The Unnamed adventures of Roger Weaver

The Unnamed adventures of Roger Weaver

Chapter 7

     The Story The Authors
Downward he flew. none

Back in the Chronic ward of the county hospital, the comatose lump of Jake's corporeal body, inactive for two decades, now suddenly twitched and stiffened, his atrophied wooden arms tearing away the sheets, rvealing his naked, tumuscent body, which began ejaculating great gobs of jism all over the hspital room, then emit one final, heartrending grrrooooan before the last life fell away from it and his heartbeat flatlined on the cardiac oscilloscope...
...and the rip in the fabric of reality was once again closed.
"Drat!" cursed some despotic space-tyrant, somewhere, gvuuming his kaunji kaunji in brnayajm-vjzzzz, having massed an army to invade our own universe through the hole in the space-time continuum caused by Jake's autoerotic despair. "If it weren't for those meddling kids..."

...Those meddling kids... While the rest of the world scratched its head, picked itself up off the ground, looked around bewilderedly for its clothing, and scurried home in shame and terror, looking at the ground but what had become of our heroes? The Cat in the Hat and Old Mister Boar and Roger Weaver, still trying to escape from their subterannean dungeon; Things One and Two, useless and lost without their beloved master the Cat (rather like the linguists' favorite play, The Two Dots of an Umlaut In Search of a Letter to Modify); and Anita...

standing in the golden bathroom wrapped in the Cardinal's robe watching Jake's corpse slowly dissolve with hiss and small cloud of green vapor. spackle
Things and One and Two finally found the cell where Roger, the Cat and Mr. Boar were imprisoned. When they opened the cell door, the things found the prisoners within greatly changed. In order to survive in their subterranean prison, Roger, the Cat and Mr. Boar had to drink from a puddle of polluted cave water.
"Lookee there!" shouted Mr. Tickles with glee. "They've all got five asses!"
"Why, yes. They are perfect creatures now." said the Toothbitch,who, having lost her tool of destruction (namely Jake), decided to quit the world domination business and move the whole group (Roger, Cat, Boar, both Things and Mr. Tickles) down to Jamaica where they could live out their lives in total ecstasy.
Anita decided, after having murdered a man, to face her fear head on and conquer it. She now works three nights a week dancing topless at the Wild Goose on Century Blvd. in L.A. As for Cardinal Richelieu, he was excommunicated from the church and was stricken with gonohrea and never heard from again.
February 18, 1999

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