Chapter 3
| The Story | The Authors |
|---|---|
| Step aside, I must find my flock! | |
| He knew that if he didn't his poor sheep would be molested by Dennis Rodman....even a doughnut in a dress was not safe from him! | |
| I couldn't help notice that there was a dead, bald chinese man in his pocket | |
| I had to save him. It was my destiny. She told me so. . . Three years ago I visited a psychic. . . | |
| She told me to save him I must love him then kill him. | |
| And if I can't kill him myself, I must hire Amy Fischer to do it for me... | |
| but the chicken knows my plan . . . he has to go | |
| OKAY... I think you all are just writing a bunch of crap. We need something w/ a plot... | |
| it's easy said than done. | |
| Then Geoffrey looked behind to find a strange looking monster following his trails. The monster was looking very vicious with a huge single fang and human-like skin with tiger-like pattern all over. The monster was over 6ft tall and sudden;y he opened his mouth wide as if to eat him up. | |
| "My, aren't we savage today," Geoffrey observed. He batted his long glittery lashes and beckoned to the monster with one voluptuous finger. The monster quirked a large, hairy eyebrow at this unexpected summons, shifting nervously from foot to foot. "Come on, princess, don't be shy," said Geoffrey. Saucily he began to saunter toward the beast, which stood, transfixed and whimpering, as Geoffrey drew from his black leather satchel a whip and rhinestone-studded collar. | |
| Doubtless a scene of some scandal might have occurred just then, had not a wild-eyed blond woman perched on the back of a giant carnivorous bird burst through the sweltering foliage. "Stop, fool!" she cried. "Can't you see this monster is underage?" Geoffrey paused to gaze at the intruder. Her purple and pink Versace miniskirt uniform clearly marked her as an official Beast Warden of Dememtia National Forest Park Preserve. He glanced back at the quivering monster, in whose eyes large shiny tears had begun to well. Upon closer examination, he noticed that its claws were still retractable, a characteristic exclusive to young monsters. "Oh, blast," he said. "You're right." He turned back to the scantily-clad woman and her mount. "I must say, that's an extraordinary giant carnivorous bird you've got. I've never seen the like." She smiled and patted the bird's neck fondly. "He's an Urg," she said. "They represented carnal nature in Gabriel de Foigny's 'Terra Australe Connue,' if you're familiar with that work. I wrote my thesis about it in college." "Oh, I never bother with that sort of claptrap," said Geoffrey dismissively. "Science fictional utopian nonsense--Lawrence is more my style." "Doesn't surprise me," muttered the Beast Warden. The Urg responded with a ravishing "Aaawk!" and began to perform dressage moves on the leafy forest floor. | |
| Geoffrey watched for a moment, entranced, then noticed the beads of sweat trickling around his nostrils. "I say," he said, "would you care to come back to the club for a scotch and soda? It's beastly hot in this sweltering jungle." The woman, whose name was Pam, looked at him doubtfully, uncertain of whether she wanted to do anything with a man who harbored a preference for whips and D.H. Lawrence. The Urg, however, rumbled plaintively--he was tired, she knew, and grumpy for want of a pedicure. Who would have guessed that Urgs were so particular about foot hygiene? "All right," she agreed. "But if you try any funny business, Percival here will disembowel you." The Urg squawked once, and Geoffrey hastily started forward along the path. | |
| A marvelous sprite wondered out onto his path and said do you eat green leaf lettuce? | |
| The obvious answer would be no since anything green can't possibly be good for you, but that didn't stop him from taking a leaf or two. Shortly after eating the lettuce, the entire world felt as if it was spinning at thousands of miles per hour (which, of course, it was. That's just how the universe seems to work), and the sun began to go down behind the mountains creating a magnificant spectacle of colors (which also happens on a quite regular basis). It was these pecular facts, as well as the cute little mushrooms he had eaten prior, that led him to believe he was halucinating the whole thing. I mean, who ever heard of a MARVELOUS sprite anyways. That HAS to be figment of imagination. "MARVELOUS". Get real... | |
| I love meat more. | |
| Meanwhile in the big bad city, Gwyn and Brad were arguing about who should wash the dishes and why. Their encyclopaedic knowledge of psychology and sociology was utilised to full extent so their argument, if documented, would have been a good material for an outstanding essay. | |
| For all their arguing about trivial things, they were really trying to avoid the true problem they are facing. The problem being their incompability to live together has been going on for some time now. Gwyn and Brad are probably two people who are most unsuited to be sharing the same apartment. | |
| For all their arguing about trivial things, they were really trying to avoid the true problem they were facing. The problem being their incompability to live together had been going on for some time now. Gwyn and Brad were probably two people who were most unsuited to be sharing the same apartment. | |
| Who cares about your stupid dog? said Gwyn. She's been really fed up with what the clumsy dog had been doing around the apartment. | |
| So Gwyn tied it up one day, while noone was around... and stuffed it in the garbage disposal... the end... | |
| But that was not the end!! That sucked! In fact, this whole story sucks big time! | |
| You've got that right it sucked. In fact this whole planet suckes. And the people on it coulden't suck any more they are the suckyest that have ever sucked before. | |
| HA! HA! Got that right! People can't possibly suck any more than they do at this very moment in time. In fact, if time were somehow munipulated and haulted to a stand-still, it would pin-point the ablolute suckiest moment in all of history! People couldn't suck worse on the suckiest days of their lives with an electrified sucking machine!! How's THAT for suck! | |
| ....So said people who, absorbed in their own limited thought forget that this is NOT a chat-forum. Rather, this is a story generator. The group of responsible fun-loving net surfers demands this site to be what it is. If people have no creativity but to say a string of the word "suck" in various forms they'd either read some more books and watch less TV or go to some other site. | |
| ....So said people who, absorbed in their own limited thought forget that this is NOT a chat-forum. Rather, this is a story generator. The group of responsible fun-loving net surfers demands this site to be what it is. If people have no creativity but to say a string of the word "suck" in various forms they'd BETTER read some more books and watch less TV. | |
| "Right, exactly! I agree with you completely." shouted Tom in joy. Nicole was bewildered but in a way happy that Tom agreed. She remembered the first time they met and how she thought Tom was just a pretty face without much depth. She was wrong... | |
| or maybe she wasn't. Did she really know Tom? | |
| She might have seen him a couple of times but I don't really think she knew him. | |
| That turned out not to be important, because he knew her. "Well, ma'am, I finally got that wrench removed from your dog's rectum." The vet! She had forgotten all about her dalmation, Fido! "Shit," she thought, "I don't have enough money for a taxi." | |
| How on earth had fido gotten that wrench up his butt? Oh well no bother, it was out now. She thanked the vet, told him she didn't know how to pay him she was utterly broke. The vet told her not to worry about it, that if she'd treat him to dinner that night they'd call it even. She smiled and said she certainly would and that she'd meet him at seven at The Olive Garden. She left there, dropped Fido off at her house and went for a drive. She began to think again about Him. The one whom she knew but didn't know, the one who knew her. Tom. They'd met at a Christmas party last year that her best friend had thrown. Speaking of her bestfriend, she hadn't seen her in awhile, perhaps she should pay her a visit. But how could she with Fido recovering and her broke.. She needed some money. That's it, she needed to make some money. She thought of what she used to do in the old days when she was broke. No she thought, I'm passed all that now, I'm a new person. But. Then again maybe she wasn't...she did need the money. It was quick and easy. No harm done. NO she told herself harshly. But she did need the money. She thought suddenly of her dinner date that night and wondered how she'd ever be able to pay for it. She sighed, giving in, and walked slowly to the corner of Fifth and Main. She tryed to tell herself it wasn't so bad. A few tricks and she'd have enough and then she could leave. No, she couldn't kid herself. If she went back that was it, She wouldn't be able to get back out. Jeffrey had told her when she left that she wasn't to come back. If she came back, she stayed back. She had been good at her job and he couldn't aford to let her get away twice. No, it was best she just stayed away. But the needc for money called again and she found she could not stay away. | |
| "What the hell am I doing here?" she asked herself aloud. To her surprise, Jeffrey answered for her. "Finally came to your senses, huh, babe? Couldn't leave the money, could you?" He approached her with his exaggerated cowboy swagger. She instinctively backed away. "It's not like that at all, Jeff. In fact, I'm not coming back." "Really? Is that a fact?" As he replied he took her arm gently but firmly and turned her so that she was forced to face him. "Business has been bad since you left. Real bad." To accentuate the point he held out his left foot, which was barely covered by a worn-out sneaker. "It's not my place anymore, Jeff. I've left that behind me." "Have you? Then why are you here?" To that she had no answer. | |
| "I'm just a really talented prostitute?" she questioningly proposed. "Okay, I'll give you that," Jeff replied, "Wanna have sex?" "Okay," she retorted. And they did... | |
| for about a week non-stop | |
| for about a week non-stop | |
| After two weeks, even Jeff's amazing stamina was at its end. Nicole's money problem was solved - Jeff gave her two thousand dollars (apparently times weren't THAT bad), but she had stood up the vet. She called a Taxi. "Where to, ma'am?" | |
| The Gap, I can't think if I'm not shopping. | |
| "There you go, ma'am. Have a nice day now." Nicole was impressed by the cabbie's command of English and tipped him nicely. As usual, her trip to the Gap worked wonders for putting her in perspective with her innermost feelings and desires. "To hell with Tom, or whatever his name was," she thought to herself, "I know what I really want. The women's Ultimate Fighting Championship!" She proceeded to the corner of the store and there she picked out new fighting clothes. Tom had insisted she quit her life in the ring when marriage was considered; the bastard had a lot of nerve! With him gone, she could go back to life how she really wanted it, how it was meant to be for her. She contacted her trainer and told him she wanted back in. He was more than willing; she had been a star pupil and a contender for the world crown in the no-holds-barred sport. The Championship Tournament was in five weeks; she vowed that she would be ready. | |
| After five weeks of eye gouging and cattle raping, she was in perfect condition. Well, however good one could get from raping cattle. The day of the first battle had arrived. Nicole was pumped up and ready. She ate some Flintstones and had some Jim Bean, She was ready. Nicole's name was announced over the arena's P A system. She staggered out onto the runway in a alcoholic haze. Nicole was going under the name "Albino Necrophilia" She entered the caged ring and vomited on someone. A rusty brown colored liquid landed with a squish on Jess Merlin's head. Everyone laughed. Her puke was normal except for some chickin bones and a few car parts. Nicole danced and jabbed in the ring. Her opponents name was about to be announced. The crowd went silent. Nicole saw her opponent enter the ring. She was big, real big. She had rolls of fat on her nose. The back of her neck looked like a pack of hot dogs. She was dressed ina small leather thong, and reeked of chickin grease. Nicole knew this freak right away. It was no other than Hitman Hutley, The notorious Geriatric rapist. Her specialty was chocolate milk enimas. "Bring it on Grandma" The fight was on. | |
| Then Mike Tyson showed up and ate those bitches out. Mills Lane then disqualified Tyson, who promptly bit his ear. But Nicole wasn't finished. she returned later from the sky wheeling a baseball bat. She thought she could open a can of whoop ass on the entire crowd. Well she was wrong dead wrong. Hitman Hutley pulled out her nine and wasted everybody in the place. She then proceeded to pull out some cigarettes and smoked the whole pack until she was interrupted by Daria. Daria said "nigger please" she then stabbed the Hitman in the face. | |
| Suddenly a fairy godmother appeared "poof", and she said, " Now, now, children, saying bad words does not make you good children". | |
| "But we don't care if we're good children," said Bobby. "We just want to see if our mother will notice. She ignores us all the time and we're sick of it." | |
| The mother was having a lot of trouble. She finally found a job, but now she wasn't able to spend time with her kids. They were used to her undivided attention and now there was nothing. | |
| But the did have more money and thought that they might just ge used to being this new situation. Someday they would all be happy again. | |
| He thought about it over and over again. What goes around comes around, his mother said. She is always right, that dear old woman. She knows everything. "I told you so", her constant reminder of what she already knew, long before you resist her advice and went ahead with it. He thought hard and long ... "She is smart that woman". | |
| Nicole was confused. What the hell was that Bobby twerp and his fairy friend doing in HER story? It was a situation she would have to remedy. With cat-like agility she sprang forward and seized Bobby by the neck. "No!" screamed Jenny, but it was too late. Nicole swung Bobby around by his head a couple of times and when she thought his momentum was sufficient she let him go. Off he flew into the crowd where he slammed into a wide-eyed Jenny. He was going so fast that Bobby's mutilated head burst through her stomach in an explosion of gore. Jenny was too shocked to scream in denial as the fell silent into death. "Where were you on that one?" Nicole mocked the fairy godmother. "Yaaaaaa!" The fairy gave a battlecry and charged at Nicole, who matched her fury as the two slammed together in the center of the ring. The fairy was no match for Nicole in sheer power, who quickly got her in a choke hold that she could not hope to break. Slowly, the fairy stopped struggling. Then Nicole noticed: the fairy's lips were moving! She was casting a spell! Thinking quickly, Nicole seized the fairy by the head and began to twist. She heard the snap of bone but did not stop there. Only when the fairy godmother's head fell clear of her skinny body did Nicole accept her victory. Raising the head aloft by the hair, she roared in elation. Suddenly, she was attacked from behind as Charlotte joined the fray. "You bitch!" Charlotte screamed as the scratched her nails across Nicole's face. Nicole bent forward and threw her assailant off her onto her back. She then proceeded to beat Charlotte with the severed head of the fairy godmother. It felt good, real good, Nicole decided, to be this powerful. "Can anyone stand against me?" she thought cockily to herself. Then she noticed a large shadow darken the ring from behind her and a familiar voice from her distant past address her: "Now is my time for vengeance!" | |
| "YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" | |
| "Absolute arsewipe" cried Arnold, who's bothersome past was at it again. "It's seems I'm always in the middle of something" he thought, laconically. His desire was to be on the edge, but how to find it, that was his perennial problem. Having realised his problem he felt more at ease and continued his daily ablutions with an air of dexterity rarely seen in a man of his years. His lack of alacrity in his dailt chores had been superceded by an intense feeling of ambition. His quest was for the edge. He had direction and motivation. He just needed to finish wiping his arse and he was away!!!!!!!!! | |
| I don't have any bus fare. | |
| but an yes is you see | |
| I'll kill the bus driver install a micro-chip in his brain and take oveer the world as a psycotic-maniac. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! | |
| Then as I run over my victums, I realize not only am I alone, i am also feeling lonely..... | |