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Chapter 3

     The Story The Authors
So there he lay, not moving. Not moving - because he was dead. That night the rain lashed like four inch nails emerging out of the thick cloud cover. Well, night metamorphised into a glorious day, and Sledrunner's carcas merely lay there, not moving, in a state of still, black, insectile death. I suppose it would have stayed like that if it wasn't for Tuwanda-Shabadoo Glassdrinker who happeded to find Sledrunner's body on her way to work. ''MY GOD HE'S DEAD!" Exclaimed Tuwanda with a blood curdling shriek. She went through his pockets and found some money, along with an expensive watch and one solid gold Wizards Staff. "So long sucker!!" Exclaimed Tuwanda as she ran off to the pawn store. I wonder how much I'll get for this Staff, she thought to herself. "no more work for me !!!" She exclaimed to no one in particular. At the pawn store the guy gave her $10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 for the Wizard's Staff. Holding the money to her huge, round, fleshy, beaytiful breasts she started to sing a song: "I'M RIIIIIIIIIICH, SO RICH BABY!" A record label big shot who happened to be standing next to her signed her for a 2000 album deal. Everything would have turned out okay for Tuwanda if it wasn't for one small problem, that would soon put the safety of the entire world in danger . . . . In her undergroud fortress, Grandma Pearl looked at her evil minions. "WHERE'S THAT WIZARD'S STAFF!!??" She screamed. "your higness, we have not yet found it . . . ." "IF THAT STAFF FALLS INTO THE RIGHT HANDS I'LL NEVER RULE THE UNIVERSE DAMN IT!!! NOW GO OUT AND FIND -" All of a sudden the underground fortress began to tremble, as if sound great force was disrupting the Earth's energies . . . . DrooG
...and then, silence. Silence so rich, so deep, that the creak of old mother Earth, slowly turning on her rusted axis could almost be heard. Grandma Pearl rose her eyes to the sky, as if in a moment of glorious epiphany - then sat. Just sat... A sniveling, snaggledy toothed minion crept up to her throne, whimpering like a beaten dog to it's evil master. "Grandma Pearl, great one," he began, stopping only to suck back a string of drool dangling from his malformed lips. "WHAT!" She responded, her eyes glaring at him - then, softening. "What-could-it POSSIBLY be-now?!". "Grandma Pearl... You forgot to take your estrogen." he cowered. "You know how the doctor always says to take your pill... How he says this stuff always happens when you forget your pill... Maybe you should take it. Maybe you should have a pill." Shannon
"Oh no silly" said grandma pearl "I don't need to take it anymore!" Well later that night the strangest things started happening to Grandma Pearl, she started talking and talking and the wierd thing about that wasn't that she was talkibng it was because she was talking to herself. By the end of the night more and more things started happening. me
Like Cheesecakes, For Examples.. All Of A Sudden Cheesecakes Where The Happening Thing.. People Were Snapping Them Up Like Hotcakes, And Hoarding Them In Their Basement.. Cheesecake Weekly Actually Managed To Get A Subscription Or Two.. It Was Chaos! Jesse
But like any thing that promised cheap satisfaction there was a tragic - criminal element mixing things up, as fast as cheesecake treatment centres could open there were thousands more victims. Police conducted massive undercover operations which all seemed to lead to the mob and to Philadelphia. none
As the crisis deepened the search for someone to lead the war on the on the criminal cheesecake conspiracy became even more frenzied. Illicit labs were working overtime to come up with a faster "no-bake" recipe which even the the FBI (Federal Baking Investigations) could not detect with their highly trained sniffer weasels. FBI Director Betty Crocker was not going to have her apron soiled on her watch. She leaned back in the big chintz desk chair and hissed into the intercom, "Get me my Pearls.......Grandma Pearl!" Her assistant, a pale , pauchy kid she called Pop'n moved quickly to set the seach in motion. Pod

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