Chapter 4
| The Story | The Authors |
|---|---|
| towards it, wishing to become one with the fiery body | |
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when thus far you have coasted it's selfish, mean and callow not to mention pointless So you shall not get roasted like any old marshmallow And with that Thing One and Thing Two swooped down wearing little jetpacks and whisked Roger back up the chasm to the relative safety of the ledge above, Roger's left shoe fell off on the way up and with a sizzling plop was immediately burnt up by the molten rock. It smelled horrid. | |
| Luckilly, at this moment the bubbling lava engulfed Rogers left leg. He was relieved, as now his lack of shoe would pass unnoticed in good company. | |
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…and then they were back in the cave. Things One and Two tossed him
unceremoniously the to the hard stone floor, barking his already
bruised shins on a sharp outcropping of basalt.
We've warned you thrice, "You people are nuts," groaned Roger from the cave floor.
We are but figments | |
|
"No!" howled Roger, beating his head against the irridescently veined
rock wall of the cavern. "No metaphysics! No flighty ethereal hoo-hah!
I want facts, damnit! F-A-C-T-S!"
You need but find "Speak English, for fuck's sake!"
See yonder wall | |
|
...from the deeper, shadowed recesses of the cave there came a
great porcine wailing, notable for the pronounced Southern drawl
of its sobs... The Things continued...
You hurt his feelings!
That's all that impedes!
| |
| "Ah, Christ on a shishkabob skewer," muttered Roger. | |
|
You hurt his feelings! Bruised his pride! He might as well be crucified! You've crushed him with your cruelty! Think how you'd feel if you were he! "Ah sweah, y'all made me feel lahk I'd up an dahd! Waaaa oh boo hoo hoo hoo hoo," wailed Mr. Boar from his corner.
Roger (aside; impersonating Hamlet): "I did not think that one could
live, | |
|
Roger was just about to offer the boar his most humble and heartfelt
apologies when a sudden realization struck him lightening on a golf
course. "Why should I apologize to you? You're the one who knocked me off that ledge. I could have been killed!" "I'm a sensitive soul, though I seem thick skinned!" wailed the boar. "You've hurt his feelings, for shame for shame! Can't you even feel his pain?" started the things. "Alright, I've had enough of you two! I will not apologize. It's a matter of principle." Roger folded his arms and turned his back on the pathetic Mr. Boar and the incredibly annoying Things 1 and 2. | |
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that is no lie But it was you first hurt his pride Your Knock Knock joke was the cause of all from bruised ego to nasty fall So Kiss! Make up! desist your grievin' by the Pope's red nose you're even steven tit for tat and Quid Pro Quo one and one and blow for blow you're matched insults have cancelled each Now Kiss! Make Up! Is what we preach! Roger's shoulders
sagged as he knew that Thing One & Two were essentially right. He
turned to face his nemesis. They looked balefully at one another
for a moment, neither really wanting to concede the point. Until
finally Old Boar gave a little snort and a sniffle and began |
4