|The Story||The Authors|
|Sopocles - the name rang a bell like a distant memory. Oh well, never mind the guard thought, there's more important things to be done.|
|Like washing the dishes, cleaning the car, and finding out who won the World Championship toe-nail biting competition.|
|Norway's omniflexible, 435-pound Jens Lümpen had just taken the toe-biting title for the fifth consecutive year. Across the international sports pipeline ran cries of "cheater" and "steroids!" When interviewed, Jens seemed a likeable enough fellow, but displayed all the manic, paranoid signs of early-onset amphetamine psychosis.|
He spoke often and at great, rapid length of his childhood on the Norwegian fjords, and of how a diet rich in salt cod and liver oil uniquely qualified the men of rural Norway as toe-biters. But when Janice looked at him, his lips said: "12 o'clock, dearie. Don't forget. Don't be late. Who knows, maybe you can save one of them. The other we'll have to gut like a pig, but maybe we'll let you choose which one gets stuck and bled, eh? You always did have a head for crucial decisions in moments of crisis."|
With that, Janice could take no more. She turned the TV off, rolled sideways, and took the shocked but receptive Biff in her arms. "You've spent enough time on my wrists and hands, Mr. Physical Therapist. Now do some work on the important parts."
"Yes, ma'am!" he said, beginning to unbutton her blouse; and as she ran her glittering new digits through his chest-hair, she wondered if he (let's face it, if they: men) would find being touched by titanium fingers a turn-on or a turn-off.
She'd just have to dive in and find out. After all it was only 5:30. She still had six and a half hours to kill.
|But then she suddenly remembered that they, in fact, were not in New York. "Biff, I just remembered I have to catch a plane." Janice said as she pulled on her shoes. "What?" Biff asked, confused. "I'm sorry, my love, but I must go." she reached to gently stroke his cheek but having not mastered her new titanium fingers, she accidentally chopped his head in half. "Damn! I hate when that happens!" she exclaimed. "And he was the only person I could talk to her understood my morse code voice!" Janice sighed and shrugged and then left the apartment. Once on the street, she hailed a cab and got inside. She handed the driver a scribbled note that said 'take me to the airport'.|
|The Driver Slid Seamlessly Into Traffic, And Off They Went. After About Three Hours Of Driving, Janice Suddenly Realized They Were Nowhere Near The Airport. In Fact, They Seemed To Be In A Quaint Seaside Fishing Village. Thinking This Just The Slightest Bit Odd, She Leaned Forward To Inquire The Driver About Current Matters, But To Everybody's Surprise, There Was No One There!|
"Holy spumoni!" She exclaimed. This must be one of those new test driving systems where cars control and drive themselves by sensing information about road conditions from magnets burried within the road itself, and sensors to keep the cars spaced evenly apart. Perhaps she could modify her Palm Pilot to pick up the information in the road and find out where she was going. After all, the magnets in the road simply serve as a form of morse code to pass general information about the road to the car's onboard computer.|
She remembered from physics that passing a magnet over a piece of metal causes an electric field to be generated, just like in a generator. She took her palm pilot out of her purse and called up a little program she'd written as an exercise in a basic survival class. The program simply detected and recorded electrical changes on the input port of the Pilot between pins 3 and 7. She removed a bobby pin from her hair and scraped off the liitle bit of black paint to expose the bare metal. Hopefully she could find some part of the floor that wasn't covered by a metal plate, because that would shield the magnetic signals. She held the bobby pin to the pilot and carefully scanned different parts of the floor. Suddenly she saw a pattern of pulses appear on the screen of the Pilot. Jackpot!