Chapter 1
| The Story | The Authors |
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| Everyone went insane and shot themselves, all except the little elephant called fluffy, who was too stupid to shoot himself. He belonged to Cups, but was given to Cups by a girl, who, by indirect love, loved everyone, and had. Since Kervorkian wasn't in town, they had to sit in a circle and point their guns at the person to their right. They were all stoned out of their mind, and when Rapheilla tried to hit the elephant, she missed. But before she could try again, she died. So fluffy was left all alone, except for the blowup doll that had belonged to all of their mother. They were all brother and sister. | |
| Meanwhile, back on the farm, Mullajoo ate bacon. He thought he was the only survivor on earth, but then a little elephant called fluffy (he knew this my the clairvoyant abilities brought by lack of water) ran into his kitchen. 'Hello.' Said fluffy. 'Go away.' said Mullajoo. 'What kind of name is Mullajoo?' 'What kind of name is fluffy?' 'I want Milk Duds.' Now they were companions on journey to find milk duds, a journey that would lead ll the way to the grocery store !!!! Later they watched some television. | |
| they decided to watch buffy the vampire slayer. afterwards they went for a walk and met up with piggy the lemure. with his their telepathic abilities, they all sang barbie girl, silently of course. | |
| But always, she could not contain herself from laughing after "Lana Turner" in LA Confidential. | |
| She knew she had some kind of serious obsessive-compulsive problem as she looked down at the blood-stained and gruesome chest of her sister, whom she had inadvertantly stabbed to death with a dirty kitchen knife. "Why does LA Confidential give me such a headache?" she mused absent-mindedly. | |
| "Oh well, I'll just shove this pesky dead body into the closet where it won't always be in the way. We have a game tomorrow, and as a Show Assistant I must be ready to wear strange costumes, run around crazily, and fall down." | |
| She thought to herself, "I'll start a new story... | |
| Once there was a girl named Joanna who lived on a space ship. Once the space ship exploded! Joanna and her friends Kim and Ramona were the only survivors.... | |
| They flew through space, and all Joanna could think about was how lucky they were to have been wearing their space suits at that exact moment. She was oblivious to everything, so she didn't notice the weird purple gas coming closer.. The next thing Joanna knew, she was lying on an asteroid. "Finally you're awake!" said Kim. "but we have to get out of here quick because...." | |
| Just then the ground beneath them shook. As Joanna clutched at the rock, she heard a huge roar. "What was that?" she asked Kim. "I was trying to tell you! There's something ELSE on this asteroid and it's looking for US! I think it thinks we're food. Let's get out of here," Kim exclaimed quickly. "But how, where are we going to go?...Wait a minute, I think I see a cave over there. Let's hide in it!" | |
| They all darted into the cave, but something was wrong. Ramona was the first to finure it out. "THIS is where the monster came from! We've just walked into its lair!" she exclaimed. | |
| No one liked this, so they allran to the entrance to the cave. But what was this? "We can't get out!" cried Joanna. "It's some kind of force feild!" replied Kim. Ramona said nothing. She was frozen with fear! The three girls tried to get out, because the monster was coming closer and closer... | |
| suddenly it stopped. It said "I'm not realy mean.people just think I am because I look scary." It got them out of the force field and they started balk home not knowing what wouldhappen next.... | |
| "Wait a minute" said Joanna. "We can't go home, home is on the space ship and it exploded! We will have to go somewhere else. "Some of my friends might eat you," said the monster. You'll have to figure out a way to get past them. I'm the nicest of the lot, so you're lucky you ran into me first!" The girls nodded. They had been VERY lucky so far, and this was only the beginning. | |
| As they were trying to think of an idea, the monster had a very interesting idea. "To help you out, we could disguise you as monsters and maybe someone would help us. Not knowing, of course that you were not monsters." The girls nodded in agreement. Now they had to figure out how they would diguise the girls. | |
| They smeared dirt all over each others faces and hands. Then they sprinkled red dust over their clothes and mussed up their hair so that it stood straight up. "Now all we have to do is walk kind of funny and make strange noises, and maybe everyone will think we are monsters," said Kim. "I hope this plan works," said the monster worriedly. | |
| 'Yes' Said Kim. 'Okay let's go.' At that very moment the monster felt a terrible rumbling in it's stomach. It bent down on it's hands and knees. 'Are you okay, monster buddy?' 'I think it was that bowl of nachos and cheese i had last night, on top of those sixty eight thousand bottles of imported beer!' Kim but a hand on her chin. They would need a new plan. All of a sudden a wonderful idea hit kim. 'Of course, she said. Why didn't we think of it before!' The monster looked up into kim's beautiful blue eyes. 'What?' | |
| "Yes, what?" asked Ramona and Joanna. | |
| "Do you still have those sixty thousand empty beer bottles?" Kim asked the monster. "Yes," said the monster. "Why??" "Well," said Kim, "we can glue them all together and make a little space ship. It won't be big enough to live in, but we can use it to get to another asteroid where there are no monsters!" "Great Idea!" said Ramona and the monster. Joanna wasn't so sure. "We don't have anything to glue them together with!" she pointed out. Kim wasn't about to admit her idea wouldn't work, but Joanna did have a point. " "We'll use....umm..." Just then Ramona came to her rescue. "We'll use.... | |
| these handy little lead pipes. If we put them together with the beer bottles, we'll have wonderful little ship. As for glue, no problem...our dear monster friend happens to be covered in a thick blue goo in case you haven't noticed!" So our friends swiftly finished the space ship and were soon off to the neighboring asteroid in the galaxy of Smirnoff. The ship lands with a great crash. As our courageous adventurers emerge from amidst the rubble... | |
| they made sure to first call the subspace "800" number to Pan-Galatic Insurance(a Microsoft company) to report the wreck of the spaceship and to obtain the location of the closest "Rent a Space Wreck" (a Microsoft company) starship rental. The helpful person at the other end of the line directed them to... | |
| a weird guy who said his name was.... | |
| Zaphod Beeblrnox. He told them not to worry, their space ship would not be needed again. After all, hardly anyone left this asteroid. "Wow!" said Joanna. "That probably means that the asteroid is so good that.. "Wait a second!" said Ramona. "Didn't you hear that guy? He said, 'Hardly anyone leaves this place....alive.' You just said, 'Wow!' at the tame time he said 'alive.'" "Uh oh....." said Joanna and Kim. Ramona exclaimed,"We've got to get OFF this asteroid before we end up ON something's dinner plate..or worse." All three girls shuddered. "But how will we do that?" asked Joanna. "Our space ship is ruined, and no one is here to help us, or even know how we can escape!" "Speaking of ideas," said Kim. "I have one..." | |
| Before she could say what her idea was, the three girls heard a ROAR and a BURP! They ran for their lives an darted into the nearest cave, where they heard voices.One was high and one was low. "I'm hungry. Why don't we get something to eat??" said one. "That's a good idea. Let's check the fridge." "No. I'll go hunt for it." "Okay." The girly were petrefied. THEY were probably food, as far as the monsters were concerned. Joanna loved bacon, but she had never thought how pigs felt about ut until now... | |
| Joanna pushed the thought out of her mind. It was too horrible. They had survived the exploding spaceship, the purple gas, the small space ship crashing. And now, it would end, for her and the other girls. Visions of her childhood raced through her head. "NO....." She leaned againtst the wall wick blocked her view. She thought breifly of using the only escape route, but it was too dangerous, because it led towards the monsters. Joanna felt the wall give way beneath her. She fell with it. It seemed as if she was still falling. Her whole body was numb. She heard someone calling, "Joanna! Joanna!" It's the voice of God, she thought. I'm entering heaven... wait, that wasn't God's voice. It sounded more like... Kim. Kim was calling her. "Joanna! You've found a secret door!" | |
| Everyone went through the secret door, where they met some young boys about their age. The boys rushed out and yelled," Finally a rescue! Thanks!" "Uh oh," said Kim. "If they want out of here, so should we." "No way!" said Ramona. "Anything is better than hiding in that cave, waiting for something to happen." "If you guys can't agree," said Joanna, "Maybe I can help." "You sure can," said Kim. "You can decide weither we stay in this nifty little secret cave or roam around all over this asteroid wondering if anything is sneaking up on us." "Hey!!" That was Ramona. "Well," said Joanna, I guedd we should...." | |
| We mustexplore the cave... THe cave of doom! shouted JOanna. Oh my god...Is that Barney the purple dinosaur back ther? | |
| "No," said Ramona. "That's.... A MONSTER!! We've got to get out of here!" | |
| The girls ran out of the cave, and decided they had GOT to get t another asteroid, or a planet, or SOMETHING, as long as there weren't any monsters there. "How are we going to get there?" asked Joanna. "Well," said Ramona, "Kim said she had an idea, but she didn't say what it was, becase just then we ran into a cave!" "I was hoping you'd ask that," said Kim. "My idea was that we could... | |
| Jummp onto the near asteroid. They jummped of teir asteroid and missed the other one. They fell through space....... | |
| "Kim," said Joanna, "I never thought I'd say this, but that was a very lousy idea. Now we're HELPLESS until we land on something, which won't be for a very long time." "At least there are no monsters going to eat us! I mean, do YOU know any that would fall through space forever (just like us) just for three meals?""I get your point," said Ramona, but we're the ones falling and WE don't even have ONE meal! and there's THREE of us!Joanna, it's YOUR turn to get us out of this.""Pardon me," said Joanna, "but what's that that looks like we're going to fall onto it?" Joanna couldn't see very well because her glasses had fallen off and now were gone forever!!"What's what?" replied Kim. "Oh, that. it's....AAAUGH! It's a star!" | |
| "Kim," said Joanna, "I never thought I'd say this, but that was a very lousy idea. Now we're HELPLESS until we land on something, which won't be for a very long time." "At least there are no monsters going to eat us! I mean, do YOU know any that would fall through space forever (just like us) just for three meals?""I get your point," said Ramona, but we're the ones falling and WE don't even have ONE meal! and there's THREE of us!Joanna, it's YOUR turn to get us out of this.""Pardon me," said Joanna, "but what's that that looks like we're going to fall onto it?" Joanna couldn't see very well because her glasses had fallen off and now were gone forever!!"What's what?" replied Kim. "Oh, that. it's....AAAUGH! It's a star!" | |
| HELP!!! | |