|The Story||The Authors|
|Bitzy taught Janice and Tiki everything they knew about self-mutilation. But they learned how to hurt others all on their own. Janice raised Demetrius' arm above her head to show Tiki, but the blood dripped on to her face so she laid it by her side..|
...But Demetrius' groans tore Bitsy from such reveries. She looked around; except for Dr. Smack, all the players were there. And who was this fuck lying unconscious on the floor?|
A clumsy scrabbling noise and the cry of roobee-roobee-rooooo announced the arrival of Bitsy faithful sleuth-dog Scooby Doo. He came out from behind her, wagging his tail, and proceeded to sniff along the floor, following the trail of pizza-crumbs in hopes of a pot of delicious, nutritious Scooby-Snacks™ at its end. Instead, his nose led him to the prone figure of Kurt Loder.
Scoob, that rascal, began to lick to former MTV VJ's face with long, forceful lips and loud smacking noises, causing much chortling among the reunited friends -- even Demetrius found reason to giggle (reopening the wound where his arm had been and resulting in the loss of still more blood, poor boy) -- and to all who watched, Kurt Loder's face seemed to shift and waver, to stretch and mutate... "Plasticman?" gasped Bitsy. "Plasticman, shmasticman," said Janice, bending over him. "Let's find out who our mad VJ really is." She ran her glittering titanium fingers down under his collars, seemingly searching for something. What in God's name is she doing? wondered the others. And then she found the catch, and as Tiki and Bitsy and Demetrius looked on in astonishment, she peeled the pneumatic Kurt Loder mask over his head and there lay -- "Dr. Smack!" exclaimed the others in unison.
|A Flicker of consciousness appeared in Dr Smack's face and he struggled to speak. Janice had really whacked him hard with that severed limb. The trio of women and their dog leaned closely down to Dr Smack's face to hear what he had to say. To hear what possible explanation, confession or plea he might make. His breath rattled his lungs as they filled with fluid, his voice a rasp. And thusly Dr. Smack did speak," And I would have gotten away with it if it hadn't of been for you meddling kids!" and then promptly lapsed into a coma.|
|And so having solved the mystery and disposed of the villain, our three heroines left attic and caught the bus for the train station. "You know," Bitzy pondered as their bus lurched along the boulevard. "We never did find out why Doc Smack did it." Not that it mattered now, for they had set fire to the old house on their way out and now they were intent on finding a reputable surgeon to fix Janice's voice box which Dr. Smack had mutilated. "He was a sick man," Tiki said. "That's all there was to it."|