time: Feb 12 07:51 (Pacific Time)
from: Mr. Tickles
host: user-38ld1ja.dialup.mindspring.com
subject: The Fucktional Five
MESSAGE:
Whattaya mean — I screw only the very finest of annoyances! Hmmph!
time: Feb 12 10:07 (Pacific Time)
from: Lanark
host: 206.145.121.17
subject: tickles
MESSAGE:
I'm not so sure about that one. It sounds like sort of an incentive to me. (Mr Tickles being an expert cocksman as we all know.)
time: Feb 12 15:56 (Pacific Time)
from: Carolyn
host: cgowave-21-143.cgocable.net
e-mail: celamb@cgo.wave.ca
subject: Janice
MESSAGE:
Earlier in the story Janice's mind was taken over by the evil remote control. Now she's trying to take over the world and appears to be in cahoots with the Tooth Bitch and Cardinal Richeleiu. I'm sorry I brought her into the story but there's nothing we can do about it now. If we just dropped her people would say "Well what happened to Janice? What an annoying loose end." I've got an idea though, maybe I can get the evil remote control to write about the Fictional Five and then Mr. Tickles will screw out its brains! Then Janice will be nice again and she will mercifully withdraw to whatever universe the Fictional Five usually live in so Roger and his friends can deal with their bigger problems...
time: Feb 12 15:58 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1ja.dialup.mindspring.com
subject: the above posting
MESSAGE:
Carolyn, did you, like, try the brown acid at Woodstock or something?
time: Feb 12 16:09 (Pacific Time)
from: Carolyn
host: cgowave-21-143.cgocable.net
e-mail: celamb@cgo.wave.ca
subject: acid and remote controls
MESSAGE:
See? I got rid of Janice and the Fictional Five!!! It was a lot easier then I thought. As for Philip's question, ABSOLUTELY not. I'm just using my imagination too much I guess.
umm...OK...now that the..uh, "loose end" of the F5 has been....umm..."resolved" I suppose we can really get down to business now.
[I might also suggest that Carolyn keep the idea of the brown acid open as a possible enhancement for her imagination in future endeavors. (at least once she's graduated from junior high school, of course.)]
time: Feb 13 16:57 (Pacific Time)
from: Leather Nun
host: du58.cli.ptd.net
subject: This looks like a job for Sphincter Man
MESSAGE:
And if acid's not her thing, I'd be willing to make the supreme sacrifice of sharing a large quantity of my rectally administered psychopharmaceuticals if some good soul would volunteer to do the administering.
time: Feb 13 18:07 (Pacific Time)
from: Chris
host: vault-particle.Berkeley.EDU
MESSAGE:
As long as you remain certifiably sane and can eek out an honest living of some sort, I'd say there's no such thing as using your imagination too much.
time: Feb 14 11:08 (Pacific Time)
from: Carolyn
host: cgowave-21-143.cgocable.net
e-mail: celamb@cgo.wave.ca
subject: imagination
MESSAGE:
Good. I just thought if my imagination was so weird someone thought I was taking acid I might want to get a little more realistic.
time: Feb 15 08:01 (Pacific Time)
from: Leather Nun
host: du14.cli.ptd.net
subject: crazy people
MESSAGE:
Carolyn, are you saying that you are certifiably sane? I'd have to see that certificate with my own eyes to believe it.
time: Feb 15 10:41 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1gr.dialup.mindspring.com
e-mail: fishie_pie@hotmail.com
subject: sanity
MESSAGE:
Uh, I start to get, er, nervous, when the issue of, um, sanity, is brought up... I get these jitters, and, uh, I start to stuh-stuh-stutter, and...
OK. It's really annoying — to whichever of us are working really hard as tandem herd-dogs on a given story — when people get in and needlessly fuck up the story. There will always be such people, they are ultimately half the fun and challenge of doing this, but there is a big difference between those who should know better and those who shouldn't, comprendez-vous? And enough of that. I'm starting to sound like Mrs. Chiswick, my fifth grade teacher, who was so...
time: Feb 16 12:51 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1hi.dialup.mindspring.com
subject: text formatting...
MESSAGE:
Hey, Chris, I was rereading some of the old stuff and was dismayed to find that special characters — umlauted o's and u's, or the rare grammatical situation necessitating the use of the shy' elusive schwa — are not the same in ASCII as they are in html. My German turns to gobbledegook. Do you know any resources for how to get special characters in html?
muchas gracias, senor
time: Feb 16 17:10 (Pacific Time)
from: Aquila
host: abb5d23.dial.uniserve.ca
MESSAGE:
Wow. It's amazing how much the story changes in two weeks. Interesting work. I think I may have mixed up the Doctor (?) and Jake. Sorry if I screwed something up. Anyway, it's good to be back.
time: Feb 16 22:24 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust122.tnt1.santa-clara.ca.da.uu.net
e-mail: csrichards@earthlink.net
subject: What the ...?
MESSAGE:
Chris, my last entry seems to have been submitted okay, but it's not showing on the "add your part" page. It's showing the previous entry.
Aquila, it's good to have you back.
I wonder whatever happened to Ignacious. Anybody else remember him? He was good.
time: Feb 17 11:20 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1g4.dialup.mindspring.com
e-mail: fishie_pie@hotmail.com
subject: A Divers Compendivm of Svbjectes Various and Svndry...
MESSAGE:
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! The same thing just happened to me when I tried to post as happened to cuddles... could it be that Jake's insipid autosexual nightmare has invaded even this site? Gasp. "Gosh, Professor — we better get outta here. I don't like all this silence."
"I hate to say it, but I think you might have something there, Jimmy. Why, I haven't heard a bird chirping in so long I can't remember what birdsong sounds like..."
"It sure is nice havin' a third eye, though! If the guys back on Proxima could see me now..."
time: Feb 17 12:00 (Temps de la Pacifico)
from: Chris
host: vault-particle.Berkeley.edu
subject: Merde! And I thought I was going to get something done today.
MESSAGE:
Yikes! That really sucks. I just tried a test of the emergency Tandem System, and sure enough I was duped into thinking my submission went through when actually the computer is acting like a pissy malicious editor. I working on it. Novel problems are usually interesting, at least until they're figured out. Sorry about the mess.
time: Feb 17 12:52 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1g4.dialup.mindspring.com
subject: Injun Joe Strikes Again!
MESSAGE:
This smells unmistakeably like the work of Carolyn's evil remote control...
time: Feb 17 13:27 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust131.tnt1.santa-clara.ca.da.uu.net
subject: technological mysteries
MESSAGE:
Thanks for fixing it Chris. Unfortunately, we seem to have lost any entries posted during the problem. That material vortex must have sucked up all our words. Fortunately, I was able to put back what I wrote and still make sense.
time: Feb 17 13:38 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1g4.dialup.mindspring.com
subject: Never a dull moment
MESSAGE:
and then — whoops! — you and I overshot each other, cuddles.
Thanks for handling the emergency so assiduously, Chris — I thought Gotham was doomed for sure! (& for the handy html character thingamabob — I vote we give you the coveted Luminescent Finger award!) (for putting up with our ongoing nonsense...)
time: Feb 17 13:53 (Pacific Time)
from: Chris
host: vault-particle.Berkeley.EDU
MESSAGE:
Thanks, and you're welcome. I can easily swap those two overshot paragraphs. If that's ok?
time: Feb 17 15:19 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1g4.dialup.mindspring.com
subject: Overshot paragraphs
MESSAGE:
If the ubiquitous Mrs. Richards has no objections, then neither do I...
time: Feb 17 16:31 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust62.tnt2.santa-clara.ca.da.uu.net
MESSAGE:
no objections here
time: Feb 18 13:29 (Pacific Time)
from: Chris
host: vault-particle.Berkeley.EDU
subject: is an end in sight?
MESSAGE:
If someone wants to take the liberty of capping off this story and start a new one I'll take the cue and wrap it up. Feel free to frame it up for a sequel if you want to carry on certain aspects.
time: Feb 18 13:44 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust149.tnt1.santa-clara.ca.da.uu.net
subject: I must be psychic...or psychotic
MESSAGE:
Without having read your note, I sort of wrapped things up and I was going to come in here and say it smells like an ending. So, well, there you are.
time: Feb 18 13:58 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1gb.dialup.mindspring.com
subject: Here we go again...
MESSAGE:
[typed in posh British accent] Bracingly daft work there, Mrs. Richards!
Everyone else: I just want to say that I trust we've all grown older and decidedly wiser and more mature over the course of this last round, and furthermore, I trust that the next tandem story will do its all to promote clean, wholesome, Christian family values, rather than degenerating into a tragic cesspool of fornication as it has so many times in the past. Right then, one-two-three, here we go (bump, bump, bump, down the funny stairs!)
time: Feb 19 11:25 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1gu.dialup.mindspring.com
MESSAGE:
Hey Chris, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but go check out Poem o' the (unwashed; my stinky self included) Masses — it's doing the same thing the Tandem was two days ago...
time: Feb 19 12:13 (Pacific Time)
from: Aquila
host: abb5d9.dial.uniserve.ca
subject: More Problems
MESSAGE:
I think there's something wrong with Tandem again, too. What I wrote doesn't show on the "add your part" page. One other problem, it might just be my computer, but I can't find the ending of the Roger Weaver adventure. I'd love to read it, but I always end up reading something about a "damn remote control," and can't find anything written past that. Thanks.
time: Feb 19 13:06 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1gu.dialup.mindspring.com
e-mail: fishie_pie@hotmail.com
subject: Roger Weaver
MESSAGE:
Yeah, well, Aquila, this host of ours, this Seidel character, never seems to do anything for us, ha ha —
What you missed was: Roger got a sex change operation, was kidnapped by pirates, saved the world from a giant extraterrestrial race of artichokes, and got home just in time to join the Rolling Stones on their Enlarged Prostate Gland and New Hair Transplant Blues World Tour of 2029.
time: Feb 19 13:32 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1gu.dialup.mindspring.com
MESSAGE:
I haven't seen it do anything out of the ordinary today...
time: Feb 19 14:01 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1gj.dialup.mindspring.com
MESSAGE:
Nah, it's gotta be that ole Evil Remote Control in action.
time: Feb 19 15:25 (Pacific Time)
from: lanark
host: 206.145.121.17
subject: Mr. Seidel
MESSAGE:
thank you sir, you are a scholar and a gentleman
time: Feb 19 17:45 (Pacific Time)
from: Carolyn
host: cgowave-9-07.cgocable.net
e-mail: celamb@cgo.wave.ca
subject: repetition
MESSAGE:
If this story is starting to sound like the Roger Weaver story (the inquisition and the gang are doing almost the same thing)feel free to add something really weird...
time: Feb 19 17:47 (Pacific Time)
from: Carolyn
host: cgowave-9-07.cgocable.net
e-mail: celamb@cgo.wave.ca
subject: the above message is incomplete
MESSAGE:
but not too weird of course. What is too weird you ask? Well thats up to you just don't make it unethical or insane.
time: Feb 19 19:12 (Pacific Time)
from: lanark
host: 64.minneapolis-08-09rs.mn.dial-access.att.net
subject: weird stories
MESSAGE:
How's about a story that doesn't involve torture, heavy duty fisticuffs, evil supervillains, world domination plots, mutants, aliens, remote controls, the sudden and random introduction and use of firearms, teen gangs or any other sort of Deus ex Machina. Golly! wouldn't THAT be weird?
time: Feb 19 22:40 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust230.tnt3.santa-clara.ca.da.uu.net
subject: weird stories
MESSAGE:
Gee, Lanark, you haven't left us anything to write about at all! Killjoy.
time: Feb 20 12:55 (Pacific Time)
from: Carolyn
host: cgowave-9-07.cgocable.net
e-mail: celamb@cgo.wave.ca
subject: insanity
MESSAGE:
Gee Lanark, I didn't mean to go that far. When I said not to write insane stuff I just meant if the story doesn't make any sense it's no fun.
time: Feb 20 15:34 (Pacific Time)
from: Aquila
host: abb5d7.dial.uniserve.ca
MESSAGE:
The weirder, the funner, the better. (Is funner a word?) The more insane, the more imagination it takes to write. The story is a little dull, every potential problem has been stopped.
Thanks for putting Roger's story in the library, Chris.
time: Feb 21 04:24 (Pacific Time)
from: Lanark
host: 92.minneapolis-08-09rs.mn.dial-access.att.net
subject: misunderstandings
MESSAGE:
Actually I think y'all misunderstand me. The invective is actually about the abuse of the the word "Suddenly" (ie. "suddenly everyone pulled out automatic weapons and began using them...", "suddenly giant robots with laser cannons dropped from the sky...", "suddenly half the character turned evil and a giant fistfight between good and evil began...", "Suddenly Doctor X appeared and began his evil plot for world domination...") the sort of stuff that makes the story turn into just another episode of "The Herculoids"(good guys hang out. bad guys appear. they fight.) and is the literary equilalent of kicking over the sandcastle that we've built. I think we're capable of much more interesting stuff than that.
I've got nothing against weirdness, sex or violence (they're hobbies)and the nature of this beast is comic book plots, I just think we could maybe shoot more for "Yummy Fur" as opposed to "Super Friends"
time: Feb 21 12:45 (Pacific Time)
from: Carolyn
host: cgowave-9-07.cgocable.net
e-mail: celamb@cgo.wave.ca
subject: weirdness
MESSAGE:
I think the story should be as strange as it can be as long as it make sense.
Here is and example of not making sense:
"One day we were all writing a story. The flashlight shot up in the air and exploded. Suddenly everyone fell out of the cloud. Half the characters appeared and started using them. The end."
The point I am trying to make is (I hope I don't absolutely blow it this time because it's the fourth time I've tried to explain it) if an average person, after reading the entire story, can explain what the story is about (with no upper limit on the number of words he uses) then the story makes enough sense to qualify as "making sense". I have nothing against surrealistic or abnormal plots in themselves.
If you don't understand that let me know and I'd be happy to explain it further.
Also I accidentaly submitted my addition to the story before it was done. I have put the finished version right after it. Could Chris please edit out the unfinished version?
I think the story should entirely and singularly center around the sexual exploits of an earthworm. Earthworms are hermaphrodite, so we wouldn't have to have more than one character.
time: Feb 22 07:10 (Pacific Time)
from: Lanark
host: 163.minneapolis-06-07rs.mn.dial-access.att.net
subject: the saga continues?
MESSAGE:
Perhaps an earthworm named Jake
time: Feb 22 11:15 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1g1.dialup.mindspring.com
MESSAGE:
something here smacks of that palpably uncomfortable silence which ensues after a lovers' spat...
time: Feb 22 11:46 (Pacific Time)
from: spackle
host: 27.minneapolis-03-04rs.mn.dial-access.att.net
subject: more to the point
MESSAGE:
it smacks rather more of junior high being in session.
time: Feb 22 12:27 (Pacific Time)
from: Mr. Tickles
host: user-38ld1g1.dialup.mindspring.com
MESSAGE:
Lovers' spats... junior high... moist, juicy adolescents in zesty sauce picante... A veritable picture of Heaven to these tired eyes...
time: Feb 22 16:04 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust143.tnt1.santa-clara.ca.da.uu.net
subject: kiljoys all
MESSAGE:
Lanark, I was only kidding when I called you a killjoy. I understand your point. Suddenly does tend to be overused. So are hallucinations to explain bizarre tangents. They are both too easy.
We're still having fun, right?
time: Feb 22 18:15 (Pacific Time)
from: Lanark
host: 210.minneapolis-06-07rs.mn.dial-access.att.net
subject: oh yeah.
MESSAGE:
Actually I thought hallucinations could be a good sort of leit motif for this one, a convenient way of pushing things forward in the most goatherd like manner. (and a good way to get around some of the more blatant irritations)
[and Ms. Cuddles, I truly didn't mean you in any sense of the above.]
time: Feb 23 11:00 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1hm.dialup.mindspring.com
MESSAGE:
Yeah, I mean, the hallucination thing is pretty banal, but when, say, Mr. Tickles (tailed by Officer Pencilthinmoustache) is riding his velocipede down the street en route to an afternoon tryst with Winona Ryder, and ssome gets on and posts some nonsense like:
And then Karl turned into a petunia and Becky laughed at him hahhhaaheeeho and they all went home to the land of Teletubbies and ate wonderbread and then they died of eating too many popsicles
...what's to do? I dislike ignoring it outright. It's always nice to have it coming out of a TV, radio, or passing police car, or else as a brief aside, internal monologue, hallucination, or dream...
time: Feb 23 13:23 (Pacific Time)
from: Chris
host: vault-particle.Berkeley.EDU
subject: errant passages
MESSAGE:
Well, there are three things that come to mind for dealing with nonsequitur-ious insertions.
1.) Transform them into something meaningful. e.g. "He passed by Karl, Petunia and Becky who were standing on the sidewalk as he rode by. They laughed at him because of his short pants. "hahhhaaheeeho" and they all went home to eat sushi and escape to the land of Teletubbies. Tragically, their minutes were numbered as they died of eating too many pieces of raw fish. Fortunately Mr Tickles had declined their offer to join them. He had no stomach for raw fish. He preferred wonder bread and popsicles, he thought, as he rode on his way to meet Wynona."
Perhaps that's not the best example. Anyway, it's often fun to think of ways to overlay meaning on somone else's misguided posts. (instead of "suddenly they all died", "suddenly they all sat down and had tea"). That way you can preserve the fact the person X had input, while perhaps illustrating to them a way to make their input more productive (should they look back on the story). If you think you can rescue a post, send it to me and I will be glad to insert it in place of whatever random gibberish someone may have messed up the flow with. It's sort of a judgement call on your part, but I trust you. sometimes if I have time I try to fix up certain posts that are obviously the work of someone who doesn't care about the story and is simply delighted by the fact that they can mess it up on a whim.
2.) If you think the post has no redeeming qualities whatsoever, and don't care to address it or modify it, simply ignore it - go on with your post, and then bring it to my attention, and I can delete it.
3.) Treat it as a legitimate piece of the story. i.e. treat it as a dream or hallucination, acid flashback, or something else, as Philip has suggested above. I've noticed quite a few very creative transitions that have taken place at his hands, as well as others. Or, think of Gertrude Stein or John Lennon's novel (the name escape's me at the moment - but it is a great book of sentences that basically add up to nothing that makes any sense yet it's actually fun to read), which contain bits of text that aren't necessarily congruent with how we normally see things.
If you have any other suggestions, let me know.
time: Feb 23 13:59 (Pacific Time)
from: Lanark
host: 33.minneapolis-18-19rs.mn.dial-access.att.net
subject: the book in question
MESSAGE:
I believe the tome you refer to is "A Spaniard In The Works" by Lennon.
(it's got to be that because I can't possibly imagine the words "fun to read" and "Gertrude Stein" in the same sentence. But that might just be me.)
time: Feb 24 19:58 (Pacific Time)
from: Lanark
host: 223.minneapolis-01-02rs.mn.dial-access.att.net
subject: widely available now
MESSAGE:
it's one of the perks of having a professional widow.
time: Feb 25 13:39 (Pacific Time)
from: Carolyn
host: cgowave-9-07.cgocable.net
e-mail: celamb@cgo.wave.ca
subject: hallucinations
MESSAGE:
I thought I posted a very good message about how we were making Geraldine's hallucinations an important part of the story but it isn't here.
Does Chris know anything about this or did I just forget to click Post Message?
time: Feb 25 14:19 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1gf.dialup.mindspring.com
MESSAGE:
Musta been that ol' Evil Remote Control...
time: Feb 25 14:56 (Pacific Time)
from: Carolyn
host: cgowave-9-07.cgocable.net
e-mail: celamb@cgo.wave.ca
subject: remote controls
MESSAGE:
Gee, I thought Mr. Tickles had pried its brains out for writing about the Fictional Five!
time: Feb 26 07:48 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1j2.dialup.mindspring.com
e-mail: fishie_pie@hotmail.com
subject: The Evil Remote Control
MESSAGE:
Well, I don't think the word is "pried" ...
Hey, everyone, this one's going really tandemly...
time: Feb 26 11:48 (Pacific Time)
from: Carolyn
host: cgowave-9-07.cgocable.net
e-mail: celamb
subject: words
MESSAGE:
You're right. It was "screwed".
What does tandemly mean? I would look it up but I have a feeling it's not in the dictionary.
time: Feb 26 12:42 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1j2.dialup.mindspring.com
subject: Sniglets
MESSAGE:
tandemly ('tan-dem-lee) adj; (1) of or pertaining to the state of being tandem: in unison. (2) displaying a marked quality of synchronicity in no way related to the glib poetastery of balding British 'musicians' with one-syllable stage names. (3) displaying an unqualifiable fixation for such anomalous couplings of objects as, ex: dwarves and remote controls, female fivesomes and martinis, sex and the cartoon representatives of large snack-cake conglomerates, etc. (4) in human sexuality, of or pertaining to the simultaneous climaxing of two partners, e.g., "Roger brought me a new Iron Sausage last weekend and when we did it we orgasmed tandemly," whispered Anita as she sank into the Confessional, visibly wincing from the soreness in her nether regions.
time: Feb 26 15:24 (Pacific Time)
from: Carolyn
host: cgowave-9-07.cgocable.net
e-mail: celamb@cgo.wave.ca
subject: Thanks for the definition, but...
MESSAGE:
I think your addition to the story contradicts mine.
time: Feb 26 18:15 (Pacific Time)
from: Vladimir Nabokov
host: 213.minneapolis-18-19rs.mn.dial-access.att.net
e-mail: hhumbert@lolita.net
subject: the joys of contextual extraction
MESSAGE:
"Imagination, the supreme delight of the immortal and the immature, should be limited. In order to enjoy life, we should not enjoy it too much."
-Speak Memory, an autobiography revisited (1950)
time: Feb 27 10:05 (Pacific Time)
from: Carolyn
host: cgowave-9-07.cgocable.net
e-mail: celamb@cgo.wave.ca
subject: Um...
MESSAGE:
I'm not sure if that makes sense. Anyway what should we do about the contradictions?
time: Feb 27 17:36 (Pacific Time)
from: Carolyn
host: cgowave-9-07.cgocable.net
e-mail: celamb@cgo.wave.ca
subject: [much later]
MESSAGE:
I'm not sure if they matter that much but it might be confusing.
time: Feb 27 22:50 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust150.tnt2.santa-clara.ca.da.uu.net
subject: contradictions
MESSAGE:
Well, it's an imperfect world, especially here in Tandemland. I think one has to expect the odd contradiction now and then. Heck, sometimes the whole storyline is confusing.
time: Feb 28 23:57 (Pacific Time)
from: Chris
host: somewhere.oak.com
subject: fixed
MESSAGE:
I think I fixed it ok. More of Geraldine's sporadic visions.
time: Mar 1 11:36 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust16.tnt2.santa-clara.ca.da.uu.net
subject: a riddle
MESSAGE:
If takes a yard of buttermilk to knit a mosquito a pair of pants, how long would it take a cockroach with a wooden leg to bore a hole through a rotten tomato?
time: Mar 1 12:43 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1hl.dialup.mindspring.com
MESSAGE:
For each inch of tomato, multiply by twice the average performance length of "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Ant Farm."
time: Mar 1 13:55 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1hl.dialup.mindspring.com
MESSAGE:
Hey Chris, if you get a chance, will you change Anita to Geraldine in my most recent posting...
Thanks
time: Mar 1 15:45 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1hc.dialup.mindspring.com
MESSAGE:
Lanark and Cuddles: that was beautiful work back there with the little insect interlude! I think that's one of my favorite pieces we've done here...
time: Mar 2 14:35 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust183.tnt1.santa-clara.ca.da.uu.net
subject: Aw shucks.
MESSAGE:
Thanks, Philip. The cockroach just came to me one night but you and Lanark ran with it so superbly.
time: Mar 2 22:57 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust209.tnt2.santa-clara.ca.da.uu.net
subject: riddles
MESSAGE:
By the way, the answer to my riddle is that no matter how hard he tries, an elephant can't sit down on his trunk.
time: Mar 3 08:08 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1h7.dialup.mindspring.com
subject: Wandering bovines
MESSAGE:
Hey, I vote we remove that last posting after cuddles'. The overused "and then she woke up" motif combined with the grave insensitivity of calling Assistant Principal Hadley "Huxley" would be punishable by death in certain countries. Let's save this poor soul from his own innocence...
time: Mar 3 08:21 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1h7.dialup.mindspring.com
MESSAGE:
No, actually, revise that — just change Huckley to Hadley.
Cuddles: as ever, you are too humble.
time: Mar 3 08:43 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1h7.dialup.mindspring.com
subject: Overpost City
MESSAGE:
Actually, can you switch spackle's and my last two entries while you're at it? We overposted.
Lanark's "beauty mark" isn't real.
time: Mar 3 09:40 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust113.tnt1.santa-clara.ca.da.uu.net
subject: And then she woke up!?!
MESSAGE:
All that fine work wasted on a dream sequence? The gnomes were real I tell you!
time: Mar 3 11:02 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1h7.dialup.mindspring.com
subject: Bagel Gnomes
MESSAGE:
Oy Vey! And the kugel! Like my Oma's, I tell you!
time: Mar 3 12:54 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1h7.dialup.mindspring.com
MESSAGE:
Well, never say we didn't save you a bagel, Chris...
Chris: you are the best.
Cuddles: you are too.
Lanark: will feed you tomatoes and radio wire.
Actually Philip I think you are the best. Many times your posts in here and to the story have had me burst out load in laughter.
Announcement: After conferring with Philip (and actually at the suggestion of Kimbland) I made a Member's Tandem Story specifically for the creative and talented folks who tend to hang out in here. The idea was to make a place where people who tend to be more dedicated to a Tandem collaboration could have a place to post to a story with a little bit of protection against the random posts of the sort "....and then everyone died and cockroaches took over the earth and gave birth to aliens." from people who don't really care that much and don't mind pissing on the story simply because they can.
The disadvantages: anyone can see the story but to post to it requires a username and password. I dislike this sort of stuff. I hate remembering passwords. It will detract from the number of posters, and the random element (which is the strength of the Tandem Story in the first place) will be less random.
The advantages: I'm suddenly too tired to think of them at the moment, but basically the story can more easily retain a high quality. Dedicated posters can breath a little more freely since their fine work will be less likely to be the victim of "...and then she woke up."
The regular public Tandem Story will continue and people can post to whatever one they want. I certainly don't want one to thrive at the expense of the other. I just thought I'd try out the idea of having a "member's only" story.
Here how it works: Anyone can be a member. When I get some time I'll automate the username/password application stuff, but for the moment if you want a username and password simply contact me and tell me what username and password you would like. The address of the page is http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/MTandem/. To post to the story there's a link called "Assume the Muse". Clicking on that will prompt you for a username and password.
For now, anyone can post to it using the username: guest with password: guest. I think it actually works. It's pretty crude at the moment. No graphics, an obvious ripp off of the regular Tandem, and I'll be reworking and recoding it as I get time. If you have any suggestions or comments, let me know. Otherwise, have fun!
time: Mar 4 08:41 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1gh.dialup.mindspring.com
e-mail: fishie_pie@hotmail.com
MESSAGE:
Hooray... Most Merciful Allah be praised... Now I can while away TWICE as many billable hours writing Tandem fiction instead of working...
time: Mar 4 14:10 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust120.tnt1.santa-clara.ca.da.uu.net
MESSAGE:
Egads! Tandem story is taking over my life!
time: Mar 4 14:22 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1h0.dialup.mindspring.com
MESSAGE:
Perhaps it's the BORG in disguise... You are being assimilated...
time: Mar 4 17:21 (Pacific Time)
from: THE BORG
host: cgowave-9-07.cgocable.net
e-mail: BORG@space.monsters.cgi
subject: tandems
MESSAGE:
... and we have decided you are too creative to join us...
... enable the laser cannons, Borg2692, these are our enemies...
time: Mar 4 17:43 (Pacific Time)
from: Carolyn
host: cgowave-9-07.cgocable.net
e-mail: celamb@cgo.wave.ca
subject: [uh oh]
MESSAGE:
Turn on the sheilds, I think they're shooting BAGELS...
In case you wanted to know, I have a book of names and what they mean and Claude Clayton means "a lame guy who lives in a clay house"...
Who else would want to run a weekly hour long beer party? (this is MY opinion and you are allowed to disagree)
time: Mar 4 18:23 (Pacific Time)
from: Chris
host: vault-particle.Berkeley.EDU
subject: did someone say a week long hourly beer party?
MESSAGE:
I laughed out loud at your question Carolyn. Just promise me one thing. That you won't grow up to be an uptight administrator who tears down entertaining/satirical flyers advertising a weekly, problem free, decades old voluntary social event that takes place in the lobby of the building that the people attending the event work in.
time: Mar 4 21:30 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust186.tnt1.santa-clara.ca.da.uu.net
MESSAGE:
Imprisoned by jewish guilt. Brilliant!
time: Mar 5 10:02 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1j5.dialup.mindspring.com
subject: Geraldine
MESSAGE:
Yeah, that's awesome. This whole story in fact is my favorite so far.
time: Mar 5 12:12 (Pacific Time)
from: Lanark
host: 12.minneapolis-21-22rs.mn.dial-access.att.net
subject: the story thus far
MESSAGE:
Yeah, this one seems to be going pretty well so far. I just read the whole thing back and it really excells in tandemness. Folks are taking time to flesh out details along the way as opposed to an endless series of "And then...And then...and Suddenly"s. Plus all the characters are strong.
Ace work, all.
time: Mar 5 14:50 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust222.tnt1.santa-clara.ca.da.uu.net
subject: Laughing out loud
MESSAGE:
Phillip and Lanark, you two fucking crack me up!
time: Mar 5 15:16 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust175.tnt1.santa-clara.ca.da.uu.net
MESSAGE:
Oops, over post! Chris, Phillip got his post in before mine, I think a little editing would fix it up. Could you please?
time: Mar 5 15:17 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1j5.dialup.mindspring.com
MESSAGE:
...we don't go fucking up your crack, I think it'll all be okay.
Hey, Chris: with Mrs. Richards' saintly approval, will you switch cuddles and my last two entries? I think we overposted.
Have a lovely weekend all.
time: Mar 5 16:33 (Pacific Time)
from: Carolyn
host: cgowave-9-07.cgocable.net
e-mail: celamb@cgo.wave.ca
subject: administrators
MESSAGE:
Sure, I won't grow up to be an uptight administrator who tears down flyers. I'm not going to be an administrator at all. I just don't really approve of alcohol, and if people started drinking for whole hours you'll never catch me joining them! (Its OK to write about it in storys though. Sometimes it's kind of fun to think up what people do when thy're not thinking straight.)
Out of curiosity, how did you know I hadn't grown up yet? Did I tell you I was - (whatever age I am, I'm not telling you)? Because I don't remember telling you. Of course I could have just told you and forgot about it...
time: Mar 5 17:02 (Pacific Time)
from: Carolyn
host: cgowave-9-07.cgocable.net
e-mail: celamb@cgo.wave.ca
subject: interfering sisters
MESSAGE:
Could Chris please remove the two additions with "joseldjfaskdjfaskldj" and "joselito!!!!!" in the authors places? My sister wrote those while I was in the middle of my addition and then she pressed Submit! What a - um, nice, kind, not rough, smart, - sorry about that she started watching me. Anyway she's really annoying and even as I am writing this she is pouring water on me and saying I have head lice. Anyway please remove those things.
time: Mar 5 17:36 (Pacific Time)
from: Lanark
host: 3.minneapolis-01-02rs.mn.dial-access.att.net
subject: How can we tell? like, duh!
MESSAGE:
judging from your writing style, your plotting, your apparent love of nonsense words for the sake of nonsense words, your rather odd and unfounded opinions (doubtless due to a lack of firsthand experience)about alcohol and sex, your incomprehension of subtlety and the way you speak about your sister, I would say that you, Carolyn, are very likely about thirteen years of age.
(and believe it or not, at some point in the future your wee underage Puritanical beliefs are very likely going to give way to enjoyment of said things when boys cease to have cooties and you've read your last Judy Blume book. trust me.)
time: Mar 5 18:26 (Pacific Time)
from: Carolyn
host: cgowave-9-07.cgocable.net
e-mail: celamb@cgo.wave.ca
subject: my age
MESSAGE:
You're close, Lanark. I won't say how close.
As for alcohol, I don't think it's safe. I don't think I will change that opinion just because of growing up. And I don't think it's just because of my religion.
time: Mar 5 20:10 (Pacific Time)
from: Leather Nun
host: du176.cli.ptd.net
subject: Carolyn's age
MESSAGE:
Well damn me. I thought you were a uptight, somewhat senile 83 year old lady.
Guess I was wrong.
time: Mar 5 20:25 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust205.tnt2.santa-clara.ca.da.uu.net
subject: Lanark's assessment
MESSAGE:
I would of guessed 13 as well.
time: Mar 6 23:48 (Pacific Time)
from: Chris
host: ip213.oak.primenet.com
subject: random stuff
MESSAGE:
Ok, I think I swapped the right entries between Philip and Cuddles, and I got rid of your sis's posts Carolyn.
You're free to have whatever opinions you want Carolyn and/or change them or not at your leisure. And I think your writing style is perfectly fine.
Alcohol dangerous? Well, anything is dangerous in the wrong hands. The key is whether to allow people to make their own decisions about using it. Personally I'm in favor of giving people as many choices as possible, and then teaching them to choose wisely for themselves, rather than limiting their choices because they can't be trusted to make up their own minds.
How did I know you hadn't grown up yet? I didn't know your age at all, until you published it on your homepage. Since you're interested in computers you might like to know that when you link your page to someone else's you leave the trace of your page address when someone goes from your page to the page you linked to in a special log that web servers keep called the "referer log". It's a way for people to understand how their pages are being linked to by other people. (for instance if you put a link to Yahoo on your homepage, and someone clicks on that link to get to Yahoo, Yahoo can tell that someon came to them from your page, they'll see your page address in their logs) I don't look at the referer log very often, but I happened to look at it one day and saw that someone had linked to the Tandem story from their own Story page, and when I looked at that page I was (pleasantly) surprised to find that it was yours. It's that simple.
time: Mar 7 10:53 (Pacific Time)
from: Carolyn
host: cgowave-9-07.cgocable.net
e-mail: celamb@cgo.wave.ca
subject: referer logs and other stuff
MESSAGE:
That's really cool. (by the way, my home page is here if any of you want to see it)
Can you explain how to look at a referer log because I think it might be interesting to look at mine and see how people were getting there.
And about the alcohol, I think you are right but my choice is not to use it because I think it is dangerous.
Did my sister post something? I thought she did but I checked and I didn't see anything she posted. Maybe I needed to click Reload. Anyway then I thought she didn't. And now you're saying she did so I guess she did. But I just asked her and she said "I didn't really, hee hee" so now I am very confused. If you remember what she posted please tell me.
time: Mar 7 12:21 (Pacific Time)
from: Carolyn
host: cgowave-9-07.cgocable.net
e-mail: celamb
subject: my sisters posts
MESSAGE:
Actually I have figured it out now. You were talking about the stuff she put in the story. I had thought you meant you had removed the stuff she put in this message board. (Sorry about that!)
time: Mar 7 19:01 (Pacific Time)
from: Lanark
host: 84.minneapolis-06-07rs.mn.dial-access.att.net
subject: 11 explains a lot.
MESSAGE:
I've got a little project to suggest for you, Carolyn.
Why don't you build yourself a little personal time capsule. Make it as elaborate as you want. Use all your imagination. Take some time and write out a comprehensive overview of your current world. What you like, don't like, who your friends are and who isn't your friend and why you like or don't like them, your favorite TV shows and music, what you think about, what makes you happy, what scares you, what you want to do with your life, and where you think you'll be in say, ten or fifteen years. Be sure to include some of your feelings on what you think about dumb stuff adults do that you don't approve of (ie. your stand on Demon Liquor) wrap it up in a box and hide it from yourself. Don't look at it or think about it for like nine years. (that'll be the hard part) Then at the end of freshman year at college have someone send it to you.
I guarantee that your future self will find it very amusing.
time: Mar 8 14:02 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1hc.dialup.mindspring.com
subject: Boo Hoo Hoo
MESSAGE:
Where is everyone? I want someone to play with! It's been so quiet here all day...
Carolyn, I wouldn't care if you were 3 years old... Age isn't the point per se, but — as adults — many of us do a lot of writing about adult subject matter, the concerns of our lives, including quite a few things that probably won't be a part of your life for some years to come. That we write about sex, murder, insanity, perversion, drugs and Happy Hour, are absolutely no incentive for you (or anyone except Mr. Tickles!) to go and do those things. I don't think anyone wants to exclude you from this because of your age, but if the subject matter of a given story is not something you're comfortable or inexperienced with because of your age, it would probably be best if you chilled out before posting. Let that part of the story work itself out and then when it's back to a place you are comfortable with, then post.
time: Mar 8 14:47 (Pacific Time)
from: Chris
host: vault-particle.Berkeley.EDU
subject: Phather Phigure Philip
MESSAGE:
Why Philip I didn't know you had it in you. Sometimes you put things just so...just so. Very nicely said. Seriously.
Caroline I'd be happy to explain about the referer log (although I'm sure everyone in here would fall asleep). However, it depends completely on the type of computer system your pages are served from, and on the uptightness factor of your local administrator (which we've discussed extensively by now). Some people feel "the users" have no need for that information, and thus they prevent you from accessing it. From a preliminary look at your internet provider, I'd say your service is too vanilla to offer you that information. However, as the assertive, forward thinking, gumption filled person that you are you might call your provider and say "I have a web page on your server and I'm interested in seeing the access logs, including referer information, thank you." and if they say no, then you can at least demand that they get one of their local hacks to write a script which goes through the logs and summarizes the information, and makes a special web page out of it that users can view (that would be in a special place like http://blah.blah/~carolyn/.status (notice the dot - that means a hidden directory) ), if they hesitate remind them firmly that their competitors offer such a service.....and see if they get your drift. (you can always bluff).
If they still say no, then they are just boneheads, and you are still a forward thinking person with higher hopes than they can deal with, and their alienation factor keeps them blind to the needs of their users, and to the path of their own enlightenment.
time: Mar 8 15:23 (Pacific Time)
from: Carolyn
host: cgowave-9-07.cgocable.net
e-mail: celamb@cgo.wave.ca
MESSAGE:
OK. I'll try that.
By the way, don't accuse me of making Barbara an insane murderer because Philip was leading up to it.
And by the other way, remind me next time I make a simple comment that it could lead to a lengthy philisophical discussion and is that what I really want.
time: Mar 8 16:46 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust181.tnt3.santa-clara.ca.da.uu.net
subject: Insane murderer or insane dominatrix?
MESSAGE:
I wouldn't accuse anybody of anything but I think Phillip was insinuating something completely other than an insane murderer. But, of course, different perspectives are what make tandeming so much fun!
By the way, I like your time capsule idea, Lanark. I saved alot of things that I wrote when I was 12-14 and it is quite amusing.
time: Mar 9 07:51 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1ir.dialup.mindspring.com
subject: "We've Only Just Begun" played at 45 instead of 33
MESSAGE:
Cuddles: that scene with the higher powers hanging out in the tiki bar was abso-fucking-lutely brilliant.
Carolyn: one of the best things about the English language and the community of minds is that the simplest thoughts generally do generate lengthy philosophical conversations. It takes much mmore effort to keep them from happening.
All: Insane murderess or dominatrix...? Hey, we've only just started our explorations of the twisted contradictions, agressions and repressed sexuality which make up the poor, booze-scarred mind of this Barbara character...
time: Mar 9 08:28 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1ir.dialup.mindspring.com
MESSAGE:
By the way, Chris, some of the figures generated by the M.O.T.S. random picture generators are priceless.
time: Mar 9 10:54 (Pacific Time)
from: Chris
host: vault-particle.Berkeley.EDU
subject: Thanks!
MESSAGE:
Thanks for the compliment Philip. Although Adobe Photoshop is my friend, I spent more time screwing around with those panels than I care to admit, and there's still more work to do.
I laughed out loud at your Tabloid headline, and then cracked up reading your other post as well.
I agree with you, Cuddles' tiki bar scene was great. The story could have ended right there and been a nice vignette.
time: Mar 9 12:04 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1j7.dialup.mindspring.com
MESSAGE:
Well, the frog-head/penguin-middle/scissors-legs was just too much. I laughed my ass off. And hey, Photoshop's a good friend to have.
If you like wacky tabloids, there's a really interesting book of interrelated short stories based on tabloid headlines called (surprise) "Tabloid Dreams." It's by Robert Olen Butler. You just can't go wrong with titles like "Woman Uses Glass Eye to Spy On Unfaithful Husband."
I must have eaten way to much Welsh rarebit last night, though, because I have no idea where that Gubernatorium came from. The word just sounded so nice.
Anyway, anything that causes real laughter is a good thing.
time: Mar 9 16:17 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust252.tnt2.santa-clara.ca.da.uu.net
MESSAGE:
Thanks for the compliments, Phillip and Chris. It means alot coming from you. Ditto the thing about laughter.
time: Mar 9 18:57 (Pacific Time)
from: Lanark
host: 249.minneapolis-16-17rs.mn.dial-access.att.net
subject: jesse
MESSAGE:
Hey! watch it kids, I voted for the guy. (Not much of a choice really. One canidate was a bloodless party shill trading on his much beloved family name and the other guy was a shameless overly ambitious bigotted weasel.)
and try this, quick, Who's the governor of Deleware? Iowa? Montana?
I think you all are seriously underestimating the man. (which of course, only works to his advantage)
time: Mar 10 11:19 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust233.tnt1.santa-clara.ca.da.uu.net
subject: governors
MESSAGE:
Did I say something disparaging about his character? Let's not get overly sensitive Mr. Lanark. I would have put Ann Richards in the mud wrestling ring but I couldn't think of another female former governor. In fact I couldn't think of any other female governors and I didn't have the time to research it and I didn't want to use only Californian ex-governors so there you have it. I thought Jesse was perfect for the part anyway. An ex-wrestler governor vs. an ex-governor wrestler. Admit it, you know I'm right. And of course I don't have the slightest idea who the governors of Delaware, Iowa or Montana are much less the ex-governors.
time: Mar 10 12:31 (Pacific Time)
from: lanark
host: 206.145.121.17
subject: over sensitivity
MESSAGE:
(sigh) I guess it's the media circus around the whole thing that's getting to me and the "those folks up there must be soft in the head" attitude that comes with it. The sniggering gets a bit much after time.
time: Mar 10 13:36 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust1.tnt1.santa-clara.ca.da.uu.net
subject: Jesse
MESSAGE:
Chin up, little buckaroo. Lot's of people laughed when Sonny Bono decided to run for mayor of Palm Springs but he turned out to be a well respected politician. Besides, I'm sure it won't be long before the fickle media forgets about Mr. Ventura completely.
time: Mar 10 13:39 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1gl.dialup.mindspring.com
e-mail: Duh.
subject: Duh.
MESSAGE:
Children, children...
What planet in the fucking virtual universe are you on?
Like, duh, the internet.
Open thee up a new browser window.
Type in www.delaware.com (every state has a home page and their URLs are almost all coded identically).
Click on the Government button.
There you will find all the information about the state's government you could ever hope to know. Your presence at cocktail parties will never be the same!
Thomas R. Carper is the current governor of Delaware, by the way.
I wish my state was governed by a man accustomed to wearing tights.
time: Mar 10 14:52 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust181.tnt2.santa-clara.ca.da.uu.net
subject: thanks for the education
MESSAGE:
Yes, but type in former women governors and what do you get? Diddley squat!
time: Mar 10 17:37 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust132.tnt2.santa-clara.ca.da.uu.net
subject: overposting
MESSAGE:
Doggonit! I did it again! Chris, could you pretty please switch my posting with Carolyn's? I over posted her. Thankyou!
time: Mar 10 18:09 (Pacific Time)
from: cuddles
host: 1Cust132.tnt2.santa-clara.ca.da.uu.net
subject: overposting II
MESSAGE:
I guess I should specify in which story that ocurred and it was in fact the Public Tandem. Thanks again.
time: Mar 11 02:02 (Pacific Time)
from: pH
host: cyberpass.net
e-mail: pH@phaget4.org
subject: Hadley
MESSAGE:
I think Hadley is having a flash back to a formative event in his youth.
time: Mar 11 14:54 (Pacific Time)
from: Philip
host: user-38ld1hd.dialup.mindspring.com
e-mail: fishie_pie@hotmail.com
subject: Hadley
MESSAGE:
Wish I'd gotten there sooner...
Not to be outdone by George Washington, I must confess — that last line about the Dead Dog is an out-and-out theft from Bob Burden's wonderful Flaming Carrot Comics, now sadly defunct.
Cuddles: use Alta Vista & really refine your search parameters and I'm sure you can find the complete set (collect 'em all!) of former and current female governors...
time: Mar 11 16:58 (Pacific Time)
from: Carolyn
host: cgowave-9-07.cgocable.net
e-mail: celamb@cgo.wave.ca
subject: sentences about Darth Vader
MESSAGE:
How can you steal a sentence? What if I wrote "I was reading my favorite book" and it just so happened that someone, maybe Chris, had written that exact same sentence somewhere else, would that be stealing his sentence?
And by the way I would like to know why Monty's Darth Vader thing turned out to be just a Haloween costume. I was under the impression (actually I'm very sure I wrote ) that Barbara, in a fit of drunken insanity, had completely destroyed Monty's body and left only his head. So how could he suddenly be walking around in a costume? I had thought that it might be cool if the paramedics could have saved him just in time and put him in a life support suit (like Darth Vader's). If that wasn't a good idea, that's fine. And you don't have to change it back. But I really want to know.
time: Mar 11 18:30 (Pacific Time)
from: Lanark
host: 58.minneapolis-13-14rs.mn.dial-access.att.net
subject: stealing sentences
MESSAGE:
I would suggest that you look up the word "Plagarism" in the dictionary.
As for Darth Vader, it's a tandem effort, everyone puts in their own particular spin on things and for that reason, nothing is ever set in stone. Some ideas come to naught, some live and grow, and some are squelched mercilessly. This is life.
time: Mar 11 19:51 (Pacific Time)
from: Chris
host: vault-particle.Berkeley.EDU
e-mail: seidel@pangloss.com
subject: Monty and Darth
MESSAGE:
Well you did write that Barbara decapitated poor Monty, however pH's addition
to the story appears to portray the wild bar scene and subsequent violence as
a vision that Barbara had while she was considering the temptation of having a
drink in the first place. Her reverie was broken by Emmie
handing her her scarf, and Barbara left with out having a drink at all.
(at least that was my take).