Reflections on the Surface of a Toe Nail

Reflections on the Surface of a Toe Nail

Chapter 1

     The Story The Authors
Pee Wee was a unique one, who would've guessed. It was no surprise, I mean, with my name as Kiwi, that our parents were the ones to blame. He took much pleasure in taking his car and driving on sidewalks. Most of the time he would do this at night. There was a time, however, where the sunlight was shining bright, and he drove down Rodeo Drive. Past the Cartier and the Gucci shoppes, what a smile appeared on his face. I enjoyed watching the fur clad ladies jumping so high that even Michael Jordan would be envious. none
I also enjoyed a delightful day while I went to the Feista de la Tienos (?) and danced with the fruit-basket-wearing, enchilada flinging senorita's Lance
I drank Margaritas all night long. When I could dance no longer, I made my way back to the cabana and passed out on the bed. none
After some time i recall that i get up in the night and a big black bear is staring at me fro my balcony window. My body suddenly feels cold my tongue is very dry, and my hans are trembling. Ishout a lot and recognize that i had a bad dream. mary
But how can a dream be reality??? "Ishout" surely was a lot, but how could he recognize it quickly? And what are these strange new appendages attached to the truck of his body which are called "hans"? But they sure are trembling! At least when the bear was near, he was not looking at me, but at my fro. Better my fro ending up in the belly of a bear than me anyday. How could the bear be staring? When something is starring it is looking at an object with a stare. But when something is staring, is it looking at an object with a star? GramMar
Noel and Liam were sitting in their rooms one day. Liam turned to Noel and asked, "Ey, is that fook'en Christmas song 'bout you?" Noel kept snorting his cocaine and ignored Liam. Liam then continued, "Ey, have any idea that 'Noel' spelled bloody backward is 'Leon'?" Noel then took Liam and smashed him into the wonderwall, threw him out the window, screaming "And don't look back in anger!" Then Noel continued to snort away...............until suddenly Sally
Dennis Rodman came in and asked him for a joint. Noel said 'Where were you when we were getting high?' Rodman responded... none
"I was hang'in with Madonna while you were gettin high." Noel Gallagher found this very interesting, and since Liam was just a blur on the pavement, he asked Denis Rodman, "Can you sing like a goat?" Rodman let the notes fly. Then Noel asked Denis, "Can I shag Madonna?" And that's how Rodman became the new lead singer in Oasis, and how Noel decided to colour his hair pink. Then one day.... eMpTyV
while at the Planet Hollywood in L.A., somebody secretly replaced Rodman's usual beverage with Foldger's Crystals. Denis went ballistic. He turned over the table he and Noel were sitting at, ran over to the bar where Jean-Claude Van Damm was trying to pick up some Asian chick, and placed the unsuspecting victim in a figure-four leg lock. "It was YOU, Van Damm! YOU sabotaged my Shirley Temple and now you've got to pay!" Van Damm reached for the closest thing within his grasp -- a movie script for the sequel to Kiss of the Spider Woman that seemed to be made for him -- and wacked Rodman upside the head, knocking him temporarily sane. Upon seeing this, Noel Gallagher imediately held a press conference anouncing Rodman as the new Oasis frontman. "We felt as a band that something had to be done about our image. Denis is just the bi-sexual we need. I mean, with all the damage that Liam has done in the media, Denis seemed like the obvious choice to turn our band around. Hey, we Brits aren't dumb you know. We care about the public's perception. And so does Denis." Oasis' next album sold 1,500 copies and they all became professional wrestlers... Scott Hutley
The first wrestling match occurred at Atlantic City. Noel Gallagher and Denis Rodman versed Billy Corgan and Eric Lindros in a tag team match. While Denis had no trouble with Billy Corgan, whose techniques were stuck in 1979, Noel had a harder time against #88. Eric "The Goon" Lindros body slammed Noel into the mat, breaking Gallagher's nose in the process. Recovering in the hospital, Noel asked his doctor, "Now how the fook can I do the bloody white line?" In the next fight, the matchup was even more spectacular.... QUOasis
In typical pro-wrestling style, the two teams set up a cage match for the tag-team titles. Meloncoly Corgan and Lindros the Lamp-Lighter won the belts in a slug-fest a month earlier from Nacho Man and the Huckster, both back for one last go-around (and their final pay-checks). Denis came out in typical sycho fashion and dressed in drag. This alone made him a difficult opponent because Lindros wouldn't touch him! Billy, on the other hand, had come to grips with the reality of Denis' feminine side and started bashing his head into the turn-buckle with all his bald-headed fury. Noel was the suprise factor in this bout, however. Still pissed that he would never be able to fully enjoy the pure satisfaction that is coke-sorting, Nasty Noel gave Eric a cross-check he would not soon forget. Then came a blatant high-stick followed by an eye-popping slash to the groin. Perhaps a better interpretation would be hooking,but the guest color commentators Bill Walton and Magic Johnson were at their usual best and failed to make the correct call. At any rate, it was clear that the gloves had come off, and thank goodness because Billy's new guitar sound was getting really irritating... Hitman
At the press conferance after the fight, Billy Corgan told the press, "Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage, or a wrestling ring for that matter." Noel Gallagher simply stated "I'm gonna live forever. And next I'll beat the bloody pulp out of Damon Albarn of Blur." Looking up from the glare of the camera lights and press flashes, Noel recognized a familiar countenance near the back of the crowd. Holding a can of beer and a joint, and with crutches and a neck brace,......could it be....no!, (but how?),...... but it was,...yes it was his brother Liam! The two brothers were reunited.... Steve
Billy Corgan stood up and said, 'This is the new member of out band'. Liam turned away from Noel and walked over to Billy. All eyes were on him, Noel was being completely ignored. I went into a rage, went out to a bar, got drunker than he already was, and drove off a cliff. none
It was certainly a good thing that the cliff I drove off of was made of cardboard. But the two frightened children staring at me and their ruined mountain (a cardboard box) were not going to be forgiving. Megan
At once they pummelled me with shredded wheat! none
But, what wheat it was! Now I feel like a champion! none
What is this....help......... hallucinations? Oh god, will I live? And the children cried......... Mountain! a transverse of colours........ a crashing car in a dreamworld. Then Noel Gallagher awoke at the bottom of a ravine, his head aching, a wrecked Rolls Royce ten meters from him. Hitman
He brought his hand up quickly, his lungs were aching to cough. When he looked down, he found his hand covered in thick, mucousy blood. The blood also was all over the front of his shirt. He tried to get up, found himself too light-headed and resolved to crawl around. He crawled ten feet before he hit the ground and stopped completely. His head filled with sappy celestial music, the kind that Tannia always put on and he never liked. "Noel, Noel" came the angel's voice, beckoning from above. It seemed to Noel he had heard the voice before, and he finally recognized the voice of Tannia. She reached down, he reached up, they touched cheek to cheek. With a loud gasp Noel woke up. The concrete was cold beneath his bare skin, but Tannia's skin was pleasantly warm. The audience applauded. He found himself coated with a brown, sticky substance, looked up, found Tannia asleep, apparently not caring about the small but appreciative audience that had gathered about them. My god, Noel thought, the acid, the gin... then what? Deus ex Machina, Sorta
Everyone was melting around him. He saw Blue dinosaurs dancing about. He was wondering where he was and how he had appeared there and why the dinosaurs where watching them sleep. MandMe
Then he remembered that he had fallen there into the land of the Blue dinosaurs. However, it couldn't be too exciting for them to watch him sleep because, if he remebered correctly, they were usually a more playful bunch. Usually you could find them swinging from the branches of the trees into the tar pits. And there was never a weekend that they didn't have a party at their pond. Suddenly, he began to wonder what his name was. Could these dinosaurs tell him? chelleandL
The dinosaurs spoke in plain English at their party. He went up to the leader of the Blue Dinosaurs, who was smoking something with a pungent oder, and asked him, "What's my name Big Daddy?" And the blue dinosaur said to him..... hey
"Why, son, your name is T Knee Rex, you know that. Now why do you ask such a foolish question?" the dinosaur leader breathed at him, through a cloud of toxic orange smoke. "I don't know," replied the youngster. "I want something and I don't know what it is. What am I, Daddy-O?" oliver
"You are a speck of dust on satan's hatpin", said the dinosaur leader. I think you should be banished from the Creamsicle community. none
I denounce satan, I am on the side of the All Mighty none
Oh yeah? Well i rule the universe, for i am EMPORER TIMANDORO BOCUHCHI, supreme ruler of the universe!!! Well, not really,(the real ruler is Jesus) but it's a pretty good tittle ain't it? Puggirl
"No, it's a lousy title" said the true ruler of the universe before smiting the "emporer". "Well", she said, "now that bit of mess is taken care of lets move on to the tournament". none
There was a man in the bathroom and he couldn't use it. He told everyone that he had to but it wouldn't come out What should he do? Nique
"I've got an idea", the young girl, who was waiting for her turn, said. If you put your legs behind your neck, you'll squeeze the shit out! none
"My way, however, is much more hygienic" rasped Kurt , snapping on the rubber gloves. "Now, would the patient just bend over my desk, and -" "Stop!!!" Kurt gasped and spun around. Standing just inside the window was a black-clothed figure wearing a faceless balaclava. KMB
And holding a slice of baklava that was dripping with honey and nuts. "I've com to prevent the abuse of this alien!" said the black-clothed figure. none
"i'M NO ALIEN" said the creature. none
"I'm no human" said I Katherine
"You are an alien," i said, "Look at yourself. You have bulging eyes, purple s skin and long nose." "Look at YOU! You have blue eyes and blonde hair!" Amnotanalien
"Well," I said " I am a human. And at least i'm not as stupid as you are!" Caitlin Olsen
The bathroom door finally opened and out stepped a thin man in a dark blue suit and brown shoes. Reaching into his vest pocket he retrieved a thin wallet, "Officer de Jesus of the Immigration and Naturalization Service" he introduced himself. "Where were you born?" he asked the short green alien. "In a little cafe, just the other side of the border" the alien replied. "Good," he retorted "I like honesty". Turning to me he asked, "Did you ever steal from your mother's purse?" none
"Weeeell..." I said a bit nervous, "It was only once, and I paid her back as soon as I had the money. It was to buy a birthday present for my brother..." The man looked at me with distain on his face. "And what exactly did you buy your brother with the money?" "Uhhhhhh, it was a GI Joe action figure... Hey! What does this have to do with anything anyway?!?" Pansy girl
Well, it all depends on what type of GI Joe you bought your brother, young man. If it was our new transvestite GI Joe, then there may be hope for your brother. Rhonda
"Your sick man, you know that!" I said indignantly. "My brother is just fine, unless this..creature got to him I suppose" Said I taking my forst good look at the little alien who kept changing from green to purple. none
The man shot Noel with something and everything went fuzzy. He woke up in a hospital bed with his brother, Liam, Billy Courgan, and Dennis Rodman standing over his bed. "You sure did it this time, Noel," Liam said "You almost bloody killed yourself with a bloody overdose!" Noel shook his head and looked around. "I had a funny dream, and you, and you, and you, and you(!) were there!" He exclaimed Dennis spoke up. "Man you're never going to get well on what they give you here to eat, here have a beer." He pulled one out of his purse for each of the celebrities, and they all drank themselves into oblivion. Dan's Girl
The next day, Noel was still thinking about the dream he had. I wonder if I really did have that dream. Maybe it was real. He thought. When Noel went to bed that night, he dreamed that Dennis Rodman was saying, "Well, well,well. I suppose you think this is a dream too, huh?" "Well, if that and this are dreams, then I didn't really kick that guy in between the legs!" THE END Anna Flemke