|The Story||The Authors|
He reached for the grate and gingerly slid it back. From whatever
was beyond it came a horrible racket. It sounded like the chatter
of lots of small monkeys and an out of tune piano attempting to bang
out "Mack The Knife". With one last quick glance down at the lava
a quick ulp Roger heaved himself up through the opening and into
the room above it.|
It was a much larger chamber than any he'd been in so far in these caverns. Piles of folding chairs were stacked haphazardly and along the far side a crude stage had been constructed. On the stage were as large number of levels and platforms and on the platforms were what appeared to be at least a hundred gibbering gibbons in Lederhosen. Halfwayback and in front of the stage was a canvas Dirctor's chair with the words "J.O'D: genius" emblazoned on it. Sitting in this chair was a rather unkempt little man, his unwashed black hair trying it's damndest to sweep across his forhead like Hitler's.
"No! NO!NO!Liza stop that grooming and continue with the scene. This is a big number. Let's work people." Turning his head he then called back."Tongor, I'm chilly. Throw another native on the fire." Tongor, an immense man with a neck like a tree trunk got up from the piano and reaching into a pen hidden behind it pulled another unfortunate soul in a loin cloth out and flung him down the grate.
John O'D finally noticed Roger. With a deep scowl he said, "You can't be in here. These are closed rehearsals." Roger stared at him blankly. Tongor took his place back athe piano and resumed banging out the chords to "Mack The Knife" The gibbons continued to gibber and prance and groom on another on the stage.
John O'Donoughue heaved a great and exasperated sigh. "Let me explain," he finally said while absentmindedly picking at a pimple behind his ear, "If one hundred monkeys in a room with one hundred typewriters could eventually type out the script for "Hamlet" It is my contention that one hundred Gibbons (who are smart little monkeys) with a little guidance could do Brecht. Now leave! We've got work to do! Tongor! From the top!"
|Roger couldn't hold on much longer, he folt his hands starting to slip, he knew he would fall into the boiling lava below him. Suddenly there was a slam and the clatter of four women in high heels trying to sprint. Four women came to the grate. It was Kristi, Dianne, Vashondra, and Bitzy! Kristi grabbed Roger's wrists just as he began to fall. "We'll let you out on one condition, if you help us find Janice!" "Sure" said roger and they pulled him to safety.|
Roger shook his head and the paranoid vision vanished. he was safe.|
Onstage there came a great clatter and screeching as a pair of he gibbons dressed like little drunken sailors began fighting over a stray peanut that had been on the bar in front of them.
|Bitzy, Dianne, Kristi, and Vashondra reappeared. "Did you really think all you had to do was shake your head and we would be gone?" asked Kristi. "We need your help to get Janice back to normal because the evil remote control is taking over her mind!" said Bitzy. "Remember," added Dianne, "we saved your life!" "All right all right!" said Roger. "But why do you need me?" Vashondra answered this time. "Janice only lets cute men with escorts into her palace because she wants to kill the escort and keep the cute man in her dungeon. We are immortal so we're in no danger. But we need you to get us in." "But-" Roger started to protest. "Would you rather we hadn't saved your life? I guess we could go back in time and let you die..." "NO!!!" screamed Roger. Anything was better than falling into that boiling lava pit. "I'll help you." THe next thing he knew the four women, inside opaque purple force feilds, were leading him into a big black warehouse with "JANIC IS SUPREME", "BOW DOWN TO JANICE", "JANICE WILL DESTROY YOU", and other things painted on the side of it. As Roger went in he saw a middle-aged lady sitting in a chair holding a remote control. "That's Janice," whispered Bitzy. "If we can steal and destroy that remote control it will stop controlling her and she will stop being evil." "Why hello there," said Janice, grinning. "Why don't you sit down and have a snack?" She was adressing not only Roger's group but also a large, dark man with three tiny girls in skimpy dresses. Roger involuntarily started towards the nearest girl but Bitzy pulled him back. "Now listen here, don't do that or we'll have to rehire THing One and THing Two." Suddenly skittles began to float down from th ceiling. Roger watched as the big dark guy, whose name was Tim the Terrible, caught one in his mouth. "AAAAAAAAIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Tim the Tirrible as the skittle burrowed through the bach of his head and down into his heart. These were no ordinary skittles! Roger joined Bitzy, Dianne, Kristi, and Vashondra in trying to dodge the skittles and get to the remote control.|