Chapter 2
| The Story | The Authors |
|---|---|
| It was Bill Clinton. He had snuck away from his gang of Secret Service agents long enough to have a smoke and to blow a few notes from his sax. He caught a glimpse of a group of people in the distance, and noticed their were some women in the crowd. He adjusted the tie Hilary had given him last Christmas and strided over to the ladies in the group and addressed them. "Hello, ladies, " he said in the most gallant way he knew how. His teeth sparkled. The ever-popular Janice was among them, and she answered back, "Hello Prez. What brings you to this god-awful storyline?" "Never mind that, " he replied, saliva dripping from his mouth, "Can I pinch your cute butt? I haven't fondled a woman in hours!" Janice was taken aback of course, and immediately whipped out her remote control... | |
| A rich woman leaned forward to Roberto, her ex-husband. She wore golden pearls made of ivory, and she had a sweet fragrence added to her. She held a picture of her daughter, Amanda, up and screamed. "YOU KILLED HER!" the rich woman screamed. Almost as if on cue, the door slammed open. | |
| Then a woman with no name came screaming through the door. "What the hell is wrong with you people!" she shrieked. "Don't you ever read what has already been written prior, in an effort to make the story go smoothly and have just the least bit of continuity??" Then the woman with no name bolted out the door while mumbling something incoherently under her breath. Everyone was silent. Then... | |
| She pressed the first button and the American President instantly transformed into a giant Portuguese Man of War jelly fish, jiggling helplessly in a slimey heap on the pavement. Janice was instantly surrounded by a dozen Secret Service Agents who grabbed her and wrestled her to the ground. The agents tried to get the evil remote control from Janice but she had already pressed several buttons. A tornado blew by and dropped several mobile homes several of the secret service agents. The Spice Girls appeared and carried off the rest. A dayglo green convertable '65 Mustang towing an airstream trailer screeched to a halt 30 yards from where Janice was picking herself up off the ground. "C'mon, girlfriend, let's go!" Vashondra Du Lunchenette called out to Janice. Clutching the evil remote control tightly to herself, Janice ran to Vashondra's car and jumped into the back seat. "Punch it!" she said. Vashondra did as she was told and screeched away from the scene. | |
| It was Lila, leading her younger brothers and sisters through the door. Lila was the oldest of all the children, at age 21. She possessed a sacred power that no one else could possess (except for Stephanie). Brandon looked triumph. He was 17, and a spirited young hunter. Brianna and Kory leaned on the doorway. They were twins, at age 13. Brianna was 3 minutes older than Kory. Melvin was jumping up, trying to see through everyone. Melvin was only 7, but he was as smart as Einstein. He invented the Woookie-scrubber, a little gadget the Renis' used. Stephanie was floating in mid-air, chanting a sacred spell. She was only 5 and a half, but she used her powers well. And last, Jenny ran in, giggling. She was only 2 and three quarters. Roberto jumped and ran out of the house. The rich woman screamed. "Thatmanalwaysruinsmylifeheneverevergoesawayihatethatman!" the rich woman shook her head. Stephanie looked up. "That will be the end of that, Miss Schok." Stephanie closed her eyes. Miss Schok was gone in a POOF. Lila looked around. "Roberto has captured our three brothers and Renee!" Lila almost yelled. The children scrambled all over the house. Alast, Melvin found them. Anna was hiding, age 6. Kirk, age 9, Chris, age 11 and a half. Donny age 12, and Renee age 11. They went back home. Chris and Renee pulled out a piece of paper. Donny took out a pen. Lila looked confused. Renee caught her glance. "We're writing our biographies." Renee explained. Lila smiled. Jenny liked playing with toys, and didn't really understand a whole lot. Brandon and Chris LOVED sports. They hated work. Melvin loved to invent things, and he loved work. Jonathon was 20, and he was fat and ugly with lots of pimples. He really HATED work. Kory and Brianna liked sports, crafts, were okay with working, and they loved ice cream. Anna liked to whine and complain, and loved to get others in trouble, and was a real pest. Stephanie spent most of her time chanting and making up spells with Lila. Donny was a practical joker, and he loved playing tricks on people. Renee loved to read, and she was cute and practical. She liked school, and she was sensitive and shy. Kirk spent most of his time staring at the computer, playing with Joel, or hanging out with Melvin. Lila felt a tug on her dress. It was Kirk. "Can I play with Joel? Please?" Kirk pleaded. Lila almost laughed, but it came out a burp. "Sure. But he can come over here. Let Kristen play with Stephanie, and I'll call them." Lila said. She went to the phone. While, at Janice's house, they were installing a pool. Janice could barely hear the phone ring. "Hello?" Janice nearly shouted through the phone. Lila made the phone louder with her powers. "Hi, Jan. It's me, Lila. Is it okay if you could come over with Joel and Kristen? Stephanie would love to play with Kristen, and Kirk is sacrificing himself to God if he can play with Joel." Lila said. She could hear Janice laughing. "Sure thing. I'll be there in a half an hour. I need some one to watch Terrence and Dianne." Janice said. Lila squinted. When she squinted, that meant she was thinking. "How about Brandon? He's 17." Lila suggested. Janice smiled. "Good idea! Okay, how should we do this?" Janice asked. LATER ON................. "Hey, Joel! Do you want to see Melvin's new gadget? It's so cool! It's a time traveling machine!" Kirk asked Joel excitedly. Joel frowned. He went over to Janice. "Mom. There's no excitement. I wanna go home." Joel whined. Janice sighed. Lila squinted. "I can take care of that. Melvin's time traveler machine holds 20 people, so it won't be crowded. Let's go!" Lila said. Everyone got up. They went into Melvin's time traveling machine. After two cramping hours, the doors opened. Everyone gasped. They were in the............ | |
| future, precisely two hours into the future. "You call that time travel?" Joel said. "Yes. We traveled two hours into the future." Melvin said proudly. "Yeah, but it took two hours to do it! That's not time travel you idiot!" Joel said rolling his eyes. "Language!" Janice admonished. "I suppose you could do better!" the nerdy Melvin whined. "As a matter of fact, I can." Joel reached into the 3 foot high strawberry blonde beehive hairdo of Vashondra du Lunchenette, who had just entered the room carrying an Avon bag, and pulled out a small black box. He opened up the back of Melvin's so called time machine and attached the black box inside. "Now, I'll show some real time travel! Everybody in!" Joel and Melvin entered first, followed by Stephanie, Brandon, Janice and Kristen, Lila and Jenny, Brianna and Kory, Donny, Jonathon, Kirk, Tererenc and Dianne, Roberto, Chris, Renee and finally Vashondra. "There are way to many people in here!" she said as she slid the door closed behind her. Melvin pushed a small red button and the machine began to vibrate and hum. There was a flash of blinding light and a puff of smoke and then the door slid open again. Vashondra peaked her head out the door, being careful not to muss her miraculous do, and looked around. "Um, Melvin," she said nervously. "I think you better push that little red button again. And quickly!" | |
| Melvin shook his head. "As precise timing should go, we should all listen to me." Melvin said. Brianna groaned. "Melvin, you make no sense!" Brianna frowned. Kirsten whispered something in Stephanie's ear. Stephanie giggled. "Melvin, you ARE no sense!" Kirsten choked back laughter. Lila stamped her foot. Everybody's heads snapped to attention. "We are in the dark ages. The time of killing, murder, and no sense. Melvin, listen to Vashondra. Push the red button." Lila commanded. Melvin showed Lila his worst puppy face. Kirk shook his head. "Melvin, you jerk! Push the damn red button!" Kirk pushed his way to the red button and slammed hard on it. Janice's eyes nearly bulged out of her head. "Kirk! What language! I know we're in the dark ages!" Janice said. Lila shook her head. Melvin nearly cried. He got up, and removed the small black box. He smashed it to pieces. Joel yelled,"NOOO! IT TOOK ME FIVE YEARS TO BUILD THAT!!" Joel almost burst out in tears. Only a few tears managed to escape from his eyes. Roberto started fading away. Renee swiped at Roberto. Her hand went right through him. "What's happening?" Renee said nervously. Stephanie studied Roberto for a minute, hand on chin, squinting. Stephanie gasped. "Melvin! We needed that black box! Stop the travel! Stop it! Stop it!" Stephanie said. Kirk slammed on the black button labeled STOP. The soothing vibration and the sweet hum stopped. The door opened. Stephanie started to explain:" | |
| 'Melvin is just trying to express his frustration' | |
| "Expressing his frustration my ass!," shouted Kristi. "Like it or not I'm going to kick your butt, Melvin! What kind of lame nerdy poindexter name is that anyway??!!". She pulled out her machete and waved it in Melvin's face menacingly. | |
| Anna started crying. Janice look at her sorrowfully. "What's wrong?" Janice knelt down next to her. Anna looked up through tears. "Where are we?" Anna whispered. Lila looked around. They were in a deep forest, with dripping wet leaves. Janice shrugged helplessly. Brianna sighed. Kory sighed. Stephanie's face was questioning. Renee looked up at Lila, and then down at Stephanie. "You don't know where we are, do you?" Renee whispered. | |
| AND NOW BACK TO THE STORY! Abby woke up in the room of her crush. She looked around. She saw Christian, her crush, NAKED! Then, the door slammed open, it was..... | |
| It was Lila. "You weirdos! Do you think this story will possibly be INTRESTING! Besides, it only lasts a sentance!" Lila shouted. Stephanie closed her eyes. Abby and Christian popped into pieces of fairy dust. Stephanie opened her eyes. The pieces of fairy dust was on fire! Jenny ran over and started spitting at the fire. It burned out. "You know, can we go to the all nude thing on broadway with naked ladies?" Jonathon asked, squeezing one of his pimples. Brianna squealed. "Eeeww! Jonathon! You're disgusting!" Kory stuck out her toungue. Renee gasped in horror. "What? What?" Brandon asked. Renee just gaped at Stephanie. She was becomeing limpid, transparent. Lila just smiled. "Stephanie's turning into a mist. But she will decide if she wants to become an angel, settle in some one's body, or just become a spirit. If she's a spirit, she can do anything, and she can change from an angel and back. Then she'll just be limpid." Lila explained. Puffs of white smoke puffed out from around Stephanie. Everyone smiled. She had become.... | |
| a girl. She was still a girl. But now she knew everything. "Hmmmmm..." she muttered, "theres too many people in this story!" Kristi and Joel immediately agreed. Then Vashondra agreed too, "I can't possibly look after Stephanie, Lila, Jenny, Jonothon, Brrianna, Kory, Renee, Bradon, Kristi, Joel, Melvin, i think theres a few more, AND my beuatiful 3 ft strawberry blonde hair do at the same time!" Janice just smiled. She had a plan, and it was a very evel plan but it would get things back to normal!! "Where are we?" she asked suddenly. "Dinosaur forest," said Stephanie. "I thought so!" said Janice who was really very smart. "You stay here in the time machine, you're not immortal," she said to Vashondra, Bitz, and Patrick. Stephanie knew the plan of course, but somehow knowing everything made her incapable of telling anyone anything, so she just said, "can I stay too?" Janice reluctantly said yes. Then she led everyone to a T. rex's den and yelled "HEY T.REX!!!!!!! COME EAT US!!!!!!!!!" She knew she and Kristi and Joel and Jeremy would just pop up somewhere else in the story and regroup with the other four who were at the tme machine. Being immortal was fun. JUST THEN the T. rex | |
| The t-Rex hungirely licked his mouth with his tounge saliva dribbling down onto the ground. The t-rex charged after the fleeing humans, it grabbed at one brought it near to its mouth. The human was screaming and looked like it was going to faint Suddenly it frooze, there in the distance something was approaching... | |
| It couldn't make out what was coming nearer every second... The blood was pooring from a puncture in it's abdomen over his eyes not enabling him to see. His body got cold and numb, but his head was turning bright red from the slow,painful decapitation that was accuring. | |
| He fell. Lila ran over and gasped. He turned into a swan. A little devil swan. All the immortal people-Lila Stephanie Janice Dianne Terrence Kory Brianna (Lila and Steph recently gave them a bit of their powers and turned them immortal just like Jenny and Renee)and Donny died, he was immortal. Everyone gasped. Chris pointed a finger at the swan. Sparks flew out of his fingers. He gaped. "Huh?" Chris was confused. Lila and Stephanie smiled. "Welcome, family! Everyone's immortal! Kory, Brianna, Jenny, and Renee were just not going to be immortal, so we had to give them some of our powers. But now everyone is immortal!" Lila gave Chris a big dopey grin. Nobody noticed that the swan had turned into a blood sucking, saliva dripping dragon. Dianne turned around. She saw the dragon. She.... | |
| gasped in surprise the little dragon crawled up and chomped down on her flesh she cried and stared down the bone was splintered and the blood flowed to the gorund she fell to the gorund, basking in her own blood, seething in pain. Everyone just stared unable to move. The dragon quickly climbed up to her back and sunk his teeth in so deep they hit her spinal cord. Paralising her for life. The pain of the bites proved to her this was no dream. | |
| Of course, she knew it wasn't a dream. Why would she dream such a horrible thing? The fantastic beast tossed Dianne up into the air. She fell down into the monster's open mouth and slid right down his gullet. She'd been swallowed whole! And just after she had become immortal, which meant she would have to live for the rest of this creature's life inside his stomach, with stomach acid burning away her constantly rejuvenating skin. By now, Dianne was becoming depressed at the thought of her bleak future. Suddenly, a huge sword sliced through her fleshy prison. A pair of hands pulled open the cut and Dianne could see the silhouette of a person. The sun shone behind him so she couldn't see his face. "Dianne, are alright?" the voice said. Dianne recognized the voice and she squeezed herself out of the dragon's belly through the slice her rescuer had made. "Oh Patrick!" she cried, "I love you!" She fell into his arms and all the other people who stood around watching and who were too numerous to name at this time, began to cheer. "Will you marry me?" Patrick asked. "Yes! Yes! Yes!" Dianne squealed. "Is anyone here a minister?" Patrick asked the crowd. "Why, I happen to be a minister of the Universl Live Church." Vashondra du Lunchenette stepped forward. "I can perform that ceremony." But before Vashondra had even gotten her ceremony manual out of her three foot high strawberry blonde beehive hairdo,... | |