ask your king
I'll appease you every desire
which will in turn
fuel my burning fire

The flames of love
That burn deeply in my heart
kindling the very spirit
that won't let us part
Then he shot himself in shame for coming up something as trite and contrived as that previous crap...
there once a little dog
That sat in the road
Eyes squinting in the breeze, his heart skipped a beat as he saw a dash of scarlet ribbon on the horizon. The girl had found him.
She bit his leg like a savage. The dog growled. They both ran down the lane and did not see the deep crevasse they just fell into.
That's another fine mess you've got me into, she said to the dog, as they clung for dear life to the strands of an eerie that fortunately broke their fall.
Fuck this is retartedly stupid,whoever wrote this should formally be exicuted in the manner that would be practiced by a mayjor crime boss!!
Fuck this is retartedly stupid,whoever wrote this should formally be exicuted in the manner that would be practiced by a mayjor crime boss!!
And the depraved rantings in the cell next door continued.
656655445851
wow the price of gasoline/petrol has skyrocketed!
Sang a mysterious, magical, melodious cow. "And how green the grass is!" a powerful baratone replied.
A castrato piped, "And blue is the sun!"
"Shaddup," snapped the alto. "Both of you's."
"I'm gonna kick your ass!"
"You haven't got the balls to do it!"

The soprano cried and wailed like a concrete mixer.
wahhH!
Cried the baby. "YOU SUCK MA BALLSACK! AH MUNNA EE CHOO!"
"Sorry, I was not hired to speak Swahili," replied the sitter.
Stan stood there agasht but secretly relieved. Sentence commuted.

He would enjoy playing dumb; the strong silent one now spent by overindulgence. "Lugha or ulimi —
what's the bloody difference," he either asked himself aloud or did he simply think it.

"What?, " Sandra asked him. "No, nothing...I just..no, " Stan mumbled his reply.

He was drifting now. His attentions were gathering themselves up, as they ought to be at his age, once
again on the Maji Musicmill.

He hadn't played it now going on twenty years and he wondered if his feet could still reach the pedals,
or if he had any reeds left for the Basoonika portions or even the breath and stamina required to play it
at all.

He had to know now. The sitter could wait. "Kwaheri!!"
Kwaheri stopped eating her Big Mac and answered with ketchup dripping off her chin. "Whatcha want honey sugar pie baby face??"
Poop
"I AM KEARSTEN AND I EAT POOP." She smiled.
"Good for you," said her Therapist. "Here, have a cow pie. I know -- your religion forbids you to have any cow products. But it's not really cow. It's buffalo! Buffalo turd, imagine that. So you can enjoy it without feeling the wrath of your gods!"

Mmmm mmmm good!
She had had yummier things before, but it definitely beat broccoli.
f
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lorence. efore the question could be answered, the subject of the conversation entered, with an air more of effrontery than of ease. e was a spruce, smart, dapper person, and received
--c43e5843171f4c259a601ac6d8bbff38--

.

student9824@pangloss.com
which9082@pangloss.com
Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary=36d2dde06f21bac367839052a08509de MIME-Version: 1.0 Subject: into bcc: bajfla1@aol.com This is a multi-part message in MIME format. --36d2dde06f21bac367839052a08509de Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit is wrath often became a sort of frenzy, in which he knew not what he did. he son was young and dissipated my mother a poor girl, but very handsome, have heard. e seduced her. he had become an unfortunate being, and that she herself felt. he olonel s son --36d2dde06f21bac367839052a08509de-- .
which what
gg
just then i realized that i had wondered into the forbidden garden. I looked through the fog, only to see a man-like image, starring down at me.
He was fat.
He was fat. His largeness over-came me as I was engulfed in first shadow, then literally tons and tons of living lard and hairy sweaty skin. Now I know some of you out there get titilated by such specific events, but may I remind you that there are also those among you that have slipped in the showere and fell head first in the commode all in the same five or ten seconds...
As I ponder on some inconspicuous route of escape (because I know this not-so-phantomous figure is hungry) I notice an old cheeseburger laying to the side of me, but just out of reach... I quickly summoned Chuck Norris (www.chucknorrisfacts.com) to my rescue, in hopes that he would beat some of the lard of this monumental fat body and in the process save my ... buttocks...
from... annihilation. But Chuck was just as obese and the resulting battle was not unlike two sumo wrestlers in heat.
Earthquake! screamed Hector.
i wanna live
so I put on a sequined gown and sashayed out the door and out into the street where I was struck by a three-year old girl on her Barbie tricycle. Nobody survived except the tricycle, who went on to do the talk show circuit.
When teh tricycle showed up on Dr. Phil's show, he told the tricycle it was time to let go of the trauma and pain and grow up. "Somewhere inside you," Dr. Phil said, "there is a Harley-Davidson that wants to roar down the highways of life. You don't need to be hit with a dead possum more than twice to see that!"
get tough!eat some rough meat. get a taste of blood.
Grandma was always giving advice like that to the preschoolers. I often wondered if her aggression was due to some prehistoric maternal instinct.
passed down through the generations,i hope i havent inherited it .
,i hope i havent inherited it .

But, alas, there it was right before my very eyes.
I didn't want to admitt it was there - after all we had tried so hard, so very hard to avoid this exact scenario.
Yet there it was, floating in the middle of the swimming pool ... chunks of dog poop.
they smelled like strange mixture of farmland and chlorine...i began to gag

they smelled like strange mixture of farmland and chlorine...i began to gag

and repeat myself
123
However his mangos were full of cheese, a potential problem
However his mangos were full of cheese, a potential problem
But his chimp bride was ever more resourceful and showed him how to make mango and cheese quesadillas in the microwave for those quick and easy meals.
And then the vampires came...
..and attacked the leader of the wiener patrol.
This infuriated the young master, who lifted the hem of his frayed garment to reveal a battery of gas-powered repeaters, loaded with sapphire bullets nestled in shell casings of cashmere wool braided with Kevlar strands. This was where he would make his stand.
then he died of a heart atack braught on by eating to many fatty foods
"Death... by... lard poisoning..." he gasped with his last bad breath as he clutched his glittery man-purse to his bosom.
I couldn't do anything, this time, I said a prayer
I watched as she lifted he hand off the shaft
the shaft immediatly exploded in a ball of fiery mayhem
"Damnit, not another hot flash. I am just having one of those days!" she exclaimed while putting out the little fires in her hair. Her prying neighbor from downstairs was out in the hall pounding on her apartment door. Uh-oh, she thought. He called the police. Now I have to get rid of this body before anyone sees it.
It's truly amazing how handy those tiny zip lock bags are when you really need them. And that turkey carving knife made the dismemberment fast and simple. Now to see if Tide with bleach will take the blood stains out of her favorite dish towels.
Though, really, the towels aren't all that essential. It would be nice if the sunlight stopped oozing through the curtains; listening to the drip of it sliding down the wallpaper is eating away at my nerves. Ah, cleaning the wallpaper is going to be more of a problem. Drat, looks like I'll have to redecorate.
It works well enough on those tedious grass stains that haunt her afternoons after her son comes home from soccer. And being the honorary mother-of-all-uniforms, she should know. Who assigned her that horendous task anyway? She was almost certain that the other mother's voted her in while she was busy cheering on the team.
It works well enough on those tedious grass stains that haunt her afternoons after her son comes home from soccer. And being the honorary mother-of-all-uniforms, she should know. Who assigned her that horendous task anyway? She was almost certain that the other mother's voted her in while she was busy cheering on the team.
Anyway, about this body. No, screw the body, the police are already here. What about my wallpaper? If I go to prision and I come back to this horrible reflection of my life before all this happened, chances are I won't be out for too long..
I wonder what Martha Stewart would do, that grand dame of all do-it-yourself felons? I imagined myself as Martha. Yes... yes, I would clean the wallpaper of course. Two parts turpentine, one part toothpaste. Brush well. I-I should clean the wallpaper before they throw me in the slammer, it would the right thing to do. It's a veritible "good thing".

Yes, clean the wallpaper. I would hate to have the detectives mill around the crime scene, refusing to dust for prints, simply because my wallpaper was in such shoddy, unfashionable condition. So what if it was in an off-green paisley pattern? Mother said it would look divine! Divine my ass! Now look at it in natural sunlight and tell me how divine it looks! That bitch! It was on clearance... damn them! Damn them all!
Suddenly, a green llama intruded on the divinity. "HOLY GOODNESS!" It cried as it rammed its head against the off-green pailey wall. "MY HOLY GRACIOUS...!" it wailed. "I never thought I would ever see a... a... yeah..."
Then for no aforementioned reason, it puked.
"You freakin' idiot!" she screamed. "Look what you did to my mary-fuckin'-jane shoes! They still had ten years of life to them!" She throttled the intruder and they wrestled to the floor.
Someone fired a pistol into the air. "Don't anybody move!"
The issue of immigration stirs intense emotions and in recent weeks, Americans have seen those emotions on display. On the streets of major cities, crowds have rallied in support of those in our country illegally. At our southern border, others have organized to stop illegal immigrants from coming in. Across the country, Americans are trying to reconcile these contrasting images.

And in Washington, the debate over immigration reform has reached a time of decision. Tonight, I will make it clear where I stand, and where I want to lead our country on this vital issue.

We must begin by recognizing the problems with our immigration system. For decades, the United States has not been in complete control of its borders. As a result, many who want to work in our economy have been able to sneak across our border and millions have stayed.

Once here, illegal immigrants live in the shadows of our society. Many use forged documents to get jobs, and that makes it difficult for employers to verify that the workers they hire are legal. Illegal immigration puts pressure on public schools and hospitals, strains state and local budgets, and brings crime to our communities. These are real problems, yet we must remember that the vast majority of illegal immigrants are decent people who work hard, support their families, practice their faith, and lead responsible lives. They are a part of American life but they are beyond the reach and protection of American law.

We are a nation of laws, and we must enforce our laws. We are also a nation of immigrants, and we must uphold that tradition, which has strengthened our country in so many ways. These are not contradictory goals. America can be a lawful society and a welcoming society at the same time. We will fix the problems created by illegal immigration, and we will deliver a system that is secure, orderly and fair. So I support comprehensive immigration reform that will accomplish five clear objectives.

First, the United States must secure its borders. This is a basic responsibility of a sovereign nation. It is also an urgent requirement of our national security. Our objective is straightforward: The border should be open to trade and lawful immigration and shut to illegal immigrants, as well as criminals, drug dealers and terrorists.

I was the governor of a state that has a 1,200-mile border with Mexico. So I know how difficult it is to enforce the border, and how important it is. Since I became president, we have increased funding for border security by 66 percent, and expanded the Border Patrol from about 9,000 to 12,000 agents. The men and women of our Border Patrol are doing a fine job in difficult circumstances, and over the past five years, we have apprehended and sent home about 6 million people entering America illegally.

Despite this progress, we do not yet have full control of the border, and I am determined to change that. Tonight I am calling on Congress to provide funding for dramatic improvements in manpower and technology at the border. By the end of 2008, we will increase the number of Border Patrol officers by an additional 6,000. When these new agents are deployed, we will have more than doubled the size of the Border Patrol during my presidency.

At the same time, we are launching the most technologically advanced border security initiative in American history. We will construct high-tech fences in urban corridors, and build new patrol roads and barriers in rural areas. We will employ motion sensors infrared cameras and unmanned aerial vehicles to prevent illegal crossings. America has the best technology in the world and we will ensure that the Border Patrol has the technology they need to do their job and secure our border.

Training thousands of new Border Patrol agents and bringing the most advanced technology to the border will take time. Yet the need to secure our border is urgent. So I am announcing several immediate steps to strengthen border enforcement during this period of transition:

One way to help during this transition is to use the National Guard. So in coordination with governors, up to 6,000 Guard members will be deployed to our southern border. The Border Patrol will remain in the lead. The Guard will assist the Border Patrol by operating surveillance systems analyzing intelligence installing fences and vehicle barriers building patrol roads and providing training. Guard units will not be involved in direct law enforcement activities that duty will be done by the Border Patrol. This initial commitment of Guard members would last for a period of one year. After that, the number of Guard forces will be reduced as new Border Patrol agents and new technologies come online. It is important for Americans to know that we have enough Guard forces to win the war on terror, respond to natural disasters, and help secure our border.

The United States is not going to militarize the southern border. Mexico is our neighbor, and our friend. We will continue to work cooperatively to improve security on both sides of the border, to confront common problems like drug trafficking and crime, and to reduce illegal immigration.

Another way to help during this period of transition is through state and local law enforcement in our border communities. So we will increase federal funding for state and local authorities assisting the Border Patrol on targeted enforcement missions. And we will give state and local authorities the specialized training they need to help federal officers apprehend and detain illegal immigrants. State and local law enforcement officials are an important resource and they are part of our strategy to secure our border communities.

The steps I have outlined will improve our ability to catch people entering our country illegally. At the same time, we must ensure that every illegal immigrant we catch crossing our southern border is returned home. More than 85 percent of the illegal immigrants we catch crossing the southern border are Mexicans, and most are sent back home within 24 hours. But when we catch illegal immigrants from other countries, it is not as easy to send them home. For many years, the government did not have enough space in our detention facilities to hold them while the legal process unfolded. So most were released back into our society and asked to return for a court date. When the date arrived, the vast majority did not show up. This practice, called "catch and release," is unacceptable and we will end it.

We are taking several important steps to meet this goal. We have expanded the number of beds in our detention facilities, and we will continue to add more. We have expedited the legal process to cut the average deportation time. And we are making it clear to foreign governments that they must accept back their citizens who violate our immigration laws. As a result of these actions, we have ended "catch and release" for illegal immigrants from some countries. And I will ask Congress for additional funding and legal authority, so we can end "catch and release" at the southern border once and for all. When people know that they will be caught and sent home if they enter our country illegally, they will be less likely to try to sneak in.

Second, to secure our border, we must create a temporary worker program. The reality is that there are many people on the other side of our border who will do anything to come to America to work and build a better life. They walk across miles of desert in the summer heat, or hide in the back of 18-wheelers to reach our country. This creates enormous pressure on our border that walls and patrols alone will not stop. To secure the border effectively, we must reduce the numbers of people trying to sneak across.

Therefore, I support a temporary worker program that would create a legal path for foreign workers to enter our country in an orderly way, for a limited period of time. This program would match willing foreign workers with willing American employers for jobs Americans are not doing. Every worker who applies for the program would be required to pass criminal background checks. And temporary workers must return to their home country at the conclusion of their stay.

A temporary worker program would meet the needs of our economy, and it would give honest immigrants a way to provide for their families while respecting the law. A temporary worker program would reduce the appeal of human smugglers and make it less likely that people would risk their lives to cross the border. It would ease the financial burden on state and local governments, by replacing illegal workers with lawful taxpayers. And above all, a temporary worker program would add to our security by making certain we know who is in our country and why they are here.

Third, we need to hold employers to account for the workers they hire. It is against the law to hire someone who is in this country illegally. Yet businesses often cannot verify the legal status of their employees, because of the widespread problem of document fraud. Therefore, comprehensive immigration reform must include a better system for verifying documents and work eligibility. A key part of that system should be a new identification card for every legal foreign worker. This card should use biometric technology, such as digital fingerprints, to make it tamper-proof. A tamper-proof card would help us enforce the law and leave employers with no excuse for violating it. And by making it harder for illegal immigrants to find work in our country, we would discourage people from crossing the border illegally in the first place.

Fourth, we must face the reality that millions of illegal immigrants are already here. They should not be given an automatic path to citizenship. This is amnesty, and I oppose it. Amnesty would be unfair to those who are here lawfully and it would invite further waves of illegal immigration.

Some in this country argue that the solution is to deport every illegal immigrant and that any proposal short of this amounts to amnesty. I disagree. It is neither wise nor realistic to round up millions of people, many with deep roots in the United States, and send them across the border. There is a rational middle ground between granting an automatic path to citizenship for every illegal immigrant, and a program of mass deportation. That middle ground recognizes that there are differences between an illegal immigrant who crossed the border recently and someone who has worked here for many years, and has a home, a family, and an otherwise clean record. I believe that illegal immigrants who have roots in our country and want to stay should have to pay a meaningful penalty for breaking the law to pay their taxes to learn English and to work in a job for a number of years. People who meet these conditions should be able to apply for citizenship but approval would not be automatic, and they will have to wait in line behind those who played by the rules and followed the law. What I have just described is not amnesty it is a way for those who have broken the law to pay their debt to society, and demonstrate the character that makes a good citizen.

Fifth, we must honor the great American tradition of the melting pot, which has made us one Nation out of many peoples. The success of our country depends upon helping newcomers assimilate into our society, and embrace our common identity as Americans. Americans are bound together by our shared ideals, an appreciation of our history, respect for the flag we fly, and an ability to speak and write the English language. English is also the key to unlocking the opportunity of America. English allows newcomers to go from picking crops to opening a grocery from cleaning offices to running offices from a life of low-paying jobs to a diploma, a career, and a home of their own. When immigrants assimilate and advance in our society, they realize their dreams, they renew our spirit and they add to the unity of America.

Tonight, I want to speak directly to members of the House and the Senate: An immigration reform bill needs to be comprehensive, because all elements of this problem must be addressed together or none of them will be solved at all. The House has passed an immigration bill. The Senate should act by the end of this month so we can work out the differences between the two bills, and Congress can pass a comprehensive bill for me to sign into law.

America needs to conduct this debate on immigration in a reasoned and respectful tone. Feelings run deep on this issue and as we work it out, all of us need to keep some things in mind. We cannot build a unified country by inciting people to anger, or playing on anyone's fears, or exploiting the issue of immigration for political gain. We must always remember that real lives will be affected by our debates and decisions, and that every human being has dignity and value no matter what their citizenship papers say.

I know many of you listening tonight have a parent or a grandparent who came here from another country with dreams of a better life. You know what freedom meant to them, and you know that America is a more hopeful country because of their hard work and sacrifice. As President, I have had the opportunity to meet people of many backgrounds, and hear what America means to them. On a visit to Bethesda Naval Hospital, Laura and I met a wounded Marine named Guadalupe Denogean. Master Gunnery Sergeant Denogean came to the United States from Mexico when he was a boy. He spent his summers picking crops with his family, and then he volunteered for the United States Marine Corps as soon as he was able. During the liberation of Iraq, Master Gunnery Sergeant Denogean was seriously injured. When asked if he had any requests, he made two a promotion for the corporal who helped rescue him and the chance to become an American citizen. And when this brave Marine raised his right hand, and swore an oath to become a citizen of the country he had defended for more than 26 years, I was honored to stand at his side.

We will always be proud to welcome people like Guadalupe Denogean as fellow Americans. Our new immigrants are just what they have always been people willing to risk everything for the dream of freedom. And America remains what she has always been the great hope on the horizon an open door to the future a blessed and promised land. We honor the heritage of all who come here, no matter where they are from, because we trust in our country's genius for making us all Americans, one nation under God. Thank you, and good night.

END
START

Good morning, my name is Herve Villanuevo and I am your next President and Bush licker. OOps, I meant Bush Lover! Uhh.. yeah.
You freakin' idiot!" she screamed.
Americans have seen those emotions on display... at the window of their nearest Bloomingdale's department store! Where stars and stripes are forever... forever stylish and chic! Paris is burning and Milan is screaming, "Silencio! Your fashion shames me!" Work it, work it, work it!
Is it time to give up on what you gave me
everybody watched me lose all I had
It wasn't much but it was mine
And when I died I willed it to the Museum of Significant Freaks in History.
It was then that I realised the world was over once again.
So I had some toast with kumquat jam to celebrate.
and some raspberry preserves
and some small cakes. i drank coffee and puked
"That was the best damned purging I ever had!" I told the mail carrier when she delivered my monthly parcels of 'medicinal' cannibis.

She nodded and replied, "Sorry, half of your delivery is missing," with a glossy look in her eye. "I, um, ran into a pack of dogs and they tore into it. The downside to this job, you understand." She fumbled out the door and back into her little mail truck. After watching her back out into the street and veer into the side of a busload of tourists, resulting in a spectacular fireball, I immediately went back to my breakfast and reading headlines in the morning Times.
And as I read the morning Times I read something rather fascinating. It was my daughter up for auction at the local auction house. I always fancied some of my own genes. And there she was in standing before an audience. Oi! What's this? My wife is there too. What a splendid affair.
And as I read the morning Times I read something rather fascinating. It was my daughter up for auction at the local auction house. I always fancied some of my own genes. And there she was in standing before an audience. Oi! What's this? My wife is there too. What a splendid affair.
And as I read the morning Times I read something rather fascinating. It was my daughter up for auction at the local auction house. I always fancied some of my own genes. And there she was in standing before an audience. Oi! What's this? My wife is there too. What a splendid affair.
But back to the business at hand. The maid got her hands stuck in the garbage disposal again. Quite a messy affair but rather tasty raw. The look of her eyes as I eat her sloppy, wet meat is contagious for the look soon conquers my demeanor as well. And there we are, like animals, staring at each others eyes. Her flesh, her meat, so cold, so tender, so chewy. Her taste salty like the ocean air on a fine spring dusk. Her tongue lapping up the drool around her chin.
This is why it's so difficult trying to live as a reformed cannibal. There's temptation at every turn. Accidents happen, and if you're there it can make the hunger grow while everyone else is tossing their cookies. Which, of course, just means more for you!
This is why it's so difficult trying to live as a reformed cannibal. There's temptation at every turn. Accidents happen, and if you're there it can make the hunger grow while everyone else is tossing their cookies. Which, of course, just means more for you!
star
studded night
It was surely a gala to remember for years to come if only I had taken my pills to treat my Alzheimer's. And I would have too, had I remembered where I put the bottle. I tried asking that stranger in the bathroom mirror but he doesn't seem to know either.
nomad
Yes happy?
Well, not really. I don't remember the last time I was truly happy. I've been amused, even laughed and giggled like a maniac. But there's a big difference between finding something funny and actually being happy.

Happiness stays with you. Nothing ever stays with me. That's been the way it is for a long time. It's one of the bad side effects of being immortal. Nothing is permanent in your life.

Happy? No.
"Who the hell asked you?? I was asking the chicken! Stupid biotch..." he muttered.
That was something that really got on his nerves! How hard could it really be for someone to notice he was talking to the chicken and not them? People acted like they had never seen a grown man talking to a chicken before!
The chicken clucked with a sympathetic understanding of his plight.
That's the good thing about chickens... they're so sensitive to your feelings. Most people don't realize that. But he did. He had known great chickens over the years, and had been close to many of them. Out of all the friends he had, this chicken was the dearest of them.
Unfortunately for the chicken, this closeness, this metaphysical karma-like attachment he had with poultry only happened when he ate them. Yes, ate them.

It truly was disgusting. He knew it was. That he could love so deeply and yet destroy so completely. This madness would have to end soon. Who would stop him?
Unfortunately for the chicken, this closeness, this metaphysical karma-like attachment he had with poultry only happened when he ate them. Yes, ate them.

It truly was disgusting. He knew it was. That he could love so deeply and yet destroy so completely. This madness would have to end soon. Who would stop him?
He glanced over the chicken carcass and burst into fits of laughter. Ha bloody Ha!
Try to cross the road now you hen-bitch. Doris flew into the room screaming "My last chicken?! You ass. What am I supposed to serve for dinner? I'll have to drown the kittens now!" the door slammed behind her as she stomped off doen the hallway of the attractive yet inexpensive townhouse. Who'd have thought that just 2 weeks ago they were both unemployed porn stars with not a penny to their names?

It's times like these that make you appreciate the smell of napalm in the morning.

but we could hardly afford napalm what with the price of gas nowadays...
it's leaving our wallets empty, we're all poor and we don't know what to d
-- he hesistated, for he knew that if he continued with yet another letter he would have to pay. And pay dearly!
But the toll taker at the toll booth was a troll in disguise.
Which was really something they should have expected. After all, trolls had a long history of this sort of thing. Long ago, bridges were built and trolls lived under them. One had to appease the troll to cross the bridge. So when toll booths came along, trolls were a natural choice for toll takers. In fact, it was just easier to assume a toll taker was a troll. If they weren't one by birth, the job would eventually give them the same attitude as one.
hi hi hi
i like cheese
ever since I started liking sniffing dirty gym socks. Coincidence perhaps?
I think not. Perhaps it stems from my love of eating dog food?
Dry kibble is my favorite. After a day in the office and sniffing asses on the way home, I would pour myself a nice big bowl of kibble and dine with a glass of chardonnay.
That's just what sophisticated dogs do. Poodles try to be sophisticated, but they aren't fooling anyone. Sophistication comes from making peace with your inner puppy and finding your path through the alleyways of life... not getting a human to give you a Lion cut.
"Gee Wally," replied the Beaver, "Gus the fireman gave me the same advice yesterday. Golly, he sure pissed me off Wally. Really he did. You don't suppose he minded it much when I took his fireaxe and gave him a few whacks with it, do you Wally? Mother likes you better doesn't she Wally. Gee, I sure hate you Wally. I think I'll show you what I did to old Gus now. Ok Wally?"
"O.K. BUT REMEMBER WHEN YOU RAISE THAT FIREAXE I'LL TAKE IT AWAY FROM YOU AND
GIVE YOU THE BEATING OF YOUR LIFE. I MIGHT EVEN MAKE YOU EAT IT OR TRY. WHEN
YOU TURNED IN THAT FALSE FIRE ALARM WHAT DID YOU EXPECT? DID YOU THINK THE
FIRE DEPARTMENT WOULD GIVE YOU A PARTY TO CELEBRATE THE DIRTY DEED? WELL, I'VE
GOT NEWS FOR YOU. THIS IS BIG! YOU MAY EVEN HAVE TO SPEND SOME TIME IN JAIL.
MOM AND DAD CAN'T GET YOU OUT OF THIS MESS SO BACK YOU EARS AND TAKE YOUR PUMISHMENT LIKE A MAN. I'LL BE THERE TO HELP WITH THE HANDCUFFS".
"But I'm a WOMAN!" she exclaimed, and pounded him to submission with her reinforced titanium missile-heads.
to the bathroom
Wilt thou love a foolish mortal? He thinks to himself.“Die!”, Damien yelled, ramming his fist into the gut of his enemy, “Die!” As his adrenaline ebbed, he continued to punch, volley after volley, in the same general location. His target just absorbed the blows, not whining even in the slightest. Darkness encompassed Damien’s vision, he continued to fume. Anger, anger flowed through his mind, just wanting to blow something to pieces.
It just wasn't satisfying to take out his frustrations on a pillow. Not even if the pillow had been cheating on him. Besides, one just couldn't count on a pillow to be faithful. He knew he'd have been better off with a good mattress, but it was the pillow that he loved.
Such was the twisted fate of this man-child.
Or was it child-man. He honestly couldn't remember the exact title he now preferred. This was only the case since "The Incident", as he liked to call it. If he could only remember just where he had stashed his accordian........
He had left it in the closet, along with his keys and son. He took the keys too...
and a wrench. But of course he could not do without his trusted stapler and matching rolodex, even if he had no friends to index within it. And he decided to take his toilet plunger, a half-eaten box of water crackers, some samples of maxi pads he found in the mail, a discarded kitchen sink, a bag of marbles, and a couple of 70" plasma television sets which were all sitting in the same bathroom closet.
the bathroom was a conventional blue, however the magic of the mary poppins bag style cupboard was far from ordinary. after searching he decided to go to macdonalds coz they had an offer on. he always liked a good deal hence the bathroom cupboard. buy one and neednt buy any more coz all your stuff fits in there. minimalism was a must.
It was the only thing that could hold his ego.
At this point, I think it would be appropriate to mention that Tupperware containers are very good for holding egos, as well. The lid snaps on tight. This means your ego doesn't leak out and nothing else gets in. Keeps your ego fresh, and it's even microwave safe!
And, yes ladies, it makes that delicious farting sound when you secure the lid to let you know that it truly is airtight! Take it from the airhead in the mirror, you really need to buy this product!
This product really will instantly make you one gassy mother flipper.
"I'll take a dozen! No, make that TWO dozen. I want to be so flatulent I levitate off the ground."
But not stinky.
"You get what you pay for lady," snapped the guy in the drive-through window as he dropped his pants.
'Did you pay for what you got though' mused the lady in silver shoes
I realized I was the one she was asking and kind of looked away as I answered. "Not exactly..." I said. "It was... well, let's call it a trade."

"What was the trade?" she asked.

"I get to live in the apartment and keep the old furniture. Plus, he buys my clothes... any clothes I want." I was putting off telling her what my end of the bargain was, but I knew she would ask.

"And what does he get out of it?"

There it was. I had to think of some way to tell her now.
"I get to kill you with this electric chainsaw," was the answer. VROOOMGRRRRRZZZZZSCREEECHHHH.. SPLAATTTTT. Well let us just say her silver shoes were never the same again.
I hit the sand and crawled toward the vascilating object
As i neared it, it seemed to go even further away. And then suddenly...
it jumped out and grabbed me! then it burped in my face! it was my stupid brother, what a wierdo???
he doesent even know what i go thru to be this damn gorgeous... does he even realize??? and what was with that wierd chainsaw noise he was making, could he be any more of a loser??? wait, stupid question, he just took my hat and threw it in the BIN, agrr what a loser!
Wait, he's throwing me in the BIN, I'm a loser!
ddjdf
I knew "ddjdf" must mean something... but what? And how would I find out? It could be almost anything! The letters could stand for something. Or it could be a letter substitution code. I was fairly certain it wasn't an anagram, as there were no vowels. I took out a pad of paper, scribbled "DDJDF" on the top sheet, and figured I'd get to work deciphering it later.
A week later, I was walking home from school, when I came upon an Ice-Cream truck, inexplicably parked
in the middle of the road. It was ghostly, other cars driving straight through it- and DDJDF was written
plainly on the side.
In blood and urine.
Not that it was her favorite combination. And besides, she never could decide which wine went best with urine. Or which urine went best with a specific wine. It was just too much to think about. Why couldn't they just have fish instead?
So she just decided to pick any wine at random and hope for the best that it would taste delicious with urine. She picked a nice austrailian dry white wine which went wonderfully with the urine. She thought to herself this must be my lucky day!
She opened the wine, took a long, full drink, and spit it on the ground. Looking at General Washington, she snarled, "It may be my lucky day, General, but not yours! For I will take this urine and turn it over to the proper authorities!" And with that, she disappeared into the gathering gloom.

Washington, unpreturbed, continued with the planned crossing of the Delaware, scheduled for later that evening.
The Delaware was not only cross, it was angry as hell. "I HATE YOU! Ooooh.. I HATE YOU TO PIECES!" it shrieked as it threw buckets of water at the soldiers.
While the soldiers didn't like having such things yelled at them, they really didn't mind the buckets of water. After all, they'd been in the jungle for months. That tends to make a fellow stink. And there were thirty-eight of these stinking fellows.
None of them had clean underwear and shirts.
But it was still an acceptable orgy
but not quite acceptable
It was getting out of hand! There used to be such a thing as "quality", but people kept passing off products now that did not qualify for "acceptable" status, much less could be considered a quality product.
After all, who's idea was it to substitute apples for oranges and Paris Hilton for a reggae singer?
Honestly, he could handle the apples. They weren't green, which were really the ones he liked, but they would do. Paris Hilton was the problem. One never knew what she would say or do, but she would expect everyone to applaud her when she said or did it. And this being a convention for people with no hands, applause would be hard to come by.
luckily we had a giant fish in a bearsuit to clap for us
luckily we had a giant fish in a bearsuit to clap for us
though he snickered as he did
and he had that odd tendency to hump people's legs as he quoted Shakespeare. But nevertheless Grandpa was such a lively character.
he can even jump ropes and swing like a monkey despite a broken pelvis
He determined early on in life that the world did not revolve around an intact pelvis. He could carry on with merely a thumb or a coccyx.
So he bought a bike and road home happily.

the end
but then .... he got shot and died. so i guess the stories over.
no its not
yea it is
ummm ... no?
YES !@#$%^&*(
fuckyou
said the dead moose to the dead otter, who had insulted his honor while they traveled the path to purgatory...
Then they realized they were both Buddhists and did not believe in purgatory, so they turned around and went home to bake... guess what... cookies!!!
But just not any cookies, they were devil's food cookies!
Tight
Those pants just exploded
and out came the aliens from her anus!!! HA
They laughed at her stupid little monkey face. Then they spoke: don't drink or else we will have to destroy mars.
Heranus being the 10th planet of the solar system in that nebulous galaxy we know as "The Gassy Buttes".
Sadly, it was destroyed in 1903
Sadly, it was destroyed in 1903
It was then rebuilt with bricks and motar.
It was built by Ms. Nancy's class of second graders and pyromaniacs.
The project looked like a scorched zucchini and emitted a smell more foul than rotting animals.
After the planet was rebuilt, a team of poplulation fantasizing scientists planted 3 families on the barren landscape. They lived in ecstatsy and had orgasm after orgasm from the smell. It was simply delightful to them.
After the planet was rebuilt, a team of poplulation fantasizing scientists planted 3 families on the barren landscape. They lived in ecstatsy and had orgasm after orgasm from the smell. It was simply delightful to them.
After the planet was rebuilt, a team of poplulation fantasizing scientists planted 3 families on the barren landscape. They lived in ecstatsy and had orgasm after orgasm from the smell. It was simply delightful to them.
After the third try, everyone started developing a severe allergy to one another's body odor due to the inbreeding. Three-quarters of the population died. The remaining quarter erected discount convenience stores and brothels in memory of the fallen.
Standing near the edge of tomorrow, Horseshoe Hannah reflects on the recent trials and tribulations she has witnessed. She heard a bell ring out as the parade passed her by.
She suddenly jumped up and ran outside and straight into the path of an oncomming parade horse. She
stood her ground, waiting to die...
She opened her eyes.
There stood Oprah in all her glory.
She was eating a cheeseburger, it was love at first sight
She was eating a cheeseburger, it was love at first sight
She was eating a cheeseburger, it was love at first sight
The cheeseburger avoided her amorous advances and slapped her forcefully with a pickle. Oprah cried in dismay, bursting several seams in the process, and she fled to her friend Phil for the comforting words of bad advice he was known for.
the seesebutger sux ass, and the pickle wants to fuck her hard

I had to come up with that tripe because I am 55, still a virgin, and the only sex life I know involves a yellowed tube sock.
I call the sock "hilda". Hilda always wants to breed.
But only with the white with a blue and red striped sport, but neverless, it couldnt last, the sport sock went to be a NFL's favorite sock, and he was to much of a big shot now to keep in touch, so Hilda just rapes my feet to ful-fill her lustfull needs.
My life changed forever the day she gave me plantar warts and athlete's feet.
Yes, I could run like the wind, but the vines from the warts planted me firmly in the ground.
In frustration I ate an orange seasoned with salt and coarse ground pepper and stuck my head in a giant ant hill.
Immedietly, the giant ants poured out of the hill and started chanting. "Let my people go! Let my people go!" again and again and again and again and again and finally I was like, "SHUT UP YOU LOSERS!" and then they bit me on the earlobe. I squealed with... pain. Or did I... *suddenly, the world around you swivvvvvlz and POPS!* "PAIN! PAIN!" I shouted as the ants invaded my nostrils... wow. "ZOUK et MAZOUK!" I screeeeeched. "No--- YOU let MY people go!!!" I noticed that the ants didn't look too pleased... They began grumbling, "Well, let your MOM's people go." And I said, "Let your mom's face's people go," and it just went downhill from there.
At that moment, an army of Blackforest ham appeared at the horizon.
Proudly raising the German flag upon the field of battle, the Blackforest horde descended upon the colony of giant ants who were helpless to defend themselves from the porcine invaders. One by one the ants were rended to nothing more than a puddle of goo by the relentless pummeling of the hams who cried "We shall let your people go, to hell that is!!.” The nightmarish slaughter continued for a fortnight until not one ant was anywhere in sight and the hams were everywhere smug and content with their smokey selves.
Some slept, some mated, some snurfled through the carnage, but each small self-centered swine cerebrum sought its solitary satisfaction within the swarming horde of Hunny hams.
A young lass by the name of Virginia sang "Auf Wiedersehen mein Schwein" to the teary eyed troops. Ironically she was chosen to be the Easter sacrifice and was coated in sweet honey before being shipped off in a tin for slaughter.
Virginia, who was not German... didn't know the words to the song and so she made up her own song and got rave reviews. The people loved her so much they changed their minda and didn't sacrifice her and ship her off, but, gave her lots of money and put her on a cruise ship back to the states.
She ended up in the South where, at the time, cannibalism was as legal as marrying your dog. Virginia Hamm eventually went down in history as the greatest thing that happened to the South since mooshine and the freedom to marry your first cousin.
Of course as with the day it was now wrong for such things to occur within society, and thusm without a word more, he died.
A painful death o lantern.
snuffed without a trace
And then, as if by magic..
A ray of light peered through the clouds and a mysterious creature appeared in front of his body.
He then ran away and got himself some ice cream.
He then ran away and got himself some ice cream.
Then he ran to the toilet and let out a wet one.
Shame on him to do such a thing and especially during THAT!
so, you know what i did?

i threw his records out the window.
They were 45s of the more stupendous visionaries from the 1970s, including Rick Dees and his cast of Idiots, Peaches and Herb, and the Starlight Vocal Band. He would dearly miss them, but as they say in the Robert Taylor housing project of Chicago, "That's life suckah!"
jghyjgj
He first saw her in church and that was always as he thought of her awfterwards, and it couldn't be helped. He would have much rather seen her with her legs around his hips.
Or was that HIS hips around HER legs? Or was it HER grandmother's ingrown TOENAIL? He could not remember. He drew diagrams on the Etch-A-Sketch but left it at home near the toaster. Now he had to get up, disturb the preacher, and walk out the door. He would make a scene by doing so, but he was not the scenic type at all. Beads of sweat gathered around his brow. He fidgeted. Then, he broke wind rather loudly. Quietly, ever so quietly, he stood up.
Never in his life had he asked so many questions of himself or heard his back make that noise upon standing up. "Wisdom, kid. That's all I have to chew on" he groaned as he ran his fingers-tips up his sensitive spine. His last two thoughts, which seemed to be coordinated but were rather complimentary, before passing out were: "Just what in the hell is THIS bone doing HERE," and "Now who in the hell broke my back?"
The pain was dull and strangley calming but the steel capped toe pressing against his leg was a sudden reminder of the danger
All he could think of was getting away. But how? He remembered the pen knife Phil had given him before he left the campsite. He slowly reached around for it in his back pocket. In one swift move he thrashed out and slashed his captor in the eye. As the steel-capped toed monster drew back in agony, Roger sprank to his feet. He stumbled, but managed to move forward, faster and faster, propelling himself out of the cave. As he reached the exit, his eyes stung from the sunlight. Behind him he heard the nashing, clawing sound of the monster, raging toward him, howling and grasping at him. But he was free now, he knew the bright, searing sunlight would repel the monster and drive him back into the cave. Back to where he would wait for the next unsuspecting hiker to seek the cool shelter of the rocks.
Little did he know, that right about that time, rounding the corner was none other than
the thing from his dream last night. I say 'thing' becuase he did not actually know if it was male or female, could not tell. Maybe it was both. Neither. Or cleverly disguised. Who could tell? Come to think of it, he wasn't exactly sure it was human either, although in his dream it had assured him that yes it was human, but we all know one cannot trust strange things that appear in your life whose gender cannot even be ascertained.
"Ah, it is you. I knew I would find you here," it whistled.
He tried to pretend he had not seen it and ust casually walk in the other direction, but it was too late. It had already given him the chinese burn combined with the word "oh ladt of my heart, wherefor art thou a frog?" that it seemed was its form of greeting. He attepmted to present a cool and calm facade as he spluttered out a response that was something along the lines of:
"You're the frog here. I mean, who? I mean one time when i was young I *mumble mumble mumble* I mean what do you think you're doing sir, ah, madam...?"
It laughed like a three thousand year old Buddastic sculpture and slapped its thigh like some yokel and while it was doing this he tried to run away. That was, until...
sss
he sat up, awake from the apparent dream, and hissing like a snake! "What gives?" he pondered. He had better lay off binging on cold pizza at 3 AM while watching X-rated Sanrio videotapes he pirated from the internet, else he would have more nightmares like this again.
The macadam, slung low outside his view, remained intact still, a sign the infection had not yet reached his enclade.
He reached for his thesaurus again and before he could look up an appropriate entry for "attack with force and successfully", the beast snapped its jaws through his midsection. The "ouch" sensation failed to register as his spinal cord was severed in quite a few places.
no tits

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Help me!" he cried.
For the beast had caught his leg. Jill turned around and ran back towards him but as she stepped on the bridge it crumbled beneath her. She managed to step back in time but Jack was stuck on the other side, slowly being dragged into the monsters great mouth. Suddenly Jill heard a noise behind her. She turned to see a huge
For the beast had caught his leg. Jill turned around and ran back towards him but as she stepped on the bridge it crumbled beneath her. She managed to step back in time but Jack was stuck on the other side, slowly being dragged into the monsters great mouth. Suddenly Jill heard a noise behind her. She turned to see a huge
silhouette outlined against the sky.
silhouette outlined against the sky.
It was her big-boned mother. "Jill! Jill darlin'! Come home for supper right NOW 'fore I whup yo' sorry bee-hinny!"
"Don't be an idiotic fool." Jill replied. "I have no need for such trifling matters. Now leave me be."
So that was the day Jill got her ass whupped by her equally fat-assed mother. That same year on the other side of the planet, there came a surprising discovery.
A toilet had been flushed quite loudly.
I rushed to the bathroom only to find myself face to face with that person.
We stood there staring blanky at each other. He tried to touch me, to say he was sorry, but I backed away.
It was not long ago when he did that to me. I could never forget. I should have called the childline, but I was too afraid. He texted me continously for almost seven weeks. Telling me how he will rape me and kill me. I have never come to him face to face before, and here I am, standing opposite a rapist, a murderer, in the bathroom of my school! I had after school lessons, only i attended that, and all the teachers left already, to watch the World Cup, they told me to just shut the door when I'm done and it will lock itself.
He strted to unzip his trousers. I started screaming if anyone would hear me. I tried looking for somerthing to hit him with, but it was too late. He tore my dress of me and he was going for the knickers. As he ripped them off without thinking he inserted his big sausage into me. I felt as thoug i had a billion ants in me. As though someone was trying to shove a huge snake into me. It hurt. It hurt so much i was screaming at the top of my lungs. He was inserting his penis in and out in a vigorous rush. I dint have time to breathe. blood was rushing in me, into me, all over me. he did not use a condom
but due to the darkness in the room I never told him I was on my period. The flow was vast and all the while he assumed it was regular vaginal juice. He was quite pleased considering his actual girlfriend has to be prelubricated before intercourse. After the ol "in out" he skeeted on my face and belly. He went to turn on the light switch and realized that his underwear and t-shirt had been stained with my period fluid. I wasn't embarrassed though, I managed to help him polish off his month's supply of ketamine in one evening, but that's just how us boppers roll.
Then, gosh be darnit, I realized the fumes from the toilet cleanser I was using had psychohallucinogenic properties and made me delirious with these visions from some low budget friday night movie that would aire at 3 AM in the morning and that only hopeless insomniacs and pathetic dateless dweebs would watch.

Fortunately I used gloves to protect my silken hands.
then it fell of. I sed, YOOOO! JAM LES JUMP DIS PLACE and sang.. me some a mann get no pum pum tonight... but not me! Cause each and every nite I must get some punun nu nan nu nany! Drunk in the dance not tri la li la li la lee, take a gyal on the beach and create a tsunan nu nan nu nani, my room is where I made Elizabeth!
Yo, wanna her more yall? OK
space was cool (laughin)
i have a very evil plan, now see. man to man? no! thats not somethin to do to another dude.
its kinda creepy. ready mini me (mm hmm)

my name iz doctor evil, i'm tryin to find a reason.
why should a next man lye, with a guy whose name iz stephen?
i love pum pum, fat cu cum cum, black brown square or round.
i will never like trevor, i preffer wifing a heffer.
i bought dis A.K to spray on all gays..
including outrage whose fightin all are dj's
gun shots for all u fagits, i really hate u magits
all i really need iz, more pum pum for dis penis.
j.a dont like gay no, j.a dont like gay no
j.a dont like gay no, j.a dont like gay no
j.a dont like gay no, j.a dont like gay no
j.a dont like gay no,
pum pum! yes iz da best ting. next to da breast, da chesting
we nuh investin, (so oh so man, me nah tight ah di wrestling)
in peaces we'll leave dem resting,
(ring, hello testing)
ur in to child molesting, gun shots will tear ur intestine.
gay life we show no intrest in.
j.a dont like gay no, j.a dont like gay no
j.a dont like gay no, j.a dont like gay no
j.a dont like gay no, j.a dont like gay no
j.a dont like gay no
This is really weird, yo.
he says " sono troppo piccolo per toccarti i capelli, mi sto rimpicciolendooooooooooooooooooooo"
She replied, "Nah, I just wanna some tortellini you maiale repulsione. Capiche?"
Capoosh.
and the bong made a woosh as the ash went down
as my hand went up her nightgown
she had not a frown
she had not a frown
let have another round and we will pass the bong around
It was not a bong, but a dong. A big rubber dong. We called it Maisy.
Maisy was smelly.
She had a musk that was reminiscent of my summer days working on garbage barges. I knew I loved her from the very start.
Her eyes were as blue as the summer sky
but we were not to be together in the end
She took the battery acid and shouted "Why thou globe of sinful continents, what a life dost thou lead!" She then sallowed the acid and perished...
her electrones glimmering
in the darkness so fullfilling
me I was watching
the cloud of lights vanishing away...
... then I was so tired I had a beefeater and called it a knight.
Blacker than Uncle Monty McNigro
Yet he was considered an albino among his people.
Only his cousin, Tom, knew the truth. He only went out at night and spent all his time with shady characters from the other side of his village. Rumors said that he used to hide under his cousin's porch until he came home, and then eavesdrop as he filled the pages of his trusty diary. I know that sounds strange. You may wonder how one would eavesdrop on someone's writing session, but it's true. You see, our friend here has to speak out loud when he writes in his diary. It helps him feel like he's getting something off his chest. Like a confession of sorts. There were many secrets that Tom carried with him.
For example, one secret was how Tom, who was a stout solid man of 528 lbs., could hide underneath a porch with a crawl space that was barely large enough for a shrew. Or Tom's secret love affair with his neighbor's latex hip boots. He was certainly a man of mystery.
Unfortunately, Thomas was a man of many words and little action.
But suddenly, off in the distance, Thomas saw another engine. Who was it? It was....Percy! Percy whistled hello, but it was not a happy hello. Percy had caused some trouble on the branch line. He had caused a freight car filled with jam to overturn! There was jam everywhere! Sir Topham Hatt was not please. 'Percy', he said...
your a m0ther funking b1nt and i wish you the worst luck in the world" with an awfully mighty voice. The all of a sudden Rasta Man John walked round the corner with the biggest reefa in his hand Sir Topham Hatt had ever seen, he grab the joint and started to puff...
"I think I can't, I think I cun't," he thought to himself. His mind derailed.
"cunt. mmmmmmm i love pusyy" he thought
just then he saw another train....this one had a phat caboose and all thomas could think about was hitting that sh1t....so he huffed over to her and asked"hey baby to you want a hit of this sh1t its the fucking bomb bitch, hit this sh1t. she knew thomas was pimpin and there wasnt much she could do about the straight mack of thomas
yo hoe get that caboose over here and let me stick my hookup in her rear entry device

candy
That little Janus-faced schemer...
yep
It was all going according to plan, and it work this time.
But all of a sudden, Satan came out of the ground and scared away all the children.
and then they all went to the grocery store where there was a dog and them they walked the dag and then the dog ate them!
"Yummy i love going to the grocery store," said
eriku the consumer.
Eriku the consumer was a man of mutch wit and grammor. E cud spil fer inglund tht won!
and spell for england he did, like the football team, he was knocked out quickly
with a big stiffy
Man chew, and chew thee well. For thou is thine last supper. Break it down.
So he chewed and he chewed well, and yet his gut remained empty and his heart grow dim
IF only he could bring himself to swallow the squallid mush in his mouth.
One second. Two seconds. Three. Breathing became more difficult as the smell began to filter through his nose. Ten seconds.

"C'mon, just do it!" he demanded to himself.

"Habib! What's shakin', chief?" Colonel Mustard querried as he slapped Habib across the back, nearly taking the wind out of his lungs.

"Glurble, huuuh," he coughed.

"You rat-bastard, Mustard. I oughta take you out right here."

But secretly Habib was thrilled. He had finally done it! He swallowed the formula. Who knows what would happen while he slept tonight...?
The doors fell off their hinges, all the windows blew out and the roof shook as the mighty wind in his gut bellowed forth with vengeance from behind him. He later found that it made a hole clear through the middle of his bed.
Sliding through, he entered a world heretofore unknown to the likes of he..a world of peckerills and poopnuts, peacorns and pashas. A mighty wonder awaited him, the details of which cannot be described by man.
They got a big black drag queen named LaTeesha to do the job. She accepted cash, mastercard, visa, amex, and bulk peanuts for pay.
she used to be a whore now she can sing like a giant wind weezing toad
she ha d the right credentials but alas her ass was to big to fit in the door
So with distraught acknowledgement, she avowed a diet was the only cure.
I saw the man who was waiting for Cleopatra... But as a matter of fact, I didn't know at all who he was. That's why I came to him and asked: "Excuse me sir, do you know a good theatre in this poor city?"
"O!", he answered, "I'm happy you ask me: I just wanted somebody to go with me in order to see a great Opera in fourteen acts!"
I was astonished.
he said no
love you ray
"Hail, Gaspar! He's a lascar!"
'Viva las vegas!' was the last statement I heard before I felt the blow of the cold iron object upon the back of my head.
When I woke up, I saw Japanese Prime Minister Jonichiro Koizumi, dressed as Elvis, standing over me.
With a look of vengeance for some crime unbeknownst to me on his face, he drew up his fist heavily above his head, past his clenched teeth and past his fiery Japanese eyes.
Wondering if his father was still alive, he looked pasted the sirens and peered through the rain as the night grew colder.
He cant control all those black vision he sees,it's dark..it's cold.and his father is probably dying by now
Heads Up
the inside, and you wonder what it was that you had been doing the previous night.
The inside of the bottle felt cold and moistened only by the last few glistening droplets of the makeshift cocktail you had concucted during your weekly "Relaxing" ritual.
Let me think
You Belle
You Beast!
The little boy had just said that he couldn't dance anymore, but the Bad ordered him to continue:
"That's just what I want" he quoth. "I'd like you could not anymore..."
Horror painted in the little boy's eyes.
Then make one up!
Only if you swallow your pride and sleep with my pet tarantula.
Will the fruits of your labor finally appear under a christmas tree, fresh off of the meat spitter.
Pepsi is good for your soul.
He struggled with his heroin habit, but Pepsi was his true addiction
Because he would put packet after packet of sucralose in it.
vHIOrBASE9 OKdDLel350s3Q 5MC0S5UD7j
- Oh, all-mighty God ! Could you say something to torture me?
- No, I consider as the best torture nothing to say... I like better this.
He used another hyphen.

- Well, ok then.

Merrily he chewed on his fingernails while the battle between good and evil waged on behind him.
Suddenly, Dan Burns approached and let out a great Rant!!!!!!!
You filthy sack of unevolved monkey meat! How can you sit there sulking when the world is in flames and all that we hold dear is crashing about us like so much rain!
That's when big fat Ray appeared, for he was the only one that could withstand Dan's Rants.
That's when big fat Ray appeared, for he was the only one that could withstand Dan's Rants.
His training at the oompa loompa academy gave him the skills needed to pull through something like this.
But the battle wasn't over; Neil was next to arrive. Justice would come along with freedom while Neil was there.
Unfortunately, Neil was Ray's arch nemisis. A bigger, more powerful than ever battle was about to begin.
As Ray began to summon the power of Willy Wonka, Neil revealed his giant staff, that's right, a staff.
But this wasn't any ordinary staff, this was "The Great Staff of Ultimate, Complete, Superior, Incredible, Tremendous, Enormous, Unstoppable POOSIN POWERS."
Ray leaped back with fear. He knew only one thing could stop the Great POOSIN Staff......The Great POOSIN Shield.
Ray leaped back with fear. He knew only one thing could stop the Great POOSIN Staff......The Great POOSIN Shield.
These were both ancient but powerful weapons. Whoever possesses them both would have the ultimate power.
Neil began to wave the POOSIN Staff through the air as if he were completeing some kind of ritual.
Ray knew what was coming. The skies turend POOSIN red and a storm appeared. The POOSIN Staff began to glow and Neil shot out a wave of energy of death and destruction at the oompa loompa called Ray.
The wave hit the POOSIN Sheild with great force. Unfortunately, neither Ray nor Neil could have imagined what happened next. The resulting blast created a spacial anomaly opening up a portal to the Lard Dimension.
At first, Neil thought this was the realm of Ray, but it was not. For something more destructive, more evil, much fatter than anything Neil had ever seen before emerged...Lord Greg, fifth king of Fat, 3rd Dynasty of the Lard Realm.
Neil and Ray could not beat this demon by themselves. They would have to form an alliance; for now anyway. They decided the best course of action would be diplomacy. They made Greg an offer he could not refuse. "For the safety of us and our people, we offer you the entire chain of Burger King." "HA HA HA!" laughed Greg. "I absorbed Burger King more than 5 years ago. Besides, I would rather eat you anyway. MUHUHAAAAA!"
neil gets eaten and ray succeeds


and all peaces is restored
neil u smug bastard
Succeeds at lossing the battle that is. Neil got eaten but the POOSIN Staff only to become more powerful. Greg just watched.
neil thought he did this but he really didnt he was actually dreming


even though he was dead
neil then got high up in heaven
Succeeds at lossing the battle that is. Neil got eaten but the POOSIN Staff only to become more powerful. Greg just watched.
Succeeds at lossing the battle that is. Neil got eaten but the POOSIN Staff only to become more powerful. Greg just watched.
then neil unclocked his dinosaur powers to only be stopped by the evil nazi that was his dad

but then his fun sucking mom attack!!!! oh no!! cried neil
This of course, was all inside Ray's head. After Neil hit him with the POOSIN Staff, Ray got a concussion and became dellusional.
then neil unclocked his dinosaur powers to only be stopped by the evil nazi that was his dad

but then his fun sucking mom attack!!!! oh no!! cried neil
then neil unclocked his dinosaur powers to only be stopped by the evil nazi that was his dad

but then his fun sucking mom attack!!!! oh no!! cried neil
no this did not happen
then ray started to cut bacon of neils back and neil was really the one who was dreaming
He struggled with his heroin habit, but Pepsi was his true addiction
GIVE ME GOD DAMN COKE!
GIVE ME GOD DAMN COKE!
Make it Diet.

Ice.

Bendy Straw.
then neil died again even though he was dead


u wanna know how I (ray) really know how he died......


when u die u crap ur pants and neil did just this i knew this after watching countless episodes of south park and i would be the cartmen and neil would be the kyle expect german nazi instead of jew any way i like cartman was always right


_
!___!
_! !



incase u couldnt tell that is a swasticka
woops that doesnt look like it

no, it doesn't.
yes it does!, he said defiantley. How could it be any other way, he reassured himself, as he was lost in the thought of wether it was or wasnt. maybe he was right....but he feared he was wrong.
Poop like a radiator
Poop like a radiator
Poop like a radiator
Then Jeanna said, "Damn, I need a life -- and a good douching!"
Congratulations on a great web site. I am a new computer user and finding you was like coming home. Continued success. Moisha Breit.
Blastphomy
"Wow, how did that crumpled note from Moisha end up in my uterus?" asked Jeanna. Her gynecologist shrugged and suggested she ask Ann Landers.
But it was no ordinary note ... Moisha had infused it with the DNA. Now it was too late -- Jeanna would be forced to incubate the very creature who would eventually reveal her secret. And there was nothing she could do, but wait.
And wait she did, through the long winter hours and days, feeling it grow and claw inside her. It would turn from its' sleep to yawn an disturb her more, she felt it kick and grow stronger. The windows facing the south end of her valley would frost over, staring through them she could see the shapes and lights twist in various forms, the weak winter light would never be enough to melt the ice on the glass. At night car lights would appear sprite like and vanishing, they were amber, red ,white, amniotic, hystereal, white as the conscious eyes of any living creature.
She sat up suddenly panicked and out of breath. The dream felt more likely reality than what she was currently facing.
At first, it skipped along like all dreams seem to- not quite finding it's path. The plot seemed to change every time she caught up with what was going on around her. Eventually, she recognized the linoleum tiles from the kitchen. Then it was the worn cupboard doors. Finally, a glint to her right became the butcher knife. Her hand reached for it beyond her will and she watched as she dissected her own abdomen. The blood was a shock, as was the pain, but coming face-to-face with the pretzel shaped fetus she carried within was the most jolting.
"Howdy-hey there neighbor," it chimed at her. "Have you any aspirin to spare? I have a splitting headache, for I fear my mind is all a-twist."
and he said "Yes let me go get an aspirin from the cupboard." So as he walked to the cupboard he was hit by a car

And that was sad.

Really, really, really sad.

So sad that I can't even say how sad it was.
It was so, so, so sad all the cats began to cry. And you know they don't cry often.
Except over spilled milk, and then they would cry for days. So let this be a lesson to you all. Never, under any circumstances, should you ever install your medicine cabinet in the middle of a busy street.
Adremelch drank rotten milk
They rocked until late at night
then they went back home. As they walked,the echoes of the crowd decreased and the dry land crunched.
It sounded like an old folks' home with all them creaky bones and joints.
An interesting place to try some remedy.
A little tiger balm on your coochie-koo would do you some good.
But she only had lotion that gave the sweet smell of apples.
Unfortunately the lotion was not only apple-based, it was also laced with a form of deadly cyanide that was absorbed into the skin.
So, when she attempted to manipulate the wrinkles around her eyes, the lids drank the deadly mixture.
"This tastes like premium shit," she said, and half a minute later she looked as half-decayed as Phyllis Diller.
She said to the moon, she said, she attacked a green field, she said. The green field is now as brown as my hair, she said, and he said, she said, the endless story of the time. It got 9/10 in the New York Times, she said, and it was the biggest seller of the year, he said, she said. The main character, she said, was a man, she said, he said, I'm a woman, she said, and he said, she said, I'm dying, he said.
Green is a good color on you, she said, it reminds me of your heart and fingernails.
But why did you choose today to die? Today to kill yourself? Tuesdays are never good. You should wait until Thursday, there's nothing on TV anyway. And I can focus on crying then. You are a selfish bastard aren't you? Are the flames hot enough down there? You think it's hot here? What about everyone else? Can we just blow our heads off when it gets to hard? There wouldn't be anyone left.
Life begins at 60; wait till then.
Life begins at 60; wait till then.
Each dawn I die; I want to die in Dawn's arms.
The dawn of a new age of hope? Sure if lo-cal mayo's available. I love baseball in the nude.
Mother, may I fuck sandra Bullock? Yes, if you get a note from the studio.
You know, from Louie B. Mayer.
Well, truthfully I fancy that nun a lot more.
Nun better! Nun but the brave!
Do nuns till you hear from me.
Duke said, do nothing till you hear from me, you sick SOB.
What of it? I just think she's cute, like my fouth grade teacher.
Yeah, and you wre a third rate student, weren't you? All erections and whanking in the cloakroom.
At least I could get one.
One what?
You know. Who cares anyway. I'm looking to buy an atoll so I can rest all alone in my declining years. They better have WiFi.
Like Palmyra?
Sure. All sandy beaches, green waters, and native women.
It's uninhabited, you mutron.
Me, Myself, I-like Joan Armatrading. It's best to just take one day a week to be alone.
Lonely, or lonesome? What's the difference?
That Vonnegut book-Hi ho! Lonesome no more!
He fucks his sister, you know. In the book that is. They're from Indiana.
Man you have sex on the brain.


What book is that anyway?
I think it's Goodbye Mr Chops. A trumpet player wrote it.
No-the Vonnegut book?

It was gross but I liked it-like sucking dick.
I'm not gay but I'd suck Jordan's dick in a heartbeat.
How did you get on THAT topic?
That book.

I practice on bananas.
I thought you said you're not gay?
I just want to be with him.
Kiss his chest, lick his prick.
Man you're sick.
What does that have to do with Kurt Vonnegut?
Just that it's barriers breaking-the character's with his sister sexually, and I want to be with that guy.
So Lothar and Edvil went to the convention, met Kurt Vonnegut, and shot him dead.
They did a movie about it, but it wan't as successful as I Shot Andy Warhol.
I like to watch, Eve.
So Eve says, did you always love me?
And Adam says, Who else?
Madam, I'm Adam.
Take out the trash, Adam.
What to you is trash is to me my mother
it said.
But I cannot chew crack wads and paint houses at the same time.
To do this would slowly drive me out my mind
however, as i cleared away the cuterly it suddenly occured to me that
Pancakes and gravy should neve be put on the same plate, much less in the same body. Forks are far less effective once swallowed so be sure to ive the esophugus a good cleansing when it is timne.
To save time and misery, I just guzzle a couple bottles of Liquid Plumber and away go my troubles down the drain! Feel the burn!

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they ran down the hall screaming as the flames grew closer.
But what would you expect from a bunch of flaming queens?

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4933@pangloss.com
How now brown cow

So, how is anyone in these scary times ?
Yes, I am a brown cow and PROUD. I went down to the dairy but didn't like the way they were eyeing my utters.
The family who ran the dairy were Hindu, did not have a taste for cow, but they had him dipped alive in molten bronze so they could make a statue of him fit to worship.
They worshipped the bronze cow daily, praying that their cows would give more milk
But alas no milk came and they were eventually forced to sell the cows.
It was rather rude to call his daughter "cows", but the destitute farmer "married off" (sold) his daughters to the local gentry (highest bidders) anyway.
"I think it was a good sale" said the farmer - he chuckled underneath his breath and scratched his chin.
He stretched out and looked at his skinny and exhausted son looking worn out from the numerous chores he had done, and thought to himself. "Maybe he could be a Llama... I wonder how fast he cold be sold?"
So, that very night the farmer went about creating a costume for his child that resemled a llama. Although the only resorces he could find to make use of was an old quilt, some straw, and a few shards of broken glass the costume did infact apear to have an uncanny realness. The next day the farmer fitted his son into the costume and took him to the market. His son was very obediant and did not resist, for the farmer had lied to the boy that today was a festival and it was traditional for all boys of ten years to dress a llamas. At the market the child was quickly purchased for several pesos by a stranger. "I think it was a good sale" said the farmer, he chuckled underneath his breath and scratched his chin not unlike he had done just a day ago.
"Your llama ain't nothing but a wayward chile." said the farmer
"That's not true," said the girl as she ran toward the farmer with great rage. "My llama may be slightly headsrtong, but he is a lot better looking than YOUR chiles!"
She then slapped him, not once, not twice, but thrice for his hateful cutting remark! She made certain each successive smack of her hand upon his face was harder and louder than the previous. Those bitch-smacking reruns of Dynasty and Melrose Place she would often watch proved useful.
but then remorse hit her hard....she dropped to her knees and begged for forgivness, but it was too late. he looked at her like she was the diaretic leavings of a stink bug, turned and walked out the door.
As the door slammed behind her, she realized she left her favorite pink panties on the floor next to the bed. She beat on the door in desperation (those panties cost $20!). He ignored her pleadings and returned to his paper.
But only for a minute, for he longed to try on her panties. He put first one hairy leg and then the other into the delicate neon pink garment and checked himself out in the mirror. Even did a little twirl. He nodded in approval of himself. The fabric in the rear rode up quite a bit and wedged itself in his sweaty butt crack. The cameltoe effect in the front added character to his rotund frame.
But then alas, the neighbor saw
Cindy Crawford, masturbating.
Or was it Broderick Crawford? Annie could never tell the difference.

Then Penn and Teller showed up and sliced Cindy's masturbating fingers off. Blood was everywhere. But, as if by magic, Penn restored Cindy's digits, and she returned to her round of jerking off.

Magic is just another word for science, said the talking member of the duo.
Science is the god of our day, said Annie, who was now sure she hadn't seen Broderick Crawford.

I fuck, therefore I am, should be the byword of our age, replied the magician. Our culture is so obsessed with fucking. Earlier times obsessed on wealth, or status. We just want to look young and fuck like rabbits.
The moral of the story is, there is no moral.
No morals?

I didn't say that, replied the magician. Times being what they are, you live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking corpse.

Is that all there is?
No morals?

I didn't say that, replied the magician. Times being what they are, you live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking corpse.

Is that all there is?
Like repeaeting decimals...3.123123123123123..for ever and ever. Amen.
Like repeaeting decimals...3.123123123123123..for ever and ever. Amen.
Pi in the sky?

No, that's not a repeating decimal-it doesm't repeat-it's am irrational number.
Why do you use "m's" when you need "n's"?

I'm Brazilian. If it's N in Spanish it's M for us.

Oh.
I think a certain kind of Brazilian woman is very striking.

Really?

Yeah, the ones that hit me when I proposition them.

They weren't too impressed with your version of Girl from Ipanema, huh?

Nope.
You know the thong was invented in Brazil, don't you?

Yeah-my first sexual experience was an issue of TIME with Brazilian girls in thongs. So THAT'S what it's all about. Fine asses in thongs.
There's more to life than tits and ass, you know.

I know, I'm becoming more interested in the finer things in life. You know, art, philosophy, science...pussy.

You dog!
Seriously, do you ever think about anything else?

Sure, I think about sports and beer.

Typical Americam male.

There you guy with the "M's" again.
That doesn't make sense.

Deus ex machina-method to fix all errors.

Including your sorry looks?
Yet something about you I find irresistable
Maybe it's how your eyes captivate me, or how your millions in stocks and bonds give me orgasms when I think how rich you are.
Or maybe it's because of the way that we feel around each other. I'm in love but I never want to act on it. doing so will inevitably make everything crumble. The most pleasureable passion is not in what two people can or will do together, but what they can't.
Or maybe it's because of the way that we feel around each other. I'm in love but I never want to act on it. doing so will inevitably make everything crumble. The most pleasureable passion is not in what two people can or will do together, but what they can't.
Nah, I take that back, I think it's all about the money.
The money is worthless....trade the cat.
"Look, the money may not be as worthless as you think. It's possible that with a run through the washer it will still be usuable", she said with a snarl. "And, yes, I know you told me Fluffy would eat anything!"
"Look, the money may not be as worthless as you think. It's possible that with a run through the washer it will still be usuable", she said with a snarl. "And, yes, I know you told me Fluffy would eat anything!"
"By the way, she ate your jockstrap.... well don't look at me like that! You know I can't afford to buy her cat food!"
Sure, but that cat was my reason for living.
My passion for you is so great that I never want to act on it. I merely wish to kiss your perfect cheek.

Isn't that "acting on it"?

Well, sure, but you are my chaste lover.
Life is about Truth and Beauty. The serach for eah should consume out very souls.

Is that bs, or do you really believe it?

I do-we're so willing to settle for mediocre lives when we could aim for finer things-like Truth, Baeuty, and Love.
That's a nice thought, but you spell poorly.

How do you know? I said it, I didn't write it.

Oh, the angel's doing the copying. He's not very good.
I wish to master. I wish to matter. I want all ages to know my name-Myron Q. Fussbinder.

All ages will call you Myron.
Did you ever think, Myron, that all of your drerams amount to the strivings of a Nowhere Man?

I did, and that's why I shot john Lennon. Or was it Andy Warhol?
Making all his nowhere plans for nobody....
Yo-I wrote that!
John wrote it! and so Myron shot him. sick pup.
Blah, why should the bother when I'm alone and I am so bored so damn bored
I am so bored that my eyes sting from watching the wall
Whomever said staring at walls was harmless is dead wrong.
Screaming buttefly penetration
I hope you greased up with butter beforehand, mi amigo caliente!
asdasdf aff adf dsadsf asf dsa
I hope you greased up with butter beforehand, mi amigo caliente!
I think you are so tall, it hurts my mind
By brazen swittlesticks, I am your mothman!
Those booby-do's tell me otherwise.
Suddenly I woke, panting and terified. Slowly the mind numbing buzz left my head.

But as the reality returned to my mind my fear returned many fold:
My lifelong dream came true... I had become the half-woman, half-wildebeest of urban legend.
after 5 years together she marry a filipino
and after 5 years in ESL classes she still did not know past tense from present.
to be or not to be
that is the question haunting many a transsexual these days, or so says your Mom. She should know.
what should she know.. i dont know...
i don't know either. but to know would be to know, and knowing now would know the know-how of knowing so to know now is now all-knowing.
And what do you know, ho?
features
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server
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numerous security features erv incorporates. ersion 6.3 updated product
icon, images, and splash screen updated pen libraries, ib library. etworks
is not responsible for the content of this ublisher

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c2hhcmluZyBzb2x1dGlvbiBmb3IgdmlydHVhbGx5IGV2ZXJ5b25lLiBlZ2FyZGxlc3Mgb2YgdGhl
IHB1cnBvc2UgYmVoaW5kIHlvdXIgc2VydmVyLCBldmVyeW9uZQ==

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features4400@pangloss.com
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Content-Type: text/plain Subject: the nternet bcc: buletmann@aol.com that make it a perfect file sharing solution for virtually everyone. egardless of the purpose behind your server, everyone will benefit from the numerous security features erv incorporates. ersion 6.3 updated product icon, images, and splash screen updated pen libraries, ib library. etworks is not responsible for 6ef6a158ee4dc5dde57dd45e64b2b76c .
that620@pangloss.com
Once upon a time in a galaxy far far around the corner,
James Brown
James Brown
Oh, for words to describe how foolish you are, James Brown!
A mere trifle to be paid, and the universe is yours.
What is that trifle?

Oh, merely the sum of all your imaginings.

To get it all you must dream it all.

That;s a little pie in the sky, isn't it?

No, more like heaven in the sky. All the beauty in a wish, a dream, a day of beauty.
"I want to see the most neautiful thing in the universe", said Andy.

Uma replied, "You just did."

"Huh?"

"That wish-it's self-fulfilling, if you'll allow it to be."


What does "neautiful" mean?

I think he meant beuatiful.

Some angels type poorly.
"Indeed. Then they are fallible as well".

"Of course."
Of course you were adopted, what did you think? Look at us, we are fair complexioned, flaxen haired, perfect teeth... and look at you. Gross! You have six legs and a face where your butt should be.
Why can't I lick my own elbow?
What's the difference between an orange?
My colon hurts. Does that mean anything?
Yes. Yes it does. It means you have been sticking your fist up your bum too many times. What did you expect? A transcendental cleansing? Next time, save your ass and get a manicure from a reputable salon. Try Ms. Phukphong's. She'll give you a discount, half-price. Ok honeh? Ask your mama how she's durrin.
who is a piddly wheel?
Jenny gu
Jenny has been piddlying all her life since she was 87.
RjZB4xPaFRx hZOVupfIekrZE dmXWRn5OHLn
bla bla bla
is how bored sheep bleat.
they bleat in heat
then they fried and died
and some lamas were ducks
Julio said "lookout! There are lamas!"
Julio said "lookout! There are lamas!"
Julio said "lookout! There are lamas!"
In fact, they were all clones of the Dalai Lama.
Well, hello Dalai!
Every guy grab a girl!
David Bowie

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Somewhere.. out there..
a woman reaches for SPF 99 suntan lotion, which is useless in close orbit to Betelguese.
I saw a big black beetle carrying a VW Beetle the other day.

I asked him why he needed a car he said it was only to get to California.
I loathe the Beach Boys.
Brian Wilson is a fdine trumpet player.
What does "fdine" mean?

He dines while playing-no mean task.
But he was a mean-looking SOB, all right.
so i smacked him up side da head!
And he proceeded to kick my pimpled arse!
Geah.
I let out a big fat juicy kaka-boomb in response.

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.

Ahhh-tandem story spam. The province of losers.

A winner seeks, as Shakespeare said, to assume a virtue he has not.
Ahhh-tandem story spam. The province of losers.

A winner seeks, as Shakespeare said, to assume a virtue he has not.
But I repeat myself.

No, you repeat Shakespeare.
Way down upon the Swanee River....
to
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sausages. lthough ritain has a large pork and bacon industry, much of the
bacon consumed in

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but browning can be accelerated by using half

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hams5720@pangloss.com
eggs7618@pangloss.com
Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Content-Type: text/plain Subject: cornmeal. his variation is cc: buletmann@aol.com his then curls upwards away from the heat of the pan. o overcome this probl= em, the rashers can be placed into ice cold water for a couple of minutes, = drained and dried before cooking. or the bacon to be browned and
size
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b0d523527ce33319451001cdac088442
your finger pecks nervously at the stars
Ah...to travel among the stars, to take a spin around Alpha Centauri!
twould be such a joy as beyond imagining
beyond my capacity to make sense
of this molten
metal, which might be used to fashion a new heart for you.
"I think," she said
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After spewing gibberish she exploded right there before my eyes. Damn, I should have purchased insurance for that robot bride.
As if one could insure one's deams.

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2474@pangloss.com
1532@pangloss.com
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4088@pangloss.com
many
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Subject: the onservative arty leader at
to: buletmann@aol.com

and bacon industry, much of the bacon consumed in ritain is produced in enm=
ark, and marketed as anish bacon (the word anish is stamped on the rind
The D would not register, and thus the Danes were mighty pissed.
7273@pangloss.com

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.

skunky granny panties reading cosmo

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Polish as you will, yet your pans will ne'er be as glossy!
For none knows, but I, the true art of dishwashing. You are young and pretentious, whereas long experience has taught me humility when washing the plates that held the delicate foods that our bodies crave for.
For none knows, but I, the true art of dishwashing. You are young and pretentious, whereas long experience has taught me humility when washing the plates that held the delicate foods that our bodies crave for.
Honestly, why waste time loading the dishwasher, when, in the same amount of time, you can have all of the dishes washed by hand. However, this can take longer when people don't rinse their dishes and leave them in the sink with congealed food on them.
If you put on your apron, fill the sink with soapy water, and block out the rest of the world for less than an hour, you can have some good clean fun.
Sometimes I would spend hours lounging at the sink with my hands submerged in the suds, letting my mind just drift away in pure ecstasy.
What's done well is a deed done with passion. Jesus Christ is Lord. The trinity is real. God is the creator of the Universe
This I realized after downing a few little red pills and ten shots of vodka. Praise the lawd!
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It was the annual treasure hunt for the blind hosted by none other than that hip momma, Helen K.
See Helen K. Was a hip momma! Litterally. THey say her hips were about 2 feet long!
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I prefer my women well done, if you must know.
Broiled in apathy, baked in insolence, sauteed in stark foolishness.
prefer my women well done, if you must know.
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the cat sat, and waited. adjusted his paws lightly. looked around, a bit.. caught sight of a leaf.. hypnotised by the distraction for a moment prepared to pounce then becoming instantly bored abandoned the opportunity of amusment. he sighed, and slumped. then licked his paw. he continued licking the paw fopr some time, thinking far away from where we see him. his mind was on beautiful lazy things, he had a tree of shedding leaves raining in his mind whilst considering the absurdity of all things. he could privatley think this, yet once regaining presance of reality he had to succomb to the notions of all things be just, so, and his roll in the matter was little more than some fained participation, if not only for lack of will to seriously just die and never do anything again, keeping him almost professionally cat-like, indeed, alive at all. anyway. this was all interupted by a freak gust of wind which ruffled his fur in the wrong direction and made him thoroughly un enchanted even more so by the predictament of existing..
at least he had a good name.
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Except
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It was a dark and stormy night.
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i then found bliss at the edge of the seat, a gobstopper, half-sucked-upon, was stuck to the floor and my belt freed it from its sticky bind.

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And so he sat in his overstuffed armchair, gingerly stroking the luxurious fur of his pet merkat, Norlax. He was just about to absorb himself in Rowan's newest knitting magazine when he heard a knock at the door. "Blast," he exclaimed. "I was looking foreward to seeing the new sock pattern." But alas, he could not enjoy the latest sock pattern, which happened to sport a lovely argyle pattern. He opened the heavy oak door to reveal a gaggle of circus clowns, and parked in the driveway was a legitamate clown mobile.




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It happened on a cloudy day in paradise. Perfection was shattered, and the world broke into cruel shards. Who could be sinister enough to carry out such a heinous deed? To intentionally ruin the lives of so many innocents, it was unthinkable.






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