The Figs of May - Carpe Testicularum

The Figs of May - Carpe Testicularum

Chapter 8

     The Story The Authors
but I didn't do it, I swear none
on my mother's grave. A look of apprehension filled her eyes.
"But your mother isn't dead," she whispered
Jayne Howell

"Although," She added " we could use another cadaver"
Suddenly, a voice was heard coming from the shadows of yesterday's parakeet,
saying "Tis true, the patient has faltered, let us now take out daily intake of Bohemian Rhapsody and worship the scorpion that never sweats, for truly all is
for the best, dear sheep, though your LSD levels do state the contrary."
Let us lift up this warthog and embrace all that is never near the quite where I last left my eggroll. But not really crazy just too great a thing to mess with mother nature on the Sabbath but is open late. Kore
But how can this be? Oh poor Mr. Hickey. Ever since he laid eyes on Barker's Beauties, he was never quite the same. He just needed time to think and to roll a big fatty, listen to Jimmy Cliff and watch the sun go down, mon. But he just wouldn't let himself go, because after all, beer was all he had, and reggae sucks unless you're baked. none

he took his zoot and drew in a breath of the creamy white smoke, lettin it role down his trote. He exhaled slowly the smoke tumbled out of his mouth like a cascading waterfall. He lay back and thought of those titties and smiled as they danced slowly in front in front of his face, mon.
He started to do the five knuckle shuffle. jon smith

He then whispered
'Email me at'
Even he didn't knowwhy he said it but he did.
All of a sudden, the Suttle Tyderium crashed into him.
His body was picked up and thrown into a bloody pulp against the wall.
All this seemed strange to him, because he was not sure where he was.
So said the voices that came at him from the darkness surrounding the little communal square. Gibberish. Semi-mystic bullshit. Crink merely giggled and grasping him heavily by the shoulders began to spin him round and round. The lights, the voices, Crink's laughter, the disorientation, the dizziness, his bruised and scraped body, and the lights spinning and flashing in his eyes. It all blended together like some half assed 60's art film by Kenneth Anger. If he hadn't already blown his lunch by the wrecked ambulance he'd have lost it all again. His stomach was beginning the first nauseous rumbles. His mouth went suddenly dry. Hickey was almost grateful when the blindfold was slipped over his spinning eyes. Crink's voice, "No peeking now, Matt"
Crink's strong hands still gripped him. hickey could hear the approach of a group of people. Quite a few it seemed. He was surrounded with whispering. He strained his ears to catch a word. Something to grasp and make sense with. Nothing distinct. Then very close to his ear Jeremy whispered close. "Be ready, Hickey boy, You're almost on. Lord knows this whole thing has been a big pain in the ass, but you gots to keep a bit of showmanship to keep folks happy. Be cool, I got the angles covered. You keep the noise to a minimum for now, and I'll fill the gaps in for you first thing later on. Be smart. Be safe. Be quiet.I'll handle the dramatic flourishes."
Crink then addressed the crowd. "Eumans, he is arrived after an arduous journey to be with you here at last. Our spiritual guide to a purer existence and eternal plain. Eumans prepare to show your worthiness before Him!" There was a general rustling of soft fabrics around him on all sides. Then silence. Crink's whisper came to him again. "Ready or not, here we go. Keep cool and don't blow it." And Jeremy whisked the blindfold from his eyes.
They were around him on all sides. Maybe forty or fifty people. All naked. all barefoot. Human at least, that much he could be sure of. But only that much. It was hard to tell them apart really. All their heads were shaved. All their eyes betrayed a certain focused blankess. They blinked at him expectantly. Matthew looked rapidly from one bared soul to the next. He couldn't differntiate men from women. All outside primary sexual characteristics had been carefully erased from each and every one. Small puckered scars occupied the space where once nipples and breasts had been. Light triangular whisps of pubic hair covered trace remains of genitalia. As one, they stared blankly at Matthew. Blankly Matthew stared back. He turned to Crink, mouth agape. Jeremy just beamed back at him that beatific Crink grin.
"Matthew, it's time for you at last to meet your assembled disciples."

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