The Unnamed adventures of Roger Weaver

The Unnamed adventures of Roger Weaver

Chapter 7

     The Story The Authors
The cardinal was about to dunk Anita in the lemon curry when suddenly the Fictional Five appeared!!! EVIL REMOTE CONTROL
Suddenly Mr. Tickles came and screwed the evil remote control's brains out. He had vowed to screw the brains out of the next thing that wrote about the Fictional Five. The Fictional Five went away. Without brains the evil remote control could not work. Janice suddenly walked out of nowhere in a daze. "What happened? Where am I?" Then she suddenly figured it all out and went wherever the Fictional Five had gone, where she was greeted by there enthusiastic cheers.
Anita sighed. Now she was free to focus on her bigger problems, like the sulphuric acid the Cardinal was putting in the lemon curry...
Cardinal Riechlieu paused. "No."he said to himnself, "No acid, it ruins the flavor." and with a childish giggle he began to slather Anita with the lemon curry in big jammy smears.
Meanwhile Thing One and Thing Two scurried down the corridor and trying to keep to the shadows. The caverns were a vast labyrinth of passages that strayed about like Boston street maps and never ending up in the same direction they began with.
Keep your bearings
On the cell
Which way? Which way?
I can't tell
This way now
And that way next
Which way to go
I'm quite perplexed
But find it we must
And then unlock it
Whatever you do
Don't lose that wocket!

Admonished Thing One to Two in a hoarse whisper as they rounded another hairpin turn in the cave. In front of them a large wooden door bound with iron and from within the sound of slightly merrier hentchmen at their mess.
At that very moment, Anita, slathered in big jammy smears of lemon curry, burst through the door at the other end of the corridoor. Startled by the sight of Thing One and Thing Two hurtling towards her, her squeal turned to one of fright rather than the laughter which had issued forth only moments before. Ingenue
Thing one and Thing Two came up and grabbed her and carried her off to the forest accross the city. They tied her up and left her sitting in a tree branch telling her to wait there for the three livered lily-wart. Jennifer
But it turned out that they had taken a wrong turn and they were really back in Cardinal Richeleau's room. Janoiye

...The spacious inner sanctum of the Grand Inquisitor himself, Cardinal Richelieu... Dark mahogany the color of dried blood dominated the room's uncharacteristically Spartan furnishings, a table strewn with papers and inkwells, a squat thronelike armchair, an immense canopy bed which smelled as if its sheets had not been washed in years, and a lectern bearing the great weight of an open, leatherbound, brass-hasped first edition of the dreaded Malleus Maleficarum, or "Hammer of Witchcraft," that most popular tome to which no memeber-in-good-standing of the Inquisition was complete without...
Things One and Two bent forwards and read:

"But if, neither by threats nor by promises such as these, the witch can be induced to speak the truth, then the jailers must carry out the sentence, and torture the prisoner according to the accepted methods, with more or less of severity as the delinquent's crime may demand. And, while he is being tortured, he must be questioned on the articles of accusation, and this frequently and persistently, beginning with the lighter charges-for he will more readily confess the lighter than the heavier. And, while this is being done, the notary must write down everything in his record of the trial - how the prisoner is tortured, on what points he is questioned and how he answers.

"If the prisoner will not confess the truth satisfactorily, other sorts of tortures must be placed before him, with the statement that unless he will confess the truth, he must endure these also. But, if not even thus he can be brought into terror and to the truth, then the next day or the next but one is to be set for a continuation of the tortures…"

Cotton Mather

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