|The Story||The Authors|
|"Let's get rrrrrready to rrrrrrrrumbllllllle!" came the voice over the radio. Surely this was the commercial for tonite's show at the Gubernatorium. "One night only! This Friday! Female mud wrestling with our very special guests Barbara Boxer and Diane Feinstein in the battle of the Millenium! But that's not all! See Former Governor of Texas Ann Richards take on former wrestler and current Governor of Minnesota Jesse Ventura! Be there!!!!" Barbara was intrigued. This could be a pretty good show.|
|But alas, Barb's presence at that evening's savage Gubernatorium proceedings was not to be... For, so lost in silent reverie of last month's sumo-eggwhites-and-itching-powder contest between two former governors of South Dakota was she, she failed to notice the scrappy brown mutt emerging from a copse of sumac along the roadside. It trotted out directly in front of Barbara's car and she only knew of its presence when she felt the impact of it, and then (slamming on the brakes) the terrifying rise and (ka-thummp!) fall of her car as the right front wheel passed fully over the poor dog's body before coming to rest with a monolithic jolt.|
"OH NO!!!!!!" screamed Barbara as she ran out of her car to survey the bloody,
mangled, and definetly dead puppy under her car wheel. She burst into tears.
Barbara saw the sign on the restaurant up ahead. "Alano's Therapautic Tea Room". Normally she would think that was way too corny but she was so upset that she decided to go in. Maybe it would help her.
She had a wonderful two minutes in the tearoom. She was about to go out again and walk to the mud wrestling thing when she saw Darth Vader walk into the room.
"AAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Barbara, in a strange contrast to the slow peaceful music of the Tea Room. "It - it - it can't be!"
"It isn't," said the synthesized voice of the being previously assumed to be Darth Vader. "I'm Monty. The paramedics got there just in time to pump oxygen into my brain and save my life. They put me into this life support machine that the Top Secret Medical Research Department just invented. Now everyone screams when I walk into the room. Now it's payback time..."
And off in the distance Barbara could hear Joselito saying, "Told you so."
"I'm sorry, what did you say?" asked Barbara. |
"I said 'how do you like my costume?' I thought I'd try something different in this year's Urban Iditarod." Monty said as he modeled his new Darth Vader costume.
"Monty!" Barbara looked at him incredulously. "I've just run over a dog!" She pointed at the dead animal underneath her car.
"Wow, you sure did." They both stared at the bloody mess for a minute. "So now what do you do?" asked Monty.
"I don't know. I guess I should call the Humane Society or something."
"Muffy! My sweet little Muffy!" cried a woman from across the boulevard.
"Oh shit! I'm in for it now." said Barbara.