A Symphony unto Oneself

Chapter 1

The Story The Authors

Jake, meanwhile, fairly breezed through the deserted stacks, past 386 (Inland Waterway & Ferry Transportation), 393 (Death Customs, oh my!) all the way to 399 (Customs of War and Diplomacy -- a very large section indeed, boundless with erotic possibilities, and far enough from away stairwells and windows to as to assure him (he thought) the necessary, delicate privacy so essential to the completion (at last, damn it!) of his wank) where he sat atop a mostly-empty reshelving cart and focused his attentions once more on the torrid plight of poor O. Li'l Serge-y Gainsbourg

...her position on the bed, lying on her back with wrists and ankles tied with wide, tacky neckties to the four bedposts, O. noticed what appeared to be the nose of a camera protruding from inbetween the bas-relief of two baroque roses in the ornate ceiling medallion. No wonder Monsieur Dieu-Da had been able to save her just in time, just as that mean old Mother Superior was stoking up the coals in the Iron Sausage and preparing for another round of trying to cast out O.'s demon -- no wonder indeed! Why, the entire chateau must be bugged and monitored...
Her thoughts were interrupted then as Monsieur Dieu-Da himself came in, wearing nothing but a red rubber clown-nose and a huge... Mercy me! she said to herself, as he climbed atop her and began the arduous task of trying to force her dimensions to actually expand to and accommodate his own, he certainly is well-endowed.
It was as he was thus engaged that the door opened a second time and in walked Madame LaRoux herself, wearing strapped about her waist the most enormous prosthetic penis O. had ever had cause to behold. The lifelike organ in question glimmered under a thick coat of vegetable-based lubricant, and when O. gleaned -- by dint of the Madame's movements -- where she intended to insert that fearsome appendage, she tried frantically to warn the hapless Monsieur Dieu-Da, huffing and puffing away atop her, by fluttering her eyelids in a clever approximation of Morse code. But to no -- Poisson!

It was at this point that Jake's throbbing, lusty reading-session was brought to an abrupt close by the silent and sudden apparition of the man in the wheelchair. Goom-Bah

His book slipped from his sweaty, hair festooned palms as the vision from beyond moaned, "Jake, Jake! I've returned from beyond with a message. You'll go blind if you don't put down the books and meet a nice girl." With uneasy strokes, the ghost struggled at the wheels of his chair. They made an unearthly whine as they spun on their rusty axles. Jake was filled with revulsion the apparition drew closer. Once more, it opened its mouth to speak, the foul odor of the grave belching from its gaping maw. "Jake, heed my warning! Tonight, you will be visited by three ghosts -- and you will learn!" Jeff S.

Jake was not so much frightened as annoyed by this damn guy in his damn wheel chair. It was plain to Jake now that the only place he would get any privacy was in his own home, which meant he would have to check out the book. With a heavy sigh, Jake approached the check-out desk and proffered his tattered old seldom used library card. The librarian behind the counter took his card and the worn copy of the Story of O. and stared hard at Jake over her wire-rimmed glasses. Jake drummed his fingers on the counter as the woman looked at the computer and back at Jake over her glasses. "You have $32 in unpaid fines." she said icily. Jake glance around and it seemed every one in the library had stopped what they were doing to stare at him. He sighed again, paid the fine, picked up his book and was on his way. Jake locked himself in his bedroom and continued where he left off but it wasn't long before he'd fallen asleep. At exactly 1:00 am Jake woke up. There was a young woman in his room. She had a milky complexion and was dressed like Stevie Nicks. "Who are you?" Jake asked, "And what are you doing in my bedroom?" "Didn't Evan tell you that I was coming?" Jake shrugged his shoulders. "The guy in the wheel chair?" the woman prodded. "Oh, goddamnit, that guy!" Jake put his hand to his forehead. "I am the ghost of masterbation past! Come - er, take my hand, I want to show you something." said the ghost, sounding much more ghostly now. Jake couldn't resist her so he took her hand and together they flew out the window into the cold night. Evguenie Sokolov

The Story	The Authors
Jake, meanwhile, fairly breezed through the deserted stacks, past 386 (Inland Waterway & Ferry Transportation), 393 (Death Customs, oh my!) all the way to 399 (Customs of War and Diplomacy -- a very large section indeed, boundless with erotic possibilities, and far enough from away stairwells and windows to as to assure him (he thought) the necessary, delicate privacy so essential to the completion (at last, damn it!) of his wank) where he sat atop a mostly-empty reshelving cart and focused his attentions once more on the torrid plight of poor O.	Li'l Serge-y Gainsbourg
...her position on the bed, lying on her back with wrists and ankles tied with wide, tacky neckties to the four bedposts, O. noticed what appeared to be the nose of a camera protruding from inbetween the bas-relief of two baroque roses in the ornate ceiling medallion. No wonder Monsieur Dieu-Da had been able to save her just in time, just as that mean old Mother Superior was stoking up the coals in the Iron Sausage and preparing for another round of trying to cast out O.'s demon -- no wonder indeed! Why, the entire chateau must be bugged and monitored... Her thoughts were interrupted then as Monsieur Dieu-Da himself came in, wearing nothing but a red rubber clown-nose and a huge... Mercy me! she said to herself, as he climbed atop her and began the arduous task of trying to force her dimensions to actually expand to and accommodate his own, he certainly is well-endowed. It was as he was thus engaged that the door opened a second time and in walked Madame LaRoux herself, wearing strapped about her waist the most enormous prosthetic penis O. had ever had cause to behold. The lifelike organ in question glimmered under a thick coat of vegetable-based lubricant, and when O. gleaned -- by dint of the Madame's movements -- where she intended to insert that fearsome appendage, she tried frantically to warn the hapless Monsieur Dieu-Da, huffing and puffing away atop her, by fluttering her eyelids in a clever approximation of Morse code. But to no --	Poisson!
It was at this point that Jake's throbbing, lusty reading-session was brought to an abrupt close by the silent and sudden apparition of the man in the wheelchair.	Goom-Bah
His book slipped from his sweaty, hair festooned palms as the vision from beyond moaned, "Jake, Jake! I've returned from beyond with a message. You'll go blind if you don't put down the books and meet a nice girl." With uneasy strokes, the ghost struggled at the wheels of his chair. They made an unearthly whine as they spun on their rusty axles. Jake was filled with revulsion the apparition drew closer. Once more, it opened its mouth to speak, the foul odor of the grave belching from its gaping maw. "Jake, heed my warning! Tonight, you will be visited by three ghosts -- and you will learn!"	Jeff S.
Jake was not so much frightened as annoyed by this damn guy in his damn wheel chair. It was plain to Jake now that the only place he would get any privacy was in his own home, which meant he would have to check out the book. With a heavy sigh, Jake approached the check-out desk and proffered his tattered old seldom used library card. The librarian behind the counter took his card and the worn copy of the Story of O. and stared hard at Jake over her wire-rimmed glasses. Jake drummed his fingers on the counter as the woman looked at the computer and back at Jake over her glasses. "You have $32 in unpaid fines." she said icily. Jake glance around and it seemed every one in the library had stopped what they were doing to stare at him. He sighed again, paid the fine, picked up his book and was on his way. Jake locked himself in his bedroom and continued where he left off but it wasn't long before he'd fallen asleep. At exactly 1:00 am Jake woke up. There was a young woman in his room. She had a milky complexion and was dressed like Stevie Nicks. "Who are you?" Jake asked, "And what are you doing in my bedroom?" "Didn't Evan tell you that I was coming?" Jake shrugged his shoulders. "The guy in the wheel chair?" the woman prodded. "Oh, goddamnit, that guy!" Jake put his hand to his forehead. "I am the ghost of masterbation past! Come - er, take my hand, I want to show you something." said the ghost, sounding much more ghostly now. Jake couldn't resist her so he took her hand and together they flew out the window into the cold night.	Evguenie Sokolov

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