Chapter 4
| The Story | The Authors |
|---|---|
| Sherman's younger brother, Reginald came home then and Katie was instantly attracted to him. Katie couldn't help but stare at Reginald, and before she knew what she was doing, she had thrown herself at Reginald and was kissing him passionately | |
| Reginald had been away for 5 years working in Belarus perfecting a vaccine for fur balls, and while in Belarus had come across an elephant named Fluffy whom he'd brought home with him | |
| Fluffy was about fifteen foot tall, and loved chocolate ( dont most elephants) But this didnt really bother Reginald, who owned half of a chocolate factory in Surry. With the cure for fur balls safely under his belt, he decided it was time for a new aim in life. After a while spent pondering the moves available to him, he decided it was time to seek proffesional help. | |
| After seeking the advice of a professional, Reginald decided that a career change was what he needed. With the help of Fluffy and Fluffy's friend Harry the Iguana, Reginald sat down to think about his new career | |
| After weeks of sitting in his living room eating Burger King chicken burgers the three of them got up and rang Katie that crazy girl that had thrown herself at him a few weeks before, all of them hopped into Sherman's car and headed for Hollywood | |
| When they got to Hollywood, Reginald published a book called 101 ways to use frozen bananas, Fluffy starred in infomercials selling imitation ivory jewellery, Harry became the best movie director in Hollywood (better than Speilberg and Cameron even) and Katie decided that Reginald was in fact pretty boring so she went back to Sherman and they got married, had 3 kids, 2 fish and a rabbit named Fred and lived happily ever after in Bolivia | |
| After a while Reginald began to feel lonely, Fluffy had married a lovely elephant named Hilarie and they already had 2 baby elephants, Fluffy Jr and Rita. Harry had met a messy end on the set of his latest movie when he was squished between 2 giant hamburgers (the movie was called Attack of the giant hamburgers you see). So Reginald was all alone, but one day he met up with Hugh Hefner in the Supermarket and after that Reginald wasn't lonely any more | |
| before you ask, no i don't have a life :o) | |
| it was quite a trip and Russell wasn't sure if it was live or acid that was the reason for what happened. Still as he gingerly looked around his room, everything seemed normal, well considering the mess, his mother swore that he had stuff growing under his bed, and since this last dream/nightmare, acid trip ( please let it not be real) he felt he must have inhaled some spores from some alien fungus that was the result of old dirty socks mating with pizza that was mutating into something that could only be described on a segment of the x files. | |
| its a shame that he nevered seemed to get the girl, not even in his dreams, i mean even the worlds worst loser has got to win sometimes. It was time to get serious. Time to ask for some extra terrestrial help, according to his last reading when he had called the psychic connection they told him his life was hopeless and the only way out was a miracle delivered by god, or whatever archetypical deity by proxy he happened to have faith in. not wanting to take any chances with the supernatural, he immediately went to the closest metaphysical store, made friends with a few wiccans, druids, and ceremonials of secretive but magickal persuasions,visited a catholic church was blessed by a priest and had hands among other things laid on his body by the local born again contingent. armed with all this, a pentacle, seal of solomon and his rubber ducky skylar, Russell set about to change his luck. | |
| Russell never felt the bullet enter his head, nor did he hear the short, muffled sound of the gun. He neither tasted the blood that poured out of the hole in his head and onto his lips or see the face of the man who just ended his life. The only thing Russell knew at this point was that his short, pathetic, life was finally over. | |
| The man lowered the gun. He knew Russell had to die. He kept rationalising it. To be honest, killing a person never had this effect on him before. It was always just a job, the people mere targets. Russell was different. Russell had the unique distinction of crossing the two lines of a Professional killer. A Professional never killed an innocent and never made it personal. Russell was both. If it wasn't for Russell, the man would still be alive tomorrow. Russell had a disease and unknowingly gave it out. The man hailed a cab. He could already feel the sweat starting to pour from his forehead. He loosened the tie and unbuttoned his collar. It was starting. | |
| The proffesional killer (named Gary) decided that he shouldn't have killed Russel. Russel was Gary's girl friend's boy friend. Did that mean that he should be treated like family? Or that Gary had done the right thing, beause now his girl friend would not have another boy, and be forced to love him? Or was it neither? Well in any case Gary was feeling pretty guilty. He tried to console himself by believing that the second choice was true, and asked his girl friend out on a date. "NO WAY!!!!!!" she shouted. "You killed my boyfriend!!!" She kicked him in the nuts. Gary went home and started feeling even more guilty by the muinite. By the time his girl friend called back to say that she would date him if he made a speech at Russel's funeral, (and she'd even marry him if they got divorced later and Gary wentto jail) he was so covered in sweat that he dropped the receiver ten times and the girl friend humg up because she thought he was "kicking" her, over the phone. Gary went to Russel's funeral. His girl friend saw him there and thought he wanted to date her. Gary was literally swimming in sweat, he was so guilty. But the girl friend needed glasses and the corner Gary was in was dark, so she had no way of knowing. The next day she called him. His mom answered the phone and said no, Gary couldn't come on a date because he had drowned. The girl friend, whose name was Kate, was very sad, she had begun to like Gary. =~0( | |
| So Gary finally could date someone.Kate was nice but Gary kinda hated her coz she had a whiny voice. | |
| So Gary finally could date someone.Kate was nice but Gary kinda hated her coz she had a whiny voice. | |
| It was all a illusion. Did he really exist all? Do any of us? He trembled thinking of Russell. Ba-Boom Ba-Boom his heart felt heavy within his chest. He could not believe what he had done. The room begin to sway and all that was before him became distorted. He reached for the corner of the bed hoping to brace himself before he fell. It was to late...he tumbled to the floor his head exploding with searing pain. There were bells, always bells as he layed in the fetal position on the floor. His selfish acts of aggression... his blatant disregard for all but himself was upon him now. He struggled to reach the nightstand. He could see his prescription through the haze. He needed it now like no other time in his life. He stretched as he crawled forward calling upon God for help. | |
| Oh please let me be able to get out. With a shadowed figure come closer he could hear the footsteps. He was scared with all his might he lept up. And thanked God it was only his mom. | |
| His mom was very angry. She sued him. | |
| His mom was very angry. She sued him. | |
| She sued him for $1 000 000, but he only had $100 000 in his bank account. So he was tortured. "Why would my own mom do this to me??" he asked himsef. He felt himself changing, growing fur.... Then everything stopped. He had turned into a lion!! He tried to complain, but all he could do was GROWWWWWLLL..... Then he got really mad and roared. The people didn't like all the noise, so they changed him into a small deer. He was OK for a while, even when they turned him loose in the forest. And then the hunt began. | |
| STAG PARTY | |
| stag party?? | |
| All the time i think about that stag party that some one was talking about! I wander if it will be fun or not. that is pretty wered not knowing that. I still think carolyn is on this thing to much. I guess it is her living? I think that is ok . So what is a stag party? | |
| I could have sworn it was Thuresday, hmm....well Friday is ok all the same. | |
| I had waken and really thought is was Thursday..hmm...I love Fridays though so it is okay with me. Judy Yeah! Really? I can't believe it's not butter! | |
| Thats the commercial I remember something like that! I guess? Antway Maggie asked me to the dance but I knew she wanted my Jonathan so I would get her back and refuse and say Jonathan had asked me! | |
| I thought in the darkness in my room. Alone. The wndchill was swaying through and for an instance I though I heard footsteps. I really hoped is wan't my older brother...he was mad whoever it was and breathing hard..very..I was scared... very........What the hell should I do now? Where should I go should I run? | |
| I thought for a instance should I ? Or would it be to stupid and get my self in trouble I was so scared it was horer! I thought to my self you will be ok you will be ok. I was not ok though! | |
| Well would this be what i hoped it would be oh PLEASE OH PLEASE It was the only thing I could say in my head. WEll It was the worst I thought At that hopur of the time. I realy I realy I realy Hope it was my brother. I realy hope It was . Eyes were pering at me now. I was so scared it was not him. Oh please let it be him oh please. I thought that so many times. Oh he is getting closer and closer. I hoped that he would tern on the light and just say time to wake up.. | |
| and see my dog | |
| I'd love to see my dog. Wait a muinite I don't have one! I don't have one! I don't ave one! I don'tve one! I don'e one! I don one! I doone! I dne! I e! I! Am I going crazy or not? | |
| Of course I am not crazy just confused...if only.... | |
| i could work out | |
| So I went to the GYM. | |
| This story does not make any sense. There is Gary,Russel,Kate,and a guy who likes his dog soooo much so that he went to the GYM. | |
| -Never call an umpire a 'blind asshole', never say 'because i said so to a kid with a gun', Never wish a bingo player good luck, never a MLB pitcher a dickhead, Never spit on the pope's shoes. - Never piss into a light socket, Never scratch your head with a chainsaw, never throw pebbles at a military office, Never whip your dick out in front of a nympho. - Never stick salami up your rear end, never stick a fork in there either, Never visit any town called castration. | |
| Never screw with one eye closed and one eye open, for you will see only half of what you want. | |
| Half of what you want is right, Every one should know that now. Never never | |
| never ever again will I tell that to anyone again. . .I mean, please!! I told her not to tell, but did she listen? Nope, not for a second. Was it always her plan to ruin my entire life? Guess so | |
| hmm...was all i thought... | |
| was the day clear and hot or was a storm building upon the horizon.. | |
| A storm was building up on the horizon! DUH! | |
| it eyed in on the innocent. they watched and they waited. children cried as parents prepared. for their inevitable doom. | |
| The end of time had come. . .it mattered not now who had believed in post- millinium, becuase here it was happening now. I had always believed in pre- millinium and was glad to see I was right, however I was not so thrilled to see that the truth was that I was stuck here on earth while my Christian friends were wisked to Heaven. I could hear screams all up and down the road and I watched as cars collided with one another, becuase at least half were driverless now. The man the whole world had turned to now was on the TV screen telling us all that he was Christ (so this guy's the anti-Christ). I all of a sudden wish I'd went with my friends to church and belived in being a Believer. . . | |
| But my wishing could do nothing for me now. It had taken the end of the world for me to believe, and know it was too late for me. Would I be condemmed to Hell, or would I walk the word eternaly with all of the others who had not seen the light of Christ? As I walked the streets filled with the screams of the people trapped in the burning cars, a man stepped in front of me. He was old and wrinkled with frosty-white hair, and a beard that reached his stomach. He told me: I am but a servant of God. I have been chosen to lead the ones who did not belive to the way of God. I am one of the seven that have been chosen by the Lord. Follow me and you shall be redemed. | |
| I could do nothing but follow him because I deperately wanted to get to heaven. I wanted to roam the skies with other fellow christians.The old man took me to a tree in the nearby park that was burning.The whole park was on fire except for this magnificent tree. It was completely protected from the fire,the only dry spot in this park of flames.The man bade me to sit under this tree with him. He started by telling me that I had to wash away my sins.....in other words,do something worthy before I could be free.I was supposed to save a soul. As I pondered this over,I realised that I had no shortage of souls to save.So many were suffering in the streets. | |
| So naturally I went and tried to save some people. But I didn't get far because everything around me was burning, on fire. I'm still sitting in that tree, wondering how to get away. Oh cool this guy is walking through the flames. Oh no he has a 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999.999999999999999 power gun and wow cool its so big HELP ITS POINTED AT MEUuyf,j,m,hf (later) OK now I'm in this really weird place. I'm not sure if it's Heaven, Hell, or some place in between. I got here so fast, I didn't even feel anything. I guess that's the thing about 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999.999999999999999 power guns. They're so powerful you don't feel the ZAP. Anyway I'd better tell what happened since I left off. | |
| i was in the middle of singing a song when this guy came up w/ that huge gun pointed right at me. how was i going to get out of this one? | |
| I jumped out of the tree and ran. I even ran on top of the fire. I ran all the way home and locked the door, but the man with the gun was still there. So I | |
| Hide I said to my self it was the only thing I could think to do. I was so scared I could be dead Any second. So I hid. And | |
| I peeked out from under the bed. Yikes, he was still here. With his gun. Say who was this guy anyway? Well I couldn't ask him. He'd shoot me. Oh what the heck maybe if he did that I could go to Heaven real quick. Or maybe not. He started to turn his head. This decision would shape my destiny. Should I duck back under the bed? | |
| I THOUGHT BAYBE I DID NOT KNOW. I RELY DONT KNOW WHO HE IS. AND I DO HOPE IWILL GO TO HEAVEN WELL I KNOW I WILL BECAUSE I AM A CHRISTIAN. SO I THOUGHT THEN? | |
| Kelly stepped up to Gracie. "Maybe we should go." she said. Gracie gave her a look. " Fine,fine!" Kelly's nose went straight into the air. Gracia stomped away. Gracia was the most popular and beautiful girl in Greatiguede High. Kelly, referring to Gracie, was just a 'tag along'. Kelly was known as Kel, and Gracina was always 'the Grace'. Kel collected Beanie Babies. She had exactly 306 beanie babies. Kel went home. " Hi, Gracie." Kel picked up her small stuffed swan. "Oh, Gracie." Kel hugged her. " Too bad you aren't alive." Kel sighed. "Well, I am." Kel dropped the beanie baby. Samantha rolled over. What a weird dream! She stepped out of bed. At school.......... " Hi, Sam." She looked up. "Oh, hi, Steve." Sam planted a kiss on his cheek. In Steve's room............ Sam started dancing with Steve. Slowly, Steve started to take off Sam's shirt. Then he unhooked her bra. Sam pulled down her pants and underpants. Steve pulled down his pants. It was just Sam who was totally naked. Steve just had a shirt and underpants on. | |
| It was then that, without warning the police barged into the room, knocking the door completely of its hinges. "NOBODY MOVE YOU LOWLIFE SCUM" shouted one of the police officers, while another opened fire, killing both sam and steve. " shit, wrong house" said the first officer. | |
| The police arrested themselves and sent themselves to jail for life. | |
| Unbeknownst to them, they were put in a cell with master criminal Hogo Fogo, who was plotting a masterful escape from the maximum security prison. | |
| Hogo Fogo killed all the prison workers, without sounding the alarm. Then everyone got out of prison. The Unabomber blew up the White House and OJ Simpson got the President's Wife, who was outside. All the other criminals did equally evil things. It was total chaos until....... | |
| Samuy sosa came he was famouse in a lot of stuff when oj took te the first wife. samy went and ran after him and got her back there was a lot to do now. he brought the first wife to a safe place called the............................. | |
| It was called the Death Place because it was haunted by zombies. Every hour they would come out and prey on anything that had ventured into the death place. O.J. went to work. He tied up the first wife and ran away. Just then, it was 4:00. | |
| "What the hell...how Can I go to work", thought O.J. I don't have a job! Maybe I'll go see what Nicole is up too....no I can't do that! I will go to Mickey D's for preakfast at 4AM, I hope they open early.. When he arrived the waitress says we have pancakes muffins cornbread wheatbread frenchtoast regular coffee or black and OJ we are out of the back kind but have plenty of the Orange! So what do ya want it to be? | |
| Look, the OJ thing is just a tad old, don't you think? Change of story. . . Kate really liked this guy named Aaron*, but he was going out (for the second time after a horrid break-up) with Liz*. Kate was sure Liz was not right for Aaron, but there was nothing she could do. Then one day, while Kate was standing in the back of the church, she noticed Aaron walking towards her. He looked her way, smiled and went to walk past her. "Wait," she said, "She'll never make you happy." Aaron frowned, "And you would?" he asked. Kate slyly smiled as she opened the door to the woman's bathroom, "Come in and find out." she said. Aaron walked slowly towards her and. . . Oops. . . forgot to say this: * means, names have been changed so if someone I know reads this, they'll never know that it was really about someone that they know or maybe even really about me. Anyways, continue the story | |
| Aaron walked slowly towards her and into that place of acrid ammonia smells littered with spent wrappings. "Mmm, just my idea of a romantic interlude." he whispers under his breath. Liz trips around the corner. "oops, gosh, I hope red wine doesn't stain..." | |
| "Yuck!!" said Liz. "Red wine in the washroom?" Disgusted, she grabbed it out of Aaron's hand and poured it down the toilet. "See?" said Kate."She'll never make you happy." Aaron was very confused until... | |
| he realized that they were actually on the set of a television sitcom. "Hey," he said,"You should pulled one off on me. Now it is my turn!" | |