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Chapter 5

The Story The Authors

She smiled smugly and tossed the revolver away. Candace looked helplessly at the expired Xavier and began to tremble; first with fear then with an overwhelming hatred. Candace pulled a nail file from Xavier's satchel and hurled it at Bitzy, who was just starting some kind of tirade. It hit Bitzy square in the right eye and she fell.. Shasta

and landed right on her butt, bruising her tailbone in the worst way. "Ow, that hurrrrt!" Candace laughed, "I'm glad it hurt you two bit whore from hell." Bitzy looked shocked and hurt, not only from the protrusion in her eye and the bruised tailbone, but the insult as well. Candace, losing her mind for a moment due to all the needless trauma that surrounded her, picked up a golf club from in the trunk and hit Bitzy hard enough to send her a good hundred yards, give or take a few. Just then, Candace heard a sound from the car and noticed some movement from the direction of Xavier. gwenevere

Candace dropped the golf club and ran over to her dying ex. Her lips trembling, she could not hold back the tears any longer, and soon her mascara started to run. "Oh, Jeff! I didn't want it to end like this, please believe me. I...I've always thought we'd get back together again, someday, when you got your life together again." She cradled Xavier's bleeding head in her arms, and he looked up at her with sorrowful eyes. Barely audible, he whispered, "Don't you worry your pretty head, hon. I always knew fast women would be the end of me. And hey, at least one of us got our act together. But I'd watch out for those friends of yours, sweetie. I heard they....they...." He closed his eyes. "They what??," asked Candace. "Jefferson! Speak to me! What is it that you're trying to tell me??" He grimaced in pain and with his dying breath uttered, "It's...it's..." "It's what?" asked Candace hysterically. "It's... Xavier, not Jeff!" With those last words, Jefferson a.k.a. Xavier collapsed lifeless in Candace's arms. Candy blinked, sniffled, then sighed. "Damn," she said, wiping her eyes. "Damn you! Damn you cheap mascara!" Then she heard footsteps from behind and turned around to see who was approaching. splice girl

Approaching her was her lover John Michael. He had come to see her on his lunch break and saw the whole perdicament. "Why is he laying there? I thought that we were going to have a threesome tonight. Now what do I do with all of the chocolate and Whip cream I bought? I was looking forward to some nice fudge packing." none

Vashondra Du Lunchenette reached into her 3 foot high strawberry blonde beehive hairdo, pulled out her uzie and tossed to Candace who quickly made short work of that bozo John Michael. Candace tossed the weapon back to Vashondra. "Thanks," she said. "I always knew you were my true friend." Candace stood up and wiped Jefferson/Xavier's blood off her hands then apologized to Bitzy for putting her eye out. "It's okay," Bitzy said, "That was my glass eye and I always carry a spare." Bitzy reached into her less fabulous beehive, pulled out a glass eye and replaced the one that Candace had destroyed. "See, all better." She said and Candace smiled. "Where's Tiki?" Vashondra said. "Ohmygod! Look!" Bitzy shouted. Xavier's thug chaufer had captured Tiki and was forcing into the car. "Uh! Not again!" Vashondra said shaking her head. cuddles

From the corner of her eye Vashondra glimpsed a beat up BMW convertable stalled in the drive-in window of McDonalds. The driver had already ordered a supersize double quarter pounderd meal, but his passenger was balking at the thought of devouring any minced meat. Vashondra manuevered the lime green Mustang close enough so that she could holler over to Tiki. "You don't need to pork out on that Soylent, follow us back to the house." "I feel a change of life coming on," Vash hollered demurely,"Let's have something healthy like margaritas." Reaching into the beehive she produced a blender, six cocktail glasses, a pint of tequila, a miniature of triple sec, twelve plump strawberries and three limes. "Thug" Vashondra ordered "FETCH ICE, Comprende?" Candice looked relieved, at last they were going to party again and life would be good. Tiki, the thug and Candace danced the hully gully in the parking lot as Vash kept blenderizing. Bitzy tried to get into the spirit, in the back of her mind she was trying to remember what happened to Xavier. On a lark she wandered off from her friends, a spatula, half a jar of Hellman's mayonaise and an unopened sleeve of water biscuits in her backback. elan

The Story	The Authors
She smiled smugly and tossed the revolver away. Candace looked helplessly at the expired Xavier and began to tremble; first with fear then with an overwhelming hatred. Candace pulled a nail file from Xavier's satchel and hurled it at Bitzy, who was just starting some kind of tirade. It hit Bitzy square in the right eye and she fell..	Shasta
and landed right on her butt, bruising her tailbone in the worst way. "Ow, that hurrrrt!" Candace laughed, "I'm glad it hurt you two bit whore from hell." Bitzy looked shocked and hurt, not only from the protrusion in her eye and the bruised tailbone, but the insult as well. Candace, losing her mind for a moment due to all the needless trauma that surrounded her, picked up a golf club from in the trunk and hit Bitzy hard enough to send her a good hundred yards, give or take a few. Just then, Candace heard a sound from the car and noticed some movement from the direction of Xavier.	gwenevere
Candace dropped the golf club and ran over to her dying ex. Her lips trembling, she could not hold back the tears any longer, and soon her mascara started to run. "Oh, Jeff! I didn't want it to end like this, please believe me. I...I've always thought we'd get back together again, someday, when you got your life together again." She cradled Xavier's bleeding head in her arms, and he looked up at her with sorrowful eyes. Barely audible, he whispered, "Don't you worry your pretty head, hon. I always knew fast women would be the end of me. And hey, at least one of us got our act together. But I'd watch out for those friends of yours, sweetie. I heard they....they...." He closed his eyes. "They what??," asked Candace. "Jefferson! Speak to me! What is it that you're trying to tell me??" He grimaced in pain and with his dying breath uttered, "It's...it's..." "It's what?" asked Candace hysterically. "It's... Xavier, not Jeff!" With those last words, Jefferson a.k.a. Xavier collapsed lifeless in Candace's arms. Candy blinked, sniffled, then sighed. "Damn," she said, wiping her eyes. "Damn you! Damn you cheap mascara!" Then she heard footsteps from behind and turned around to see who was approaching.	splice girl
Approaching her was her lover John Michael. He had come to see her on his lunch break and saw the whole perdicament. "Why is he laying there? I thought that we were going to have a threesome tonight. Now what do I do with all of the chocolate and Whip cream I bought? I was looking forward to some nice fudge packing."	none
Vashondra Du Lunchenette reached into her 3 foot high strawberry blonde beehive hairdo, pulled out her uzie and tossed to Candace who quickly made short work of that bozo John Michael. Candace tossed the weapon back to Vashondra. "Thanks," she said. "I always knew you were my true friend." Candace stood up and wiped Jefferson/Xavier's blood off her hands then apologized to Bitzy for putting her eye out. "It's okay," Bitzy said, "That was my glass eye and I always carry a spare." Bitzy reached into her less fabulous beehive, pulled out a glass eye and replaced the one that Candace had destroyed. "See, all better." She said and Candace smiled. "Where's Tiki?" Vashondra said. "Ohmygod! Look!" Bitzy shouted. Xavier's thug chaufer had captured Tiki and was forcing into the car. "Uh! Not again!" Vashondra said shaking her head.	cuddles
From the corner of her eye Vashondra glimpsed a beat up BMW convertable stalled in the drive-in window of McDonalds. The driver had already ordered a supersize double quarter pounderd meal, but his passenger was balking at the thought of devouring any minced meat. Vashondra manuevered the lime green Mustang close enough so that she could holler over to Tiki. "You don't need to pork out on that Soylent, follow us back to the house." "I feel a change of life coming on," Vash hollered demurely,"Let's have something healthy like margaritas." Reaching into the beehive she produced a blender, six cocktail glasses, a pint of tequila, a miniature of triple sec, twelve plump strawberries and three limes. "Thug" Vashondra ordered "FETCH ICE, Comprende?" Candice looked relieved, at last they were going to party again and life would be good. Tiki, the thug and Candace danced the hully gully in the parking lot as Vash kept blenderizing. Bitzy tried to get into the spirit, in the back of her mind she was trying to remember what happened to Xavier. On a lark she wandered off from her friends, a spatula, half a jar of Hellman's mayonaise and an unopened sleeve of water biscuits in her backback.	elan

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