time: Thursday 13 May 99 10:22 PM
from:
host: abb5d27.dial.uniserve.ca
MESSAGE:

Who's the Duke of Zizz?
Nice that your back, anyway...

time: Monday 17 May 99 - Half past 3 PM
from: Philip
host: 1Cust216.tnt3.nyc3.da.uu.net
e-mail: fishie_pie@hotmail.com
subject: The Duke of Zizz
MESSAGE:

famous children's rhyme from Mother Goose:

Ye Grande Olde Duke of Zizz
Was overfulle with fizz
He gorged himselfe on Poppe-rocks
And thus, no longer is...

time: Wednesday 19 May 99 10:05 AM
from: Philip
host: 207.237.57.22
e-mail: fishie_pie@hotmail.com
subject: Tandemonium*
MESSAGE:

Wow, I've missed y'all. Cuddles is especially conspicuous in her absence; she seems to be racking up quite a few more future spankings than even lanark is prepared to give.


*NOTE: West Germany's GSI labs may have fused zinc and lead to produce Ununbium, atomic number 112, back in 1996, but don't let that fool you into thinking it's the heaviest element. Here at the Tandem Lounge, though, we know that the heaviest element known to nature is our own discovery of Tandemonium, whose atomic weight of 113, corresponding as it does so aesthetically with the Law of Fives, maes it the heaviest metal of all. With a half-life just slightly shorter than the time it takes the average 15-year-old male to achieve manual orgasm within an eighteen-inch radius of the epicenter of the June 1997 "wet-suit" issue of Hustler magazine, Tandemonium is certain to offer its own unique contributions to the ongoing process of rendering Planet Earth uninhabitable for most carbon-based life-forms. Stay tuned!

time: Wednesday 19 May 99 - Quarter after 11 PM
from: Chris
host: vault-particle.Berkeley.EDU
subject: heavy metal isotopes
MESSAGE:

Goodness me! I just saw a fascinating talk about the amazingly powerful method by which biological principals of mating and genetic recombination have been applied to materials science to create new compounds with incredibly diverse properties by combinatorially combining elements via a masked array application process such that the resulting hybrids can sample a more meaningful segment of combination space with regard to the periodic table than would otherwise be possible through rational design. Too bad they didn't have the pandemonium inducing power of Tandemonium to toy with! Philip, you'll make millionaires and intellectual drunkards of us all yet! Once again, in Philip's presence, coolness abides.

time: Thursday 20 May 99 3:04 PM
from: Philip
host: 207.237.57.22
subject: abiding coolness
MESSAGE:

That's only because I'm recently become employed as the man who turns the light on in the fridge when you open the door...

time: Friday 21 May 99 8:18 AM
from: lanark
host: 206.145.121.17
subject: millionaires and drunkards
MESSAGE:

The shame of it is that the latter doesn't naturally evolve into the former or young Phillip'd have a Phillipine island for us all.

time: Friday 21 May 99 8:51 AM
from: Philip
host: 207.237.57.22
MESSAGE:

wha?

time: Monday 24 May 99 - Half past 9 AM
from: Lanark
host: 32.minneapolis-01-02rs.mn.dial-access.att.net
subject: wha?
MESSAGE:

Oh, never mind. I'm going to go and read the paper and more coffee now.

time: Monday 24 May 99 7:48 PM
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust129.tnt3.santa-clara.ca.da.uu.net
e-mail: csrichards@easrthlink.net
subject: guilty as charged of conspicuous absenteeism
MESSAGE:

Just don't spank me with a wet noodle!

I shudder to think of all that I've missed. And I have absolutely no excuse save laziness and *gasp* writer's block. But for now, I face the daunting task of catching up. I know nothing of the periodic table or heavy metal except for the tendancy of drummers to meet untimely deaths and dismembering accidents.

time: Tuesday 25 May 99 7:46 AM
from: Lanark
host: 159.minneapolis-06-07rs.mn.dial-access.att.net
e-mail: ignavia@worldnet.att.net
subject: fear not! Ms. Cuddles
MESSAGE:

Well, don't worry too much. things ain't progressed a whole lot as of late as the summer kicks into action and folks spend less time indoors. (and the end time of school and such kick into high gear)
as for writer's block, just dive back in. or read and ruminate. it'll come back to you. it always does.

time: Wednesday 26 May 99 5:17 PM
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust45.tnt2.santa-clara.ca.da.uu.net
subject: Aaack!
MESSAGE:

Okay, Mr. Seidel. Chapter 3 of the public tandem is 23 pages long! My printer ran out of ink not even halfway through! Not that that's your problem. Oh well. I guess I will, as Lanark suggested, dive back in - blindly at that!

time: Thursday 27 May 99 8:47 PM
from: Aquila
host: abb5d4.dial.uniserve.ca
MESSAGE:

I got sick of the game show/cartoon thing, maybe I'm not creative enough, I hope the change back to reality is OK.

time: Thursday 27 May 99 8:59 PM
from: Aquila
host: abb5d4.dial.uniserve.ca
MESSAGE:

By the way, whoever began the Members Only Tandem, Evelyn is a bloody hard name to spell!

time: Saturday 29 May 99 3:39 PM
from: Lanark
host: 206.145.121.217
subject: Difficult
MESSAGE:

How can it be difficult to spell "Evelyn" if it's neatly typed in the paragraph right above the one you are adding?

time: Monday 31 May 99 12:39 AM
from: Chris
host: 207.82.49.151
subject: moldy toast
MESSAGE:

Ouch! Sorry about the length Cuddles. We're all creatures of neglect. But the periodic nature of Tandemonium with it's unique balance of elementary particles will ocassionally oscillate at a frequency which captivates and reels in the attention of those whose services it desires. And so the lawn will be mowed in due time. In the interval, enjoy the smell of words waving randily in the breeze, releasing their pollen to the wind, and accept a word of caution to the modem connected, forced to download thousand of blades of grass on a single click o' the mouse because the groundskeeper's been away, and let the grasses grow too long. So long that they'll choke all the life out of a print cartridge as easily as a weedwacker burns out in the cornfield.

time: Monday 31 May 99 4:33 PM
from: Aquila
host: abb5d24.dial.uniserve.ca
MESSAGE:

It is hard when you forget the e all the time. Which I tend to do when I in a hurry. But who really cares anyway.

time: Monday 31 May 99 4:35 PM
from:
host: abb5d24.dial.uniserve.ca
MESSAGE:

Just like I forgot the m on I'm.

time: Tuesday 1 Jun 99 9:19 AM
from: Philip
host: sgfw1.siegelgale.com
MESSAGE:

For that same reason (premature senility on my part, caused by the ingestion of too much cheese in my youth) I favor a uni-case alphabet consisting only of the letters X, Z, Q and an umlauted O.

Speaking of which, as a simple sort of survey: thinking of vowels and consonants, and then thinking of coniferous and deciduous trees, which do you think corresponds to which?

By the way, cuddles & Chris, I'm relocating to your (i.e. left) coast in a few months.

time: Tuesday 1 Jun 99 11:00 AM
from: Philip
host: sgfw1.siegelgale.com
subject: Public TS
MESSAGE:

Also, I'd like to nominate Lanark for the 1999 "Valiantly Struggling Against Hordes of Complete Eediots" Best Tandem Herd-Dog Award. He's earned it.

time: Tuesday 1 Jun 99 5:35 PM
from: Aquila
host: abb5d15.dial.uniserve.ca
MESSAGE:

Vowels-deciduous
Consanants-coniferous

time: Tuesday 1 Jun 99 5:51 PM
from: Aquila
host: abb5d15.dial.uniserve.ca
MESSAGE:

By the way, is it possible to see who has written what on the Members Only Story?

time: Wednesday 2 Jun 99 10:04 AM
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust205.tnt2.santa-clara.ca.da.uu.net
MESSAGE:

Seems like that Matthew Hickey story is a little out of control in more ways than one. Philip, congratulations on the move. I hope you will be actually near the coast because if your not you'll probably be in the desert. Which of the coastal states will you be settling in?

time: Wednesday 2 Jun 99 10:44 AM
from: Philip
host: sgfw1.siegelgale.com
e-mail: fishie_pie@hotmail.com
subject: relocations
MESSAGE:

It's looking like Portland, though I imagine I'll try and find a place on the Washington bank of the Columbia, so as to take advantage of the Grunge State's absence of income tax. Ever been to Portland?

time: Thursday 3 Jun 99 7:09 PM
from: Lanark
host: 20.minneapolis-01-02rs.mn.dial-access.att.net
subject: For what it's worth
MESSAGE:

The Skoptzy were/are real. I just read about them in a book called "An Underground Education" by Richard Zacks. A lovely book full of fun fact to know and tell. (http://www.enfant.org/) has a little history about them if anybody feels so inclined.
It just seemed so appropriate.

time: Friday 4 Jun 99 1:18 PM
from: Philip
host: sgfw1.siegelgale.com
e-mail: fishie_pie@hotmail.com
subject: Public TS
MESSAGE:

Chris -- will you kill that last entry, the one immediately following Lanark's edge-of-my-virtual-seat expiation of the Cult of the Golden Eunuch? There are no words for... I words cannot... I mean the closest I can get to describing it would be the following scenario: A man crawls into bed at night only to find that it is full of live slugs. Unfortunately, however, he lacks air-conditioning or even a simple electric fan, and the night is just too stickily humid to be complimented by a bedfull of slugs. Any other time -- those cool gentle evenings of springtime, or the mild early crisp nights of autumn, it might be worth a go... but not... in the thick... of July.

By the way, I must highly recommend, to each and every one of you, Louis Hyde's noteworthy Trickster Makes This World, now available in paperback, but worth every dollar the hardcover cost me when it came out.

time: Saturday 5 Jun 99 5:24 PM
from: Lanark
host: 149.minneapolis-06-07rs.mn.dial-access.att.net
e-mail: ignavia@worldnet.att.net
subject: rollin' rollin' rollin' keep them doggies rollin'....
MESSAGE:

It seems one must be ever vigilante over the realms at one's disposal lest the forces of the unwashed minions of the vaguely literate get the upper hand.
(sigh)
I reread the entire Hickey saga today. It's almost coherent and so many possibilities....
But for now, my ten gallon hat and spurs must grace the ranch house door as I must ruminate a bit over an icy barley/hops beverage. (and await reinforcements, shouting "Shane! Come back, Shane!" to the wide Montana sky while the tale of the dead dog winds to a close)

time: Sunday 6 Jun 99 3:34 PM
from: Aquila
host: abb5d22.dial.uniserve.ca
MESSAGE:

Portland's nice, except the fact that it's in the States. I prefer Vancouver.

time: Sunday 6 Jun 99 - Half past 9 PM
from: Lanark
host: 198.minneapolis-21-22rs.mn.dial-access.att.net
subject: housecleaning
MESSAGE:

Hope the end of school stuff's going well there for you, Mr. Seidel.
Take your time. do what you need to do. It seems everything's getting back on track again after a bit of the usual sort of interruptions, so just some housecleaning is all that needs doing round Pangloss country.
If it helps, when I read the Hickey saga back (the wonders of a slow work day) I noticed that "Merlin"'s long-ass Doom/Rambo tangent got double posted, as well as I think something I put in. (all these shiny buttons on my doo-hickey-ma-bob get me flustered sometime)
It'll be good to have you back.

time: Sunday 6 Jun 99 9:35 PM
from: Lanark
host: 198.minneapolis-21-22rs.mn.dial-access.att.net
subject: oh, and by the way
MESSAGE:

for all of you out there in Tandem Land who are devotees of the fake news of theOnion.com, might I suggest that you point your chosen browsers to www.obscurestore.com for a taste of real news.
Umm...just go

time: Monday 7 Jun 99 10:35 AM
from: Philip
host: sgfw1.siegelgale.com
e-mail: fishie_pie@hotmail.com
subject: Portland vs. Vancouver
MESSAGE:

Oh, hell yes, I'd live in Vancouver in a heartbeat if it weren't for the fact of its being in Canada, a difficult place for Americans to move to/work in. Seattle was nicer when it was quiet, back in the eighties; don't think I'd move there now. Portland seems habitable.

time: Monday 7 Jun 99 - PM The big hand is on the 5 The little hand is on the 33.
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust43.tnt2.santa-clara.ca.da.uu.net
subject: Portland
MESSAGE:

I've been to Portland once. I was actually looking into relocating there. But my husband got a job in silicon valley instead. Which is okay. I like the Bay area alot and I still love California in spite of it's governors and schools.

time: Monday 14 Jun 99 11:57 AM
from: Philip
host: nyc-pix.truenorth.com
e-mail: fishie_pie@hotmail.com
MESSAGE:

Where is everyone?

time: Monday 14 Jun 99 1:00 PM
from: Philip
host: nyc-pix.truenorth.com
e-mail: fishie_pie@hotmail.com
MESSAGE:

by the way, a visit to the following URL never hurt:

http://master.ph.utexas.edu/TxVC/TreeOfLife/JMcFarland/mcfarland/insects/identify/earwig.htm

time: Monday 14 Jun 99 6:11 PM
from: Chris
host: vault-particle.Berkeley.EDU
subject: luscious insects
MESSAGE:

"Earwigs have shortened, leathery wings that cannot
be used for flying or no wings at all. They are
recognized by their slender body shape and by the
forceps-like pinchers at the tip of the abdomen."

Sounds like my favorite dominatrix.

time: Tuesday 15 Jun 99 11:31 AM
from:
host: du24.cli.ptd.net
subject: Giving Philip and Lanark the finger
MESSAGE:

Hey Chris, I know you're a busy man, what with your favorite dominatrix and all, but if you ever have a chance, I think these guys still deserve some kind of metallic phinger award. Are you still trying to decide what "type" of finger to give them? If you need help, we could take a little survey...

time: Tuesday 15 Jun 99 12:22 AM
from: Philip
host: nyc-pix.truenorth.com
e-mail: fishie_pie@hotmail.com
MESSAGE:

The Alice Cooper Band was originally called The Earwigs. Their manager thought it a disgusting name and asked them to change it, so they changed it to The Spiders.

time: Tuesday 15 Jun 99 3:48 PM
from: Lanark
host: 53.minneapolis-13-14rs.mn.dial-access.att.net
subject: More info than you bargained for
MESSAGE:

And then after Alice split from the original line up to go solo (and dry out)
the Band recruited two more people and changed their name the Billion Dollar Babies and put out one record on Arista called "Axe" in 1977.
I saw it in a used record store today. Listened to about thirty seconds of it at a listening station. Suffice it to say, I did not purchase it.
(although the 1971 Donovan double LP of children's poems set to music was quite tempting.....)

time: Tuesday 15 Jun 99 5:02 PM
from: Chris
host: vault-particle.Berkeley.EDU
subject: Does Alice still live here?
MESSAGE:

Yes well my dominatrix keeps me busy and well disciplined 'round the clock. There's no getting away from the crackling whipper snap of my dominatrix. Science is her name. And she is ruthless.

Suddenly I have a craving for oatmeal cookies and milk.

I agree about giving the finger to the dynamic duo. In fact I settled on an appropriate title several months ago, and was simply waiting for a stray packet of inspirational boost and an accompanying dose of free time to nail it down. Now if I can just remember what it was that I decided on......I'm sure I wrote it down somewhere.......was it platinum vienna sausage fingers award? I actually have a can of those in my backpack at this very moment. I was hoping they'd come in handy at the A's/Dodgers game last week. But what with beer at $5.50 a pop I didn't even come close to the required state of innebriation at which those things become palatable. And so the weight is mine to carry. My financial aid packet made good fodder for making paper airplanes nonetheless.

time: Wednesday 16 Jun 99 9:16 AM
from: Philip
host: 198.143.86.124
e-mail: fishie_pie@hotmail.com
MESSAGE:

Too bad about that "Billion Dollar Babies" tragedy. They should only have been as talented as Supertramp, who continued ably on after the unfortunate defection of lead vocalist Roger Hodgson to a commune of fundamentalist Zoroastrian guerillas somewhere in Afghanistan, eventually releasing such brilliant classics of his own as "Songs of a Rambling Spitama" and "The Dakhma-Nashini Mode of Disposal of the Dead: Duets for Voice and Prepared Gatha."

Chris -- wasn't it the iron sausage award or something?
B'way, did you get the funding you were hoping for?

time: Wednesday 16 Jun 99 10:00 AM
from: Philip
host: 198.143.86.124
subject: laughing at oneself promotes a firm stool
MESSAGE:

(from this week's Onion)

"My Short Fiction Will Restore America's Romantic Spirit"
By Michael LaFleur
Fiction Writer

Sadly, when I look around America today, I see a lack of romantic spirit. Men and women are no longer filled with wonder for the ethereal forces that drive them together. They're not looking up, starry-eyed, at the shimmering night sky. They're not dreaming of the dawn. They're not talking about love! But once my short fiction starts getting published, that should all change.

Do you doubt the power of love? If only you could read my work. I recently wrote a semi-autobiographical piece about a torrid love affair which occurred some four years ago at choral camp, wherein my heart was opened to the wonders of love and then cruelly quashed at summer's end. You surely would have been moved.

I recently decided to share a piece of my short fiction, a work titled "Stopwatch," with Anna, a young woman I know from The Writer's Nook. It's about a man named Etal who watches a dog playing in the street while he eats his morning breakfast. Finally, Etal brings a ham-on-croissant out to the dog, but the dog turns and runs away.

Anna said she didn't really understand the story, because nothing seemed to happen. She didn't even notice the anagram! This is what I struggle with daily--minds that have been welded firmly shut, leaving romance and intrigue out in the cold.

When Anna sees my work reprinted in Granta, America's leading short-fiction quarterly, she will reconsider her opinion. I've gone through Writer's Market and submitted tales of love and anguish to over 150 different publications, including my favorites, Ploughshares and Glimmer Train, with no reply as of yet. I was ecstatic to get a letter from Story yesterday, but upon opening it, I found it to be an offer for 30 percent off a year's subscription.

I haven't actually had work published yet--except for a pamphlet on Hepatitis B I once did for the Campus Health Service--but it won't be long before an editor catches wind of how fresh, new and different my work is. Then, all of America will be losing themselves in the rhapsodic prose of Michael LaFleur. Then, once again, America will look at the world and see beauty beneath the thick, impermeable coat of the dust of discontent.

Until I can earn a living doing short fiction full-time, I'll still have to keep my job at Books-A-Lot. All of my free time, though, I spend with pen in hand, formulating in my mind that crucial opening paragraph. Again and again, I must tell my roommates to keep their game of Pictionary a little quieter, because I am busy creating the next Great American Novella.

I like to carry my special writing notebook wherever I go, in case I am suddenly hit with the ending for one of the many tales that are percolating in my head. Sometimes, when I'm in line at the convenience store, I am struck by the particular way the cashier is holding her head, and I am compelled to get out my notebook and capture it. I notice these little things.

When I'm at Shakespeare's Espresso, I spread my notebook, my Powerbook and my velveteen-covered dream journal across the table and spend hours working at my art. All the employees know how driven I am. Sometimes they worry for my welfare and suggest that I stop for the night and go home, as I'm usually there right up until closing time, slaving away. But that's the kind of dedication it takes.

Everyone at last summer's Concordia College Young Writer's Workshop was very encouraging, praising my ability to come up with countless metaphors for crying. They know talent when they see it. You can bet on this: Once America finally gets the chance to read my short fiction, Michael LaFleur will be as big a household name as Ethan Canin or Lorrie Moore!

time: Wednesday 16 Jun 99 5:26 PM
from: Philip
host: 198.143.86.124
subject: the little people
MESSAGE:

by the way -- I have seen at least one, and often as many as three, dwarves per day for the last two weeks. Which I take to be an omen to the effect that our dear friend Mr. Tickles is scratching at the inside of his coffin or closet, or the slimy undersurface of whatever stone he's been hibernating under, itching to be out and lecherous now that the warm weather's upon us and all the ladies are wearing those peek-up-able sundresses...

time: Thursday 17 Jun 99 9:50 AM
from: Chris
host: socrates.Berkeley.EDU
subject: sun dresses and nice legs
MESSAGE:

Well the funding I was looking for came in the way of a part time job. Fortunately it's a professional part time job. It's cool. It's interesting.

By the way, Hickey's Travails are getting pretty ripe for a conclusion if anyone is willing or up to the task of finishing it off and starting a new thread. Feel free to do whatever.

time: Thursday 17 Jun 99 4:06 PM
from: Philip
host: 198.143.86.124
e-mail: if_you_don't_know_it_by_now_you're_in_deep_sh@
MESSAGE:

Well, I nominate Lanark for that distasteful task.

time: Thursday 17 Jun 99 4:06 PM
from: Philip
host: 198.143.86.124
e-mail: if_you_don't_know_it_by_now_you're_in_deep_sh@
MESSAGE:

Well, I nominate Lanark for that distasteful task.

time: Thursday 17 Jun 99 8:59 PM
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust67.tnt3.santa-clara.ca.da.uu.net
MESSAGE:

I think there is an echo in here.

time: Friday 18 Jun 99 10:51 AM
from: Philip
host: 198.143.86.124
e-mail: fishie_pie@hotmail.com
subject: echoes & other good stuff
MESSAGE:

So I was impatient. The web was being sluggish. I clicked the little button twice. So sue me, Mrs. Richards...

--------

the discerning tandemist is forthwith directed towards:

http://www.doodie.com/mick.html

for the number-two-ologically inclined, even better than Taro Gomi & Amanda Mayer Stinchecum's Everyone Poops.

time: Friday 18 Jun 99 2:40 PM
from: lanark
host: 206.145.121.229
subject: poop
MESSAGE:

Oh sure, put the onus on me. Yeah, let's let Lanark grunt and squeeze out an ending 'cuz we're literately constipated. Have him snap the prosaic log of Matthew J. Hickey. When it hits the fan, it'll be his fault....

Ok, that's as far as I can take the metaphor. I've been working on it, butt time's been an essence as of late. I got it covered.

time: Friday 18 Jun 99 3:29 PM
from: Philip
host: 198.143.86.124
subject: lanark's cryptic "butt time's been an essence" posting
MESSAGE:

As the great Paul Lind so aptly put it, I don't want to watch, and I don't to know...

time: Saturday 19 Jun 99 2:39 PM
from: Philip
host: 198.143.86.124
subject: Curiousity may have killed the cat, however...
MESSAGE:

OK, lanark, I give up, I'm dying of curiosity: what exactly is "butt time," and by what specific criteria constitute (constipate) its being "an essence" or not? Tangentially, should guests remember to bring their gas masks?

time: Sunday 20 Jun 99 8:09 AM
from: Lanark
host: 206.145.121.217
subject: A typo or Freudian slip?
MESSAGE:

Perhaps the gut racking trauma of constipation as illustrated so well by Screamin' Jay.
Maybe it's just the elusive minutes and hours necessary to waste in front of a glowing box and keyboard.
It could also refer to the time left in the day post work to indulge in the enjoyment of tobacco products.
How about a monent or two to enjoy a meal of pork roast.

time: Monday 21 Jun 99 11:21 AM
from: Philip
host: 198.143.86.124
subject: Lanark-as-a-reincarnated Marilyn-Monroe in 6 lines or less
MESSAGE:

A savory meal of pork roast
Does not brand you a milquetoast...
But then again, tell-tale tumescence,
Abutting butt-time in its essence,
Proves true what started as a quip:
Don't stand over gratings in that Freudian slip.

time: Monday 21 Jun 99 12:44 AM
from:
host: du75.cli.ptd.net
subject: Lanark's butt time
MESSAGE:

I figured he was either gay or in prison.

time: Monday 21 Jun 99 2:05 PM
from: Philip
host: 198.143.86.124
subject: Out of the void, at last, the Leather Nun speaks
MESSAGE:

Now, now, let's be nice...

time: Monday 21 Jun 99 3:58 PM
from:
host: du174.cli.ptd.net
subject: Nuns are always nice
MESSAGE:

I didn't think I wasn't being nice. It's not like I accused him of being a member of NAMBLA. When I read his "butt time" comment I had a "vision" of him and his cellmates enjoying a game of drop the soap during a group shower.
By the way, I saw 3 dwarfs myself last week. It's clearly a sign from God to bring back Mr. Tickles.

time: Monday 21 Jun 99 4:25 PM
from: Philip
host: 198.143.86.124
e-mail: TheC@intheH@
MESSAGE:

Yeah, see enough dwarves and I start suspecting every cat I see of actually being a dwarf in a cat-suit... Blame it on the brown acid I took at Lilith Fair last summer...

time: Tuesday 22 Jun 99 7:10 AM
from: Philip
host: 198.143.86.124
subject: Public TS
MESSAGE:

Damn, but as bad as it's gotten, I've rarely seen so many simultaneously loser postings in a single night as last night yielded

time: Tuesday 22 Jun 99 - AM The big hand is on the 9 The little hand is on the 25.
from: Lanark
host: 43.minneapolis-01-02rs.mn.dial-access.att.net
subject: sigh
MESSAGE:

It would seem that puns are beyond the grasp of most of you deviant minded literalists. (although, I do find it slightly amusing to imagine the lot of you laying awake at night pondering my anus.)

Anywise, as to Mr Tickles, I think that Cuddles has seemingly led the way for his triumphant reintroduction with the addition to the Hickey saga of Timmy.
hmmm...A halfwit wild boy in a catsuit...

time: Tuesday 22 Jun 99 9:36 AM
from: Philip
host: 198.143.86.124
MESSAGE:

Well, we're not pondering your anus per se -- Flatman keeps us busy in that department -- it was more the notion of "butt-time" and "essence" -- considered as an organic model for a time machine -- hell, such questions are surely worth pondering -- Alfred Jarry rewrote the Passion of Christ as an uphill bicycle race...

time: Tuesday 22 Jun 99 12:23 AM
from: Philip
host: 198.143.86.124
e-mail: fishie_pie@hotmail.com
subject: Flatman's favorite website
MESSAGE:

http://www.farts.net/

-- not to be missed. Bring the whole family!

time: Wednesday 23 Jun 99 5:01 PM
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust222.tnt2.santa-clara.ca.da.uu.net
subject: Lanark's powers of observation
MESSAGE:

And I thought nobody noticed Timmy-kins - my 'special' guy.

time: Wednesday 23 Jun 99 6:32 PM
from:
host: du24.cli.ptd.net
subject: Fan mail for cuddles
MESSAGE:

Not only did we notice Timmy, but Cheetoh the dead squirrel dog was a beautiful touch. Then I turned to the MOTS that day and the image of Flatman "scooping up his soiled tights with his head held high" brought tears to my eyes".
Even funnier than contemplating Lanark's anus.

time: Wednesday 23 Jun 99 7:20 PM
from: Lanark
host: 56.minneapolis-05-10rs.mn.dial-access.att.net
subject: Hey Buddy !
MESSAGE:

Listen up, There's nothing funny about my sphincter.

Timmy's great. He and Mr. Tickles make as lovely and dynamic pairing as any since "Of Mice and Midgets". (starring Keanu Reeves and Billy Barty, directed by Ron Howard from the script by Nora Ephron. Based loosely on a short story found in Ernest Hemingway's wastepaper basket after he died.)

time: Thursday 24 Jun 99 8:32 AM
from:
host: 198.143.86.124
subject: lines composed on little or no sleep
MESSAGE:

Literary Scatology

If Disney'd had a better mentor
Perhaps we'd have an F. Scott Center,
And something livelier than the void
In the wake of Ernest Hemmorhoid...

time: Thursday 24 Jun 99 - Quarter to 1 PM
from: Philip
host: 198.143.86.124
e-mail: fishie_pie@hotmail.com
subject: Vive L'anark y Cuddles
MESSAGE:

lovely conclusion to this installment in the ever-amazing saga of Matthew Hickey. What thrills and cliffhangers will come next in the epic story of the man Time magazine has called "a Wile E. Coyote of the Post-Ironic Age" one can only guess...





Meep-meep.

time: Wednesday 30 Jun 99 2:05 PM
from: Philip
host: nyf-ny8-30.ix.netcom.com
MESSAGE:

boy, it's quiet in here. I can almost hear myself digesting a fine lunch of black-bean hummus. But where, where, where in Sam Hill is everyone?