|The Story||The Authors|
|Mike sat in the back seat of the black Lincoln Towncar and pondered his miserable existence. How did it come to be that he could be tyrannized by a talking piece of shrapnel lodged in his groin and so controlled by a deranged megalomaniac? And to top it all off, he couldn't have proper sex with a woman or anything else for that matter. And even though Meredith's abusive obsessive compulsive behavior had been the only constant in his life, he decided it was time to end it. He instructed Bertram to drive to the desert. Since Bertram didn't answer to Meredith, he obeyed unquestioningly. Meanwhile Meredith paced the floor of her apartment waiting for Mike to arrive. Mr. Tickles hid behind the geraniums, he'd seen her like this before and knew it was better to stay out of her way.|
|Meredith checked the answering machine for what seemed like the thousand time. If Mike did not see fit to at call then she would not worry herself to death, besides mother was coming for a visit this week, it will be hellish enough trying go entertain her. From the corner of her eye Meredith thought she detected a sudden motion coming from corner where the geranium stand sat--what the hell!!; before she had a chance to respond she was swimming in a web of darkness as her body slammed into the hardwood floor.|
|Meredith checked the answering machine for what seemed like the thousand time. If Mike did not see fit to at least call then she would not worry herself to death, besides mother was coming for a visit this week, it will be hellish enough trying to entertain her. From the corner of her eye Meredith thought she detected a sudden motion coming from corner where the geranium stand sat--what the hell!!; before she had a chance to respond she was swimming in a web of darkness as her body slammed into the hardwood floor.|
|"Nyuck-nyuck-nyuck-nyuck-nyuck," chortled Mr. Tickles, emerging from behind a potted palmetto holding the end of the tripwire.|
|With nimble claws, the brown and grey tabby cat bound Meredith's wrists and ankles with the phone cord. Satisfied with his work, Mr. Tickles unzipped the cat suit and dropped it to the floor.|
In the cat's place stood a tiny man.|
He stepped from his orange jumpsuit as fluidly as he'd stepped from the cat suit.
Beneath it, he was naked.
At, that, the dwarf formerly known as Mr. Tickles, the Cat, growing erect to the proportions of a Greek Priapus, began to gyrate his hips in a most unsettlingly lewd manner while chanting:|
"Lit-tle knows this
Is my name --
Ha-ha!" At which, taking his enormous clublike penis in his hand, he prepared to ravish the helpless, bound, unconscious Meredith.
|"Har, Har, Har" laughed the naked dwarf formerly known as Mr. Tickles the Cat. "The time has come for the little pussy you tickled to do a wee bit o' pussy tickling himself." and with this he burst into another hearty round of "Har, Har, Har"s. Meredith's blood froze. This simply couldn't be happening to her. She had her Mother coming for the weekend, a meeting with the Ukranian consulate and a photo-op with a pack of Rhodesian land mine victims at four. She struggled vainly to free herself from the intricate network of knots that bound her as the the Dwarf nee Mr. Tickles edged nearer swinging his yard arm stiffly in her direction and singing "Barnacle Bill the Sailor" in a cracked tenor.|
|"That does it!" Meredith shreiked and with super human strength she broke free of her restraints. "You're making me late!!!" she shreiked so loudly all the windows in her apartment shattered. She grabbed the Dwarf's engorged penis and swung the little bugger over her head like a lasso. The former Mr. Tickles was unconcious before he even hit the ground.|
|Realizing she put the ultimate pain on a male - just short of 'Bobbit'-izing - she knelt down over the poor dwarf, wondering if he would ever recover. Meanwhile, the Dwarf just wished he was dead. What good is a member-less Dwarf, he thought. Looking down at the L-shaped willy, Meredith wondered how traffic would be at this hour. Her 'John' would be waiting impatienltly behind the 7-11.|